DEAR HARRIETTE: A female friend invited me to join her when she goes to her hot yoga classes. I think I am going to join her because she is cute and I have an interest in her. This will be my first time doing any kind of yoga. Do you have any suggestions on how I can survive my first hot yoga workout without embarrassing myself in the process? I am a big guy. I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past few months, but I have at least 100 pounds to go. I'm not sure I can twist into some of those positions. -- A Fool for Love, Bronx New York

DEAR A FOOL FOR LOVE: You won't be the first person to explore new experiences because of a love interest. Theoretically, there's nothing wrong with your choice to go to this class. On the other hand, because the class features a room with very high temperatures and an activity that is foreign to you, you need to be careful.

If at all possible, start by checking in with your doctor to make sure that it is safe for you to go to this class. Especially considering that you are overweight, you want to be comfortable knowing that you are healthy enough to stand the heat -- literally. Then find out if the class she is attending includes beginners. If so, you can speak to the teacher before class begins to explain that this will be your first lesson, so you may need to modify what you do.

Ultimately, if it seems like this class may be too much for you, why not offer to pick her up after class and go out for a (healthy) bite to eat?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad's birthday is coming up, and it's a big one. He has never been one to want a huge party, but considering that he will be making it to a milestone, my siblings and I want to make sure that we do something really special for him. We've been talking about planning a surprise party where we invite all of his buddies going back all the way to his childhood, since there are still a few of them left. But we aren't sure if that's the way to go. What do you suggest we do to celebrate our dad? -- Time to Party, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR TIME TO PARTY: Go directly to the source. Ask your dad what he would like to do to celebrate his birthday. Tell him that you and your siblings have been considering a range of ideas but want to make sure that you do something for him that will make him happy in honor of his big day. Listen carefully when he tells you his ideas. Be prepared for him to want something very different from what you have considered.

Out of respect for him, hear his thoughts and then do your best to follow them as precisely as you can, even if that means you do something really simple like a small family dinner. Let your father's interests guide you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in an awkward situation the other day and really didn't know what to do. I ran into a woman who is a professional acquaintance. I have known her through a mutual friend for quite a few years and have been at social events with her from time to time. Her longtime partner died about two years ago. When he died, I sent her a note, but we aren't close, so I didn't do more. Anyhow, I saw her at an event the other day, and we greeted each other warmly. I wasn't sure what to do next. I wondered whether I should ask her how she's doing, since I haven't seen her since her boyfriend died. I decided not to do that because we were at an upbeat event, but I wonder if I did the wrong thing. Was I insensitive to not mention him? -- What to Say, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR WHAT TO SAY: You did the right thing. The only reason for you to mention her partner who passed away would be in response to something that she had said. Otherwise, it would be inappropriate for you to bring him up in a random conversation.

It is good that you trusted your instincts. Being in the present is what any moment requires, especially in a situation like this. Whatever was going on when you two were together is what you should have addressed. The end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew had several informational interviews this summer with professional contacts of mine. He seemed really excited about each of the meetings because he got exposed to possible career options. Now he is back in college, getting involved in his studies. When I called him to ask if he had written thank-you notes to all of the people who met with him, he sort of shrugged it off and said that he had done some but not all of them. I am worried about his future. If he blows off my friends who met with him as a favor to me, what will he do with other people? How can I impress upon him how important follow-through is to success? -- Keeping It Real, Chicago

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: Make sure that you have sent your own thank-you notes to all of your contacts. You can add anything that you know about how your nephew enjoyed the experience, but do not blow him up too much.

Reach back to him to remind him of the importance of sending follow-up notes in a timely manner. You might also tell your sibling (his parent) about your concern that he may be blowing off this final step for these relationships. Suggest that some urgency be placed on completion of this step. Your nephew needs to learn the importance of each step in such an engagement. These skills will be essential as he builds his life and attempts to open doors for his goals. Let him and your sibling know that maintaining positive relationships with people is one of the most important tools in anyone's toolbox of living a good life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a relatively conservative law firm in Chicago. Much to my surprise, the new administrator that my company hired a month ago came to work with her hair dyed green. I have seen this trend on kids as I walk around town, but there is no room for this look at my law firm. In the employee handbook, it doesn't specifically speak about hair color, but it does say that modest attire and overall presentation is required. How can I talk to this young woman about her hair color choice to help her? I don't know if human resources will say that she can be fired, but I can say that it is not likely that she will rise up through the ranks at my company if she decides to be a trendsetter in this avant garde kind of way. -- How to Mentor, Chicago

DEAR HOW TO MENTOR: Talk to your human resources department about the legalities of addressing this employee about her style choices. You should get guidance to make sure that you do not overstep your authority to address her hair color.

With that information in tow, speak to her as a mentor, and tell her that you want to share some supportive information with her should she be interested. What you may want to tell her is that in every industry there are spoken and unspoken standards. In the law profession, people tend to err on the side of conservative, as they do in your company. Tell her that while her hair color may be a fun trend, it may not be telling her bosses and co-workers that she is serious about working there.

There likely are law firms where more personal innovation is welcomed. She may want to think about what the best fit is for her given her style choices. That said, if she excels at her job, your company may look beyond her style eccentricities. But in these times when there are so many options for where to work, I think it is wise to select a workplace that naturally welcomes you rather than where you have to constantly fight to fit in. Just a thought.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's back-to-school time, and my kids are having a hard time getting their bodies on the school clock. I tried having them go to bed an hour or so earlier for the past few weeks, but it didn't work very well. I know that the beginning of school is an important time for them to get settled. What can I do at this late date to ensure that they will pay attention? -- Settle Down, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SETTLE DOWN: It is never too late to work on getting your children focused. Start by shutting off screen time until the weekends. Set schedules for your children to do homework. Review the homework with them each day to see how well they are doing. Set their bed times at whatever time you believe will give them enough sleep, and enforce it by walking them to their rooms, tucking them in and turning off the lights.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)