DEAR HARRIETTE: So I've been seeing a guy for a little over a year, and he's joined the Air Force. He will be starting basic training in the months to come. I've tried to do some research on what military life is like so I can know what to expect when the time comes. I am so nervous. I really like him and believe we could have something, but I am afraid. With all the wars going on, I don't want him to get killed. I don't really know how to be supportive of him when I would rather he not go. How can I be a good girlfriend? -- Baby Don't Go, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BABY DON'T GO: You are doing the right thing in researching what your boyfriend will have to do to prepare to be in the military. You two should talk about his plans and discover together what's ahead for him. While you are justified in being nervous about his future, you can also be extremely proud that he is one of the people who is stepping up to protect our country and its interests.

I would be remiss if I did not say that personally I am extremely conflicted over the wars in which we find our troops these days. But I do know that the men and women who make this choice are brave and should be respected for their loyalty and commitment. Do your best to adopt the attitude of gratitude for the course your boyfriend is setting for himself. At the same time, talk openly about the future. Be as clear as you can about expectations on both of your parts. Do you imagine staying together? Let him know your intentions, and agree to check in about your feelings on a regular basis. Being honest is the best thing you can do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends lost a child to sudden infant death syndrome several years ago. Every year I remember the anniversary, but I feel weird saying anything to them, so I have not. This year marks the fifth anniversary, and something tells me that I should acknowledge it in some way. They have other children now, but I know that they miss their little girl. Should I send them a card or call them or anything? I don't want to dredge up old memories. But I do want to honor their loss. What should I do? -- Tender Memories, Boston

DEAR TENDER MEMORIES: Your instincts are on point. They are surely remembering the loss of their child. While they may not want to talk about it, you can send them a card saying that you are keeping their family in your prayers. Write a personal note saying how much you love them and their family, how blessed they are to have the children they have and say how sad you are as you remember the passing of their baby. For more information on helping a family suffering after the death of a baby, visit sidsresources.org/?page_id=928.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is entering her senior year of high school, and she told me two days ago that she would like to be an engineer because math is easy for her. I was surprised because I thought she would go college to get a degree in fashion. She's designed her own clothes since she was 6 years old. I am big fan of my daughter, and I would like to know what I can do to continue to fuel her desire to become an engineer? -- Momma Wants Best, St. Louis

DEAR MOMMA WANTS BEST: First, as it relates to your daughter's interest in fashion, know that she does not have to give up that passion. It can remain a hobby for her. It could also be incorporated into her work as an engineer if she decides to marry the two fields. An example of this is that there are many fabrics that are made now thanks to technology that designs intricate patterns. It took engineering to make that happen.

As far as your daughter's interest in engineering, the best thing you can do for her is expose her to the field as soon as possible. There are many internships available that provide a window into the world of engineering. The Department of Homeland Security runs a great national program for college juniors and seniors (when she's old enough). You can learn more about it at dhs.gov/national-hs-stem-summer-internship-program.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep seeing those commercials about getting a free credit report. I was always afraid to get mine because I know my credit sucks. I have been out of work for four years now. I do odd jobs to make money, but I have a lot of debt that I pay off sporadically depending upon how much money I have in any given month. So I got my report, and it sucks worse than I thought. I am at a loss for what to do. Without real income, I don't know how to get my finances in order. -- Drowning in Debt, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DROWNING IN DEBT: Congratulations on speaking up about your situation. It can be difficult to ask for help when you feel that your situation is hopeless, but know that yours is not hopeless! I highly recommend that you get expert help. Just as you would go to the doctor if you were ill, you should go to a financial adviser to help get your finances healthy again. One option is going to the unemployment office to request free support in getting out of debt. The extra benefit there is that you may gain wisdom on how to re-enter the job market. You can also read about debt reduction and take steps to chip away at the debt you do have whenever possible.

One organization that can help you for free is greenpath.com. It offers full financial support services, including developing a customized budget for you based on your needs along with an action plan for how to get out of debt. By working with such an organization, you can get to the other side, even in your current circumstances.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my husband is tuning me out when I talk to him. He does not respect my opinion, even though I know more than he does, and he disregards what I have to say. I am getting tired of his immature behavior, and I would like to know how could I get my husband to listen to me. -- Dearly Beloved, Queens, New York

DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It sounds like you do not respect your husband, either. It takes two to cultivate loving respect in a relationship. When you say you know more, what are you talking about? To make such a statement implies that you are smarter and more knowledgeable about "everything" than he is. Even if you have the highest IQ in the country, you are not likely to know more about every subject than your husband. So stop acting like a know-it-all.

The way to constructive communication is to treat each other with respect. That means that you must believe that what he says is valuable and worth hearing, just as he believes that same about you. To get him to listen to you may work best if you start by listening to him. Ask him about his day and look at him when he tells you. Ask him questions so that he reveals greater detail about what interested him. Listen closely and affirm that you have heard what he is saying. When it is your turn to talk -- after he has completely finished his story -- ask him if you can tell him about your day. Choose one compelling story to share with him, something you believe he may find interesting. Tell him the story, but resist telling multiple stories at once. Practice sharing bits at a time rather than inundating your husband with too much information. Remember to ask him his thoughts. Take your time and rebuild your bond through mutual respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Taking my wife out to a restaurant is very challenging for me because my wife comments on everything when it comes to ordering her food. She requires that her potatoes be at room temperature, she needs three ice cubes in her cup and her broccoli spears have to be dipped in butter for five seconds. I say to myself, "Who makes these requests?" Well, my wife does. She is particular about everything. One of our children went to nine colleges before graduating with his bachelor's degree because she did not like the direction the schools were going. We kept searching until we found the right one. Is there a way I can get her to calm down? Do you think we should seek professional help? -- Need Some Help, Chicago

DEAR NEED SOME HELP: Your wife sounds extraordinarily particular, which understandably can be annoying. It may be just how she is. But it is also possible that she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. You could have her evaluated by a mental health professional who should be able to help her develop ways to reduce the degree of intensity that she brings to her various choices and decisions throughout the day. To learn more about OCD, read: mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ocd/basics/symptoms/con-20027827.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)