DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a problem. I used to be a smoker; then I quit. Now every time my friends come over, they start smoking. Then they always offer me a cigarette, which I refuse. Then they call me a chicken, so I take them because I don't want to be called a chicken. Now I'm back to my same old habit again. It gets so frustrating. I can't go on like this, so could you please help? -- Helpless, Pittsburgh

DEAR HELPLESS: Your habit is actually a proven addiction, and addictions are incredibly difficult to wrestle away. This is why it is typically recommended that when people are attempting to shake an addiction, they become extremely sensitive to people, places and things. Ideally, you should avoid any triggers that may make it easy for you to slip back into unhealthy behavior.

What this means is that, for now, you should limit your time with friends who smoke. Since these friends are unwilling to respect your effort to quit by not smoking around you, your job is to avoid them, at least for now. That they taunt you by calling you "chicken" is simply mean-spirited. You cannot afford to spend time with anyone who is deliberately trying to humiliate you because you are choosing to kick the habit of smoking. For suggestions on how to make a quit plan that can work, visit smokefree.gov/quit-plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I invited my cousin to join me and some friends for drinks the other night. Almost immediately, she started flirting with one of my friends, and it was a little awkward. This guy is married, as are most of my friends. My cousin is not. I hadn't thought to mention this to her, and then the two of them connected before I could intervene. I realize they are both adults, but I want no one in my family possibly breaking up my friend's marriage. Should I say something to her about leaving this guy alone? Obviously, it takes two to do anything, but, again, I don't want her to think that it's OK for her to be half of such a situation that involves my friends. What should I say to her? -- Off-Limits, Cincinnati

DEAR OFF-LIMITS: While you cannot control your cousin, or anybody else for that matter, you can state your case. You can sit her down and tell her that you brought her into your friend group because you trust her. Part of that trust includes your expectation that she behave in a respectful manner. Without trying to come off like her mother, be upfront about what you mean. Tell her that you saw her flirting with your friend who is a married man and that you want her to stop. Make it clear that you do not want her involved in any activity that is immoral, and that includes the possibility of adultery. Jar her into thinking about the consequences of pursuing anything further with this man. Describe how it could derail trust in your friend group.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my employees has formally complained about me at least twice in recent weeks. My human resources director informed me. It's odd, because she has never said anything to me about her issues with me. I am a big believer in being direct in my communication with my team. Should I say something to her about this, even though she didn't tell me? -- To the Point, Chicago

DEAR TO THE POINT: Go back to your human resources director and learn more about your employee's concerns. Find out what her complaints are so that you can assess what the issues are and how you might address them. Ask your H.R. director for any insights that may help you to navigate this challenge effectively. Also, find out if it is OK for you to go back to your employee to discuss this issue. Sometimes, people bring their concerns to H.R. and ask for them to remain confidential. Be in alignment with your H.R. director before you go to this employee.

With consensus, go back to the employee in question, and ask her to share her concerns with you directly. Your goal here is to build a better rapport with her so that you two can work out your differences without the need for mediation. Let her know that you understand she is dissatisfied with particular aspects of your leadership style. Talk it out if you can, and come up with a plan that allows the two of you to feel at ease moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I participated in a webinar the other day about financial fitness and realized that if I don't do something dramatic, I am going to be in trouble when it comes time for me to retire. I have extremely limited resources, so I don't think I can afford a fancy financial planner like was mentioned during this course. What can I do now when my pennies are limited but my eyes are open to the reality of my pathetic financial future? -- Stop Being Broke, Syracuse, New York

DEAR STOP BEING BROKE: I recently spoke with a financial adviser from Prudential, ShirleyAnn Robertson, who broke it down simply. She explained that everyone can use a financial adviser; you don't have to wait to be wealthy to get one. In fact, you have a much better chance of building wealth if you have a professional who knows about money management helping to guide your financial steps.

The mistake that many people make is what you described: They are often too embarrassed to ask for help. You made a good first effort by participating in the financial webinar. Next, go to your bank or another financial institution and get a consultation with someone about your specific financial profile. Find someone who will work with you wherever you are financially. Do not be afraid to ask.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood where everybody pretty much knows each other. Most of us work outside the home, including myself, but the other day I did not go in. At a certain point, I heard a car pull up to the house next to mine, so I looked out the window. I saw the teenage daughter of my neighbor enter the house with a teenage boy. They stayed there for several hours before leaving. I know this is none of my business, but I feel very uncomfortable about this situation. I did not go over there because that felt like overstepping my bounds. I think I should tell her parents what I saw. Am I right, or should I keep my observations to myself? -- Not a Busybody, Salt Lake City

DEAR NOT A BUSYBODY: By all means, reach out to this teen's mom right away. Call her and tell her you do not mean to meddle, but you have something to tell her. Just say what you saw with no embellishments. Do not theorize on what may have happened in the house. Tell her approximately what time the car pulled up and how long the two were inside.

Listen for her reaction. She will likely be embarrassed, but hopefully she will be grateful that you are looking out for her child's welfare. The way she handles the information will be a cue for you as to how you will handle sharing information with her in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I was driving down the street, and I saw a celebrity in a car nearby. No kidding. I saw Venus Williams in a minivan that said U.S. Open on it. I was so excited, and because we were all in a traffic jam, I took the opportunity to roll down my window and call out to say "hello" to her. Now, she doesn't know me from anybody, but I figured it was OK to greet her. She smiled and waved and said "hi" back. I was so excited. I'm not a groupie kind of person, but this just happened, and I feel good that somebody who is a real celebrity was nice enough to greet me back. When I told my girlfriends, one of them said that I didn't have class because I interrupted Venus' privacy. She made me feel really bad even though Venus herself was lovely. Was I wrong to say hello to her? -- Thoughtful, New York City

DEAR THOUGHTFUL: Saying hello to a celebrity who is in earshot of you with her window down is fine. Had you yelled and been loud about it, that would be a different matter. As you experienced, Venus graciously spoke back to you. When it wouldn't be appropriate is if the celebrity were in a semi-private place and preoccupied, like seated at dinner or at a play. Driving by in a car is OK.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)