DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been struggling financially for the past five years, and it is beginning to take a toll on everything. We have tried to shield our two children from our issues, but now I'm wondering if that's the right thing to do. When I was growing up and my parents had money troubles, they never mentioned it. They went so far as to take out loans just so that we could continue the lifestyle that we had always enjoyed. It wasn't until years later that I discovered that they had even taken out a second mortgage to do this. When I was just getting my start, I had to help bail them out of their debt. It was a mess. So I am thinking that rather than ending up like them, we should tell our kids that we need to cut back because our finances have changed. What do you think? -- Deja Vu, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR DEJA VU: I could not agree with you more. Children have the capacity to understand life's twists and turns if you talk to them about it. While they do not need to know every detail of your finances, by all means tell them what's happening in your family and what impact it is having on your day-to-day lives. Financial adviser Sabrina Lamb recommends that children be shown the family expenses and income so that they can see where the money goes. When it is laid out in black and white, it makes it much easier for them to understand when you say no to a new pair of sneakers. Teaching financial literacy to children helps them become financially savvy adults. For more information on educating children about money, go to worldofmoney.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My housekeeper has diabetes, and it seems as if she has been sick for a long time. She has worked for me for about 15 years, but she never talked about it until a few months ago. Fast forward to now, and she is in the hospital. She just got her leg amputated because she didn't do what the doctor said a year ago -- according to her kids. I am beside myself. I love this woman like she's my family. I had no idea she was sick. Now she is in such a horrible place that who knows what's going to happen next. I want to help, but I'm not sure how. I am staying in touch with her family, but I'm not really close to them. I'm closer to her, but she is completely out of it and not talking. What can I do? -- A Helping Hand, Denver

DEAR A HELPING HAND: Send cards to your housekeeper, letting her know that you are thinking about her. Call her children on a regular basis and ask them if they need help. If you can afford it, put a check in the mail. Since she is not working, the family likely could use financial support during this difficult time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been out of work for about six months now, but hardly anybody knows. I didn't think it was anybody's business. I have been quietly looking for a job and maintaining my life for the most part. The other day, I ran into a former colleague, a guy who works at my old company in another state. He and I happened to be at the same industry event, and we greeted each other. Then he started talking about office stuff that is going on. I listened but didn't say much. He seemed perfectly happy chatting away. I never told him that I don't work there anymore. Now I feel like I was not honest since I never brought it up -- I just didn't want to talk about it. Should I call him and clear it up, or does it matter? -- Not Forthcoming, Detroit

DEAR NOT FORTHCOMING: There is no requirement that says you should have told this man your circumstances. At the same time, you do know him, so if he finds out later that you are no longer with the company, he may feel betrayed that you said nothing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker wears her hair in big braids that are super long and dramatic looking. I see her flinging them about all day long, and I find it annoying as all get-out. Like, really? We work at a small not-for-profit, and I don't think anybody cares too much how we dress or wear our hair -- except for me. We dress casually. Some people have tattoos. It's a pretty young environment. I like it for the most part. I do admit that I am more conservative than some of my co-workers, but I don't know if that is a bad thing. I consider myself a barometer for appropriateness. I know this woman's hairstyle is not my business, but I can't stand it. And I don't think she's doing herself any favors at work by flinging her hair all about. Should I keep my thoughts to myself, or is it worth it to tell her how I feel? It bothers me so much that it's hard to keep quiet. -- What to Say, Chicago

DEAR WHAT TO SAY: From your description, I believe the best thing you can do is zip your lips. You describe your work environment as nonjudgmental, which means you are likely the only person irritated by this woman's hairstyle.

In this case, you may want to look in the mirror to assess your level of appropriateness in this matter. I get that you don't like this woman's hairstyle, but is it affecting her or your ability to do your jobs? Style is completely subjective, as you know. If this woman were working in a conservative work environment where hair is typically worn differently, her style may be considered inappropriate. But nothing that you have said about where you work suggests that. Take a deep breath and redirect your gaze. Stop looking at her with disdain. Let her be.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my ex-boyfriend two years ago, but we kept the lines of communications open. We go out from time to time, and I still like him. Recently, he told me that he is planning to move to San Francisco, and he asked me if I would be interested in joining him. I am not too sure I would want to move across the country because I already moved from Virginia to New York City to be with my former fiance, and I promised myself that I would not move for another man unless we were married. How do I tell my ex that I will not be going to San Francisco with him? I still like him. -- Torn, Queens, New York

DEAR TORN: I want you to take a deep breath and then think seriously about what is happening in your life. Consider this ex-boyfriend. What do you like about him? Why are you two still friends? Do you still have feelings for him? Would you like to be married to him? If you think that he is the man for you, let him know. Rather than saying you will not be going with him to San Francisco, tell him the truth: You would love to go with him -- as his wife. Explain that as much as you care for him and would like to build a relationship with him, you are unwilling to "play house," so to speak, by moving 3,000 miles away without first making the bigger commitment of becoming life partners.

From that declaration, you can then begin to have a real conversation about the future, about each of your hopes and dreams and about whether your goals and hearts can mesh.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother's birthday is on 9/11. Ever since the Twin Towers fell, she has not wanted to celebrate at all. She has gotten melancholy and out of it. I don't mean to diminish what 9/11 meant in any way, but I do think that my mom needs to find ways to celebrate her own life. My siblings and I have honored her wishes by not planning a party or anything, but we want to figure out something we can do for her to make her smile on this day next year. What do you recommend? -- Loving Mom, Baltimore

DEAR LOVING MOM: Each year on the 9/11 anniversary, we pause collectively as a country and remember those tragic events. It is understandable that your mother would find it difficult to be light and cheerful in the midst of such a somber time. And yet, you are right. It is important for her to acknowledge her life and to celebrate her own vibrancy.

One practice that you may want to consider for next year is to create a weeklong celebration. Rather than singling out the one day that is cloaked in so much emotion, start earlier in the week and do something special for your mother each day. The activities can be simple and small or vary in size -- from beauty treatments with a small group of friends to lunch at a favorite restaurant, a group walk in the park or a home-cooked meal at a friend or family member's house.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)