DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found drugs in my son's bedroom in his dresser drawer. It was a few loose joints. I know that high school students experiment with these drugs, but I also know that it is not legal where we live. He is already at a disadvantage in the sense that the police may be watching him since he is a young black man. I do not want to see him getting arrested for some foolishness. How can I get this message across to him that doing drugs isn't worth it? I know he thinks I'm a prude, but what I really am is trying to protect my boy. -- Keeping Him Safe, Bronx, New York

DEAR KEEPING HIM SAFE: Now that the drug laws are slowly changing all over the country and there is a huge buzz about it, it makes it even more difficult for people who want to use them to just say no. In New York, only medical marijuana is legal at this time. Plus, you are right to be extra concerned about your son's safety given how many recent incidents we have witnessed in the news of police aggression toward young black males. This is a real concern that you should take seriously.

Sit down with your son and talk to him about today's realities. Point out that you know he wants to have fun, but you don't want it to be at the expense of his safety. Buying and using illegal drugs is a crime, even if many people do it. Be sure to talk to your son about how to be in the company of police officers, which includes never running, speaking in respectful tones, answering questions clearly and succinctly and not getting too animated. Explain to your son that you want him to live a full and prosperous life. To do so, he must be clear in his life's goals. He must abide by the law. He must be mindful of the company he keeps. And he must keep his eyes open at all times. Unfortunately, he also has to be wary of the police.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to go to a concert with a guy from my job, all expenses paid. I know he likes me, and I find him attractive, so I agreed to go. At the end of the evening, he was very pushy about trying to get me to go back to his house and be intimate with him. I told him no. We don't even date. This was the first time that I've gone out with him alone, though sometimes we have lunch together with a group of friends from the office. He was highly offended, and now he doesn't speak to me at the office. I'm not sure what to do about this. -- In a Tough Place, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR IN A TOUGH PLACE: To protect yourself, you may want to mention to human resources what happened. Be mindful not to exaggerate any details. If he never hurt you or actually forced you to do anything, it is not a crime. It was inappropriate.

As far as continuing a rapport with him, it's not necessary. He was wrong to be pushy with you. Focus on your job and not on him. But be sure not to gossip with others about the incident.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends invited my family to visit their country house for a long weekend. Just before it was time to start our drive, they called to say that they didn't have any electricity. (There was some type of power outage.) They invited us to come anyway, but I really didn't want to go. I told my husband, and we ended up having a huge argument because he thought I was being ridiculous. In the end, we went and had a great time. The kids loved being in the dark with candles. What I didn't appreciate was that my husband refused to even consider my position. I want to be able to state my case and have us discuss it without a fight. How can I do that? I am sick of arguing with him. -- Fed Up, New York City

DEAR FED UP: Attitude is everything. The way you broach a subject often directly affects the way that people react to you. If you were instantly against the idea of keeping your plans, you may have dashed your husband's feelings. What you may want to do in the future is to say, "Let's talk this through to see what makes the most sense." If you suggest that the two of you come up with a plan together, you create space for consensus building rather than having to choose between one option or the other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy who is really nice, but he's kind of provincial. He has never left the state. I moved here to go to college. While I haven't traveled all over the world or anything that grand, I have taken a few trips in the United States. Plus, I have gone to the Caribbean. I love traveling and want to do it with my boyfriend, but he is scared to death to go anywhere. He refuses to get a passport and says that I am being difficult in even asking him to consider it. I don't want to seem any particular way, but I know what I want. And I want to date a guy who is adventurous like me, or at least who is willing to try. What should I do? -- Travel Jones, Detroit

DEAR TRAVEL JONES: If you truly like this guy, don't give up on him just yet. He may be so adamant because he is afraid of the unknown. That you have experience traveling and he does not could make him nervous. Why not plan a small trip in the area, perhaps a short car ride away? Find a nice getaway that would provide a completely different experience than he or you have in Detroit. Encourage him to join you. As you enjoy the weekend, notice if he softens up to the idea of travel. Give him a chance to discover if he likes a bit of adventure. If so, fantastic. If not, you can then reconsider if he is the guy for you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: So I've been seeing a guy for a little over a year, and he's joined the Air Force. He will be starting basic training in the months to come. I've tried to do some research on what military life is like so I can know what to expect when the time comes. I am so nervous. I really like him and believe we could have something, but I am afraid. With all the wars going on, I don't want him to get killed. I don't really know how to be supportive of him when I would rather he not go. How can I be a good girlfriend? -- Baby Don't Go, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BABY DON'T GO: You are doing the right thing in researching what your boyfriend will have to do to prepare to be in the military. You two should talk about his plans and discover together what's ahead for him. While you are justified in being nervous about his future, you can also be extremely proud that he is one of the people who is stepping up to protect our country and its interests.

I would be remiss if I did not say that personally I am extremely conflicted over the wars in which we find our troops these days. But I do know that the men and women who make this choice are brave and should be respected for their loyalty and commitment. Do your best to adopt the attitude of gratitude for the course your boyfriend is setting for himself. At the same time, talk openly about the future. Be as clear as you can about expectations on both of your parts. Do you imagine staying together? Let him know your intentions, and agree to check in about your feelings on a regular basis. Being honest is the best thing you can do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends lost a child to sudden infant death syndrome several years ago. Every year I remember the anniversary, but I feel weird saying anything to them, so I have not. This year marks the fifth anniversary, and something tells me that I should acknowledge it in some way. They have other children now, but I know that they miss their little girl. Should I send them a card or call them or anything? I don't want to dredge up old memories. But I do want to honor their loss. What should I do? -- Tender Memories, Boston

DEAR TENDER MEMORIES: Your instincts are on point. They are surely remembering the loss of their child. While they may not want to talk about it, you can send them a card saying that you are keeping their family in your prayers. Write a personal note saying how much you love them and their family, how blessed they are to have the children they have and say how sad you are as you remember the passing of their baby. For more information on helping a family suffering after the death of a baby, visit sidsresources.org/?page_id=928.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)