DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in an awkward situation the other day and really didn't know what to do. I ran into a woman who is a professional acquaintance. I have known her through a mutual friend for quite a few years and have been at social events with her from time to time. Her longtime partner died about two years ago. When he died, I sent her a note, but we aren't close, so I didn't do more. Anyhow, I saw her at an event the other day, and we greeted each other warmly. I wasn't sure what to do next. I wondered whether I should ask her how she's doing, since I haven't seen her since her boyfriend died. I decided not to do that because we were at an upbeat event, but I wonder if I did the wrong thing. Was I insensitive to not mention him? -- What to Say, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR WHAT TO SAY: You did the right thing. The only reason for you to mention her partner who passed away would be in response to something that she had said. Otherwise, it would be inappropriate for you to bring him up in a random conversation.

It is good that you trusted your instincts. Being in the present is what any moment requires, especially in a situation like this. Whatever was going on when you two were together is what you should have addressed. The end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew had several informational interviews this summer with professional contacts of mine. He seemed really excited about each of the meetings because he got exposed to possible career options. Now he is back in college, getting involved in his studies. When I called him to ask if he had written thank-you notes to all of the people who met with him, he sort of shrugged it off and said that he had done some but not all of them. I am worried about his future. If he blows off my friends who met with him as a favor to me, what will he do with other people? How can I impress upon him how important follow-through is to success? -- Keeping It Real, Chicago

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: Make sure that you have sent your own thank-you notes to all of your contacts. You can add anything that you know about how your nephew enjoyed the experience, but do not blow him up too much.

Reach back to him to remind him of the importance of sending follow-up notes in a timely manner. You might also tell your sibling (his parent) about your concern that he may be blowing off this final step for these relationships. Suggest that some urgency be placed on completion of this step. Your nephew needs to learn the importance of each step in such an engagement. These skills will be essential as he builds his life and attempts to open doors for his goals. Let him and your sibling know that maintaining positive relationships with people is one of the most important tools in anyone's toolbox of living a good life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a relatively conservative law firm in Chicago. Much to my surprise, the new administrator that my company hired a month ago came to work with her hair dyed green. I have seen this trend on kids as I walk around town, but there is no room for this look at my law firm. In the employee handbook, it doesn't specifically speak about hair color, but it does say that modest attire and overall presentation is required. How can I talk to this young woman about her hair color choice to help her? I don't know if human resources will say that she can be fired, but I can say that it is not likely that she will rise up through the ranks at my company if she decides to be a trendsetter in this avant garde kind of way. -- How to Mentor, Chicago

DEAR HOW TO MENTOR: Talk to your human resources department about the legalities of addressing this employee about her style choices. You should get guidance to make sure that you do not overstep your authority to address her hair color.

With that information in tow, speak to her as a mentor, and tell her that you want to share some supportive information with her should she be interested. What you may want to tell her is that in every industry there are spoken and unspoken standards. In the law profession, people tend to err on the side of conservative, as they do in your company. Tell her that while her hair color may be a fun trend, it may not be telling her bosses and co-workers that she is serious about working there.

There likely are law firms where more personal innovation is welcomed. She may want to think about what the best fit is for her given her style choices. That said, if she excels at her job, your company may look beyond her style eccentricities. But in these times when there are so many options for where to work, I think it is wise to select a workplace that naturally welcomes you rather than where you have to constantly fight to fit in. Just a thought.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's back-to-school time, and my kids are having a hard time getting their bodies on the school clock. I tried having them go to bed an hour or so earlier for the past few weeks, but it didn't work very well. I know that the beginning of school is an important time for them to get settled. What can I do at this late date to ensure that they will pay attention? -- Settle Down, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SETTLE DOWN: It is never too late to work on getting your children focused. Start by shutting off screen time until the weekends. Set schedules for your children to do homework. Review the homework with them each day to see how well they are doing. Set their bed times at whatever time you believe will give them enough sleep, and enforce it by walking them to their rooms, tucking them in and turning off the lights.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The venue I work for hired a local promoter to bring in a Grammy Award-winning artist to perform. The concert took place at an open-air amphitheater, and all events are advertised as rain or shine. And just our luck, it rained for two hours. To our surprise, the crowd waited patiently until the storm passed. When the rain stopped, we dried the equipment and prepared the stage for the artist. The artist was grateful because the audience stayed. He performed, the concert was amazing and he had the crowd begging for more when he finished.

After the concert was over, there were a few unhappy customers who asked for their money back. We normally do not give refunds to our customers because we print "rain or shine" on our tickets. However, we made an exception to our policy. I feel like I should get some of our money back from the promoter because it rained and the box office lost money. Do you think I am wrong for thinking this way? -- It Is Only Business, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR IT IS ONLY BUSINESS: Check your contract with the promoter to see if there are any clauses that would allow for you to get money back. Rain is likely considered an "act of God," which often is exempt from refunding. That said, your promoter may be conscientious and generous, just as you were with some of your fans. Have a discussion with the promoter about how you lost money and you hope that they would give you a partial fee refund. Suggest that you would like to continue to work with them in the future. In the interest of developing a mutually beneficial relationship, you are asking the promoter to be willing to work with you. In this case, it means sharing the weight of the lost revenue due to rain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My baby is entering preschool, and I am concerned because this will be the first time she will be away from me since birth. I love my child so much that I thought about having her home-schooled just to be with her every day. I am aware that it would be a good idea for my daughter to go to school and be around children her own age. What am I going to do while she is at school having fun and learning? I think I am the one with the attachment issues, and I need help. -- A Loving Mom, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR A LOVING MOM: The intense feelings of attachment that some mothers have for their children are very real. Instinctually, you want to protect your daughter. Naturally, you believe that she will be safest when in your care. Yet one aspect of parenting that starts early on is preparing your child to be a citizen of the world. That means allowing your child to be in the company of other people and learning to feel safe with others. Research a certified preschool where you can send your daughter. Usually they start at half days. While she is there, you can volunteer at a local community center, the library or hospital. You can do it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)