DEAR HARRIETTE: The venue I work for hired a local promoter to bring in a Grammy Award-winning artist to perform. The concert took place at an open-air amphitheater, and all events are advertised as rain or shine. And just our luck, it rained for two hours. To our surprise, the crowd waited patiently until the storm passed. When the rain stopped, we dried the equipment and prepared the stage for the artist. The artist was grateful because the audience stayed. He performed, the concert was amazing and he had the crowd begging for more when he finished.

After the concert was over, there were a few unhappy customers who asked for their money back. We normally do not give refunds to our customers because we print "rain or shine" on our tickets. However, we made an exception to our policy. I feel like I should get some of our money back from the promoter because it rained and the box office lost money. Do you think I am wrong for thinking this way? -- It Is Only Business, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR IT IS ONLY BUSINESS: Check your contract with the promoter to see if there are any clauses that would allow for you to get money back. Rain is likely considered an "act of God," which often is exempt from refunding. That said, your promoter may be conscientious and generous, just as you were with some of your fans. Have a discussion with the promoter about how you lost money and you hope that they would give you a partial fee refund. Suggest that you would like to continue to work with them in the future. In the interest of developing a mutually beneficial relationship, you are asking the promoter to be willing to work with you. In this case, it means sharing the weight of the lost revenue due to rain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My baby is entering preschool, and I am concerned because this will be the first time she will be away from me since birth. I love my child so much that I thought about having her home-schooled just to be with her every day. I am aware that it would be a good idea for my daughter to go to school and be around children her own age. What am I going to do while she is at school having fun and learning? I think I am the one with the attachment issues, and I need help. -- A Loving Mom, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR A LOVING MOM: The intense feelings of attachment that some mothers have for their children are very real. Instinctually, you want to protect your daughter. Naturally, you believe that she will be safest when in your care. Yet one aspect of parenting that starts early on is preparing your child to be a citizen of the world. That means allowing your child to be in the company of other people and learning to feel safe with others. Research a certified preschool where you can send your daughter. Usually they start at half days. While she is there, you can volunteer at a local community center, the library or hospital. You can do it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Once again, we have reached a day in American history that gives us pause. Thirteen years ago, the unthinkable happened. Freedom and innocence as many of us once knew them were erased forever. No longer would we ever see a low-flying plane in the sky and trust that it was simply on its way home. We experienced raw evil in a way that can never be erased from our memories.

And so we consciously choose to remember 9/11 each year, honoring those who died on that fateful day and those who remain alive mourning their loss -- and the loss of freedom that accompanied this horrific tragedy.

Most of us do not have a good enough grasp of global politics to understand why anyone would do such a terrible thing. What we see far too often, though, is that evil remains strong in the world. We are grieving an American journalist who was publicly beheaded because America staged drone attacks to try to end genocide in Iraq. From an observer's vantage, nobody is winning this international game.

And then there's the warfare at home. Whether it is incessant murder in Chicago, a child unloading an Uzi on an instructor or a husband or wife verbally or physically abusing a spouse or child, unthinkable behavior is wrecking our families and communities.

What lessons can we learn at this time of reflection that can turn the tide in our lives? I believe we must start by looking closely at our own lives to evaluate how well we are living. Ask yourself if you are kind to yourself, for starters. How well do you tend to your own needs on a daily basis? If you do not care for you, it is impossible for you to do a good job caring for someone else. Next, look at your loved ones. How well do you care for them? Do you accept responsibility for the things that are in your jurisdiction? Do you neglect your duties? Go through this checklist, looking at every aspect of your life. What can you do differently that can improve the quality of your life and of those around you?

Pay attention to how you behave when you are feeling stressed. Are you short-tempered, irritable, sullen or indulgent? Check yourself to ensure that you know what your stress behaviors are. Then add an activity to your schedule that can serve as an antidote, such as exercise, reading or getting enough sleep.

By taking care of those aspects of your life over which you have control, you can create a tiny oasis of peace in this world. From there, you can create space to support others and help them gain a sense of peace in their lives. You can do this by volunteering, through your church or community center or an international service organization.

Amazingly, it is possible to bring joy to the world one person at a time. Every chance each of us gets to spread happiness is an opportunity to heal the world at least a little bit. I am not being naive; I know that bad things will continue to happen. But we do not have to contribute to them. Let us choose to be loving rays of God's light one moment at a time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sit on the leadership board at my church, and I feel like two of the members have too much power regarding the affairs of the church. The wife heads the teaching department as well as the finance department. The husband owns a contracting company, and the church administrator awarded him the contract to move our church to a new location and build a new office space. He is also doing work on the pastor's house. Two people should not have a stranglehold when it comes to the church. There are too many talented people at our congregation, and I believe in sharing the wealth. I would like to figure out a way to give everyone an opportunity to manage the various offices. -- Just an Observation, New York City

DEAR JUST AN OBSERVATION: It seems to me that the leadership board should have had a say in what contracts are awarded to what companies, as well as who fills what functions. Sometimes only a few people in a congregation step up to fulfill the various duties that need to be managed. It could be that these people are extremely eager and available to be hands-on. That does not excuse, however, the need for checks and balances when it comes to managing responsibilities and resources.

Go to your board president and inquire about the roles that these two people are fulfilling. Ask how the determination came to give them these duties, and point out that you do not think it is fair. Request that the board review these appointments and hires as well as all roles in the church to determine whether it is allocating resources equitably. As you do this, expect pushback. Whoever made the decision to allow these people to do these jobs will not want to be questioned. That's why you have a board. You can bring the topic to a board meeting even if the board president prefers that you didn't. Just be sure to follow protocol.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received an email informing me that the state has cut tax credits toward the purchase of school supplies and clothing. My wife and I have depended on the tax credit each year because we have four children, and it costs a lot of money to purchase their clothes. Money is tight around our house, and any extra savings we can come up with is greatly appreciated. Going forward, how should my wife and I budget to shop for school clothing? -- A Penny Saved, Greensboro, North Carolina

DEAR A PENNY SAVED: You have four children, which means hand-me-downs have to figure into the equation somehow. I recommend that you do a wardrobe assessment of all of your children's clothes. Figure out what items can be worn by the next one in line, then determine what the absolute needs are for your children for school. We often buy more than is necessary for our children. You cannot afford to do that this year. Limit your purchases to the bare minimum, and consider shopping at a second-hand store, Goodwill or the Salvation Army, where extremely affordable gently used clothing and shoes are sold.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)