DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends invited my family to visit their country house for a long weekend. Just before it was time to start our drive, they called to say that they didn't have any electricity. (There was some type of power outage.) They invited us to come anyway, but I really didn't want to go. I told my husband, and we ended up having a huge argument because he thought I was being ridiculous. In the end, we went and had a great time. The kids loved being in the dark with candles. What I didn't appreciate was that my husband refused to even consider my position. I want to be able to state my case and have us discuss it without a fight. How can I do that? I am sick of arguing with him. -- Fed Up, New York City

DEAR FED UP: Attitude is everything. The way you broach a subject often directly affects the way that people react to you. If you were instantly against the idea of keeping your plans, you may have dashed your husband's feelings. What you may want to do in the future is to say, "Let's talk this through to see what makes the most sense." If you suggest that the two of you come up with a plan together, you create space for consensus building rather than having to choose between one option or the other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy who is really nice, but he's kind of provincial. He has never left the state. I moved here to go to college. While I haven't traveled all over the world or anything that grand, I have taken a few trips in the United States. Plus, I have gone to the Caribbean. I love traveling and want to do it with my boyfriend, but he is scared to death to go anywhere. He refuses to get a passport and says that I am being difficult in even asking him to consider it. I don't want to seem any particular way, but I know what I want. And I want to date a guy who is adventurous like me, or at least who is willing to try. What should I do? -- Travel Jones, Detroit

DEAR TRAVEL JONES: If you truly like this guy, don't give up on him just yet. He may be so adamant because he is afraid of the unknown. That you have experience traveling and he does not could make him nervous. Why not plan a small trip in the area, perhaps a short car ride away? Find a nice getaway that would provide a completely different experience than he or you have in Detroit. Encourage him to join you. As you enjoy the weekend, notice if he softens up to the idea of travel. Give him a chance to discover if he likes a bit of adventure. If so, fantastic. If not, you can then reconsider if he is the guy for you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: So I've been seeing a guy for a little over a year, and he's joined the Air Force. He will be starting basic training in the months to come. I've tried to do some research on what military life is like so I can know what to expect when the time comes. I am so nervous. I really like him and believe we could have something, but I am afraid. With all the wars going on, I don't want him to get killed. I don't really know how to be supportive of him when I would rather he not go. How can I be a good girlfriend? -- Baby Don't Go, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BABY DON'T GO: You are doing the right thing in researching what your boyfriend will have to do to prepare to be in the military. You two should talk about his plans and discover together what's ahead for him. While you are justified in being nervous about his future, you can also be extremely proud that he is one of the people who is stepping up to protect our country and its interests.

I would be remiss if I did not say that personally I am extremely conflicted over the wars in which we find our troops these days. But I do know that the men and women who make this choice are brave and should be respected for their loyalty and commitment. Do your best to adopt the attitude of gratitude for the course your boyfriend is setting for himself. At the same time, talk openly about the future. Be as clear as you can about expectations on both of your parts. Do you imagine staying together? Let him know your intentions, and agree to check in about your feelings on a regular basis. Being honest is the best thing you can do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends lost a child to sudden infant death syndrome several years ago. Every year I remember the anniversary, but I feel weird saying anything to them, so I have not. This year marks the fifth anniversary, and something tells me that I should acknowledge it in some way. They have other children now, but I know that they miss their little girl. Should I send them a card or call them or anything? I don't want to dredge up old memories. But I do want to honor their loss. What should I do? -- Tender Memories, Boston

DEAR TENDER MEMORIES: Your instincts are on point. They are surely remembering the loss of their child. While they may not want to talk about it, you can send them a card saying that you are keeping their family in your prayers. Write a personal note saying how much you love them and their family, how blessed they are to have the children they have and say how sad you are as you remember the passing of their baby. For more information on helping a family suffering after the death of a baby, visit sidsresources.org/?page_id=928.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is entering her senior year of high school, and she told me two days ago that she would like to be an engineer because math is easy for her. I was surprised because I thought she would go college to get a degree in fashion. She's designed her own clothes since she was 6 years old. I am big fan of my daughter, and I would like to know what I can do to continue to fuel her desire to become an engineer? -- Momma Wants Best, St. Louis

DEAR MOMMA WANTS BEST: First, as it relates to your daughter's interest in fashion, know that she does not have to give up that passion. It can remain a hobby for her. It could also be incorporated into her work as an engineer if she decides to marry the two fields. An example of this is that there are many fabrics that are made now thanks to technology that designs intricate patterns. It took engineering to make that happen.

As far as your daughter's interest in engineering, the best thing you can do for her is expose her to the field as soon as possible. There are many internships available that provide a window into the world of engineering. The Department of Homeland Security runs a great national program for college juniors and seniors (when she's old enough). You can learn more about it at dhs.gov/national-hs-stem-summer-internship-program.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep seeing those commercials about getting a free credit report. I was always afraid to get mine because I know my credit sucks. I have been out of work for four years now. I do odd jobs to make money, but I have a lot of debt that I pay off sporadically depending upon how much money I have in any given month. So I got my report, and it sucks worse than I thought. I am at a loss for what to do. Without real income, I don't know how to get my finances in order. -- Drowning in Debt, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DROWNING IN DEBT: Congratulations on speaking up about your situation. It can be difficult to ask for help when you feel that your situation is hopeless, but know that yours is not hopeless! I highly recommend that you get expert help. Just as you would go to the doctor if you were ill, you should go to a financial adviser to help get your finances healthy again. One option is going to the unemployment office to request free support in getting out of debt. The extra benefit there is that you may gain wisdom on how to re-enter the job market. You can also read about debt reduction and take steps to chip away at the debt you do have whenever possible.

One organization that can help you for free is greenpath.com. It offers full financial support services, including developing a customized budget for you based on your needs along with an action plan for how to get out of debt. By working with such an organization, you can get to the other side, even in your current circumstances.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)