DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my husband is tuning me out when I talk to him. He does not respect my opinion, even though I know more than he does, and he disregards what I have to say. I am getting tired of his immature behavior, and I would like to know how could I get my husband to listen to me. -- Dearly Beloved, Queens, New York

DEAR DEARLY BELOVED: It sounds like you do not respect your husband, either. It takes two to cultivate loving respect in a relationship. When you say you know more, what are you talking about? To make such a statement implies that you are smarter and more knowledgeable about "everything" than he is. Even if you have the highest IQ in the country, you are not likely to know more about every subject than your husband. So stop acting like a know-it-all.

The way to constructive communication is to treat each other with respect. That means that you must believe that what he says is valuable and worth hearing, just as he believes that same about you. To get him to listen to you may work best if you start by listening to him. Ask him about his day and look at him when he tells you. Ask him questions so that he reveals greater detail about what interested him. Listen closely and affirm that you have heard what he is saying. When it is your turn to talk -- after he has completely finished his story -- ask him if you can tell him about your day. Choose one compelling story to share with him, something you believe he may find interesting. Tell him the story, but resist telling multiple stories at once. Practice sharing bits at a time rather than inundating your husband with too much information. Remember to ask him his thoughts. Take your time and rebuild your bond through mutual respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Taking my wife out to a restaurant is very challenging for me because my wife comments on everything when it comes to ordering her food. She requires that her potatoes be at room temperature, she needs three ice cubes in her cup and her broccoli spears have to be dipped in butter for five seconds. I say to myself, "Who makes these requests?" Well, my wife does. She is particular about everything. One of our children went to nine colleges before graduating with his bachelor's degree because she did not like the direction the schools were going. We kept searching until we found the right one. Is there a way I can get her to calm down? Do you think we should seek professional help? -- Need Some Help, Chicago

DEAR NEED SOME HELP: Your wife sounds extraordinarily particular, which understandably can be annoying. It may be just how she is. But it is also possible that she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. You could have her evaluated by a mental health professional who should be able to help her develop ways to reduce the degree of intensity that she brings to her various choices and decisions throughout the day. To learn more about OCD, read: mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ocd/basics/symptoms/con-20027827.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a woman to help me clean my apartment, and it's not working out so well. She is very sweet and trustworthy, which is important. A friend who knew I needed help at a low price recommended her, but she is not very good. For example, when she cleaned the bathroom, she didn't move anything, so the corners were dirty. So was the mirror above the sink. When I told her about it, she went back and cleaned better, but pretty much everything she cleans is incomplete. Don't get me wrong: I appreciate her help. My place is a mess. But I want it to get clean, and I don't think she can do it. Do you think there's something I can say to her that will help her to be better? Or should I fire her and hire somebody else? -- Cleaning Up, Detroit

DEAR CLEANING UP: Given that you are attempting to clean your home and also learning how to maintain it, you may want to stick it out with this woman and work together room by room. You have a sense of what you want to be done in your home, but you have not been doing it. Show her what you expect in terms of thoroughness. Teach her to clean to your specifications. What you may discover is that as you are teaching her, you are also teaching yourself.

Now, there is another school of thought on this one. You could also hire a true professional who can come in and clean your house thoroughly and quickly. What you will likely miss out on in that experience is the opportunity for personal growth.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into an argument with an old friend about a beef we had when we were in our teens. We were hanging out like old times, and after a few drinks, this stuff just came up and we didn't handle it well. We were yelling and cursing and acting like 15-year-old idiots in 35-year-old bodies. It was embarrassing. And now it's awkward. We really like each other, and the old stuff is so petty now. But our fight was real. I'm not sure how to patch things up. Can you help? -- Bury the Past, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BURY THE PAST: Inebriation and old wounds -- that's a recipe for disaster. It also is an explanation for how past issues come to the fore. Contact your friend and apologize for the argument the other night. Acknowledge that you believe you two never resolved your teenage point of contention. Point out the fact that being intoxicated exacerbated a ticking time bomb. Tell your friend that you are very sorry that things got out of control, and make it clear that you want to forgive each other and rekindle your friendship in the here and now.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is four months pregnant. She is happy about it, kind of, but she is a party girl at heart, and she's having a hard time changing her ways. She still goes out every weekend and parties hard, like coming home after 3 a.m. It's crazy. Plus, she still drinks alcohol and smokes cigarettes. I can't believe what I see when I'm with her. When I have mentioned that she should stop, she just gets mad at me. How can I convince her to make smarter choices? I would hate to see her either kill her baby or compromise its health. What can I do? -- Just Say No, Chicago

DEAR JUST SAY NO: While you cannot control your friend, you can choose to speak to her at a time when she may be able to hear you better. That would not be in the club. Pick a time when she is sober. Ask her how she is doing and how she has been spending her time. Ask her how her most recent checkup went with the doctor. Probe a bit more and ask her if she has told her doctor that she smokes and drinks. This can easily spark an argument, so tread lightly. But tell her that you are very concerned about her baby's health. Ask her to consider stopping these bad habits -- at least until the baby is born.

Further, you can decide not to hang out with her when she is smoking and drinking. By choosing not to be in her company when she does these things, you are making it clear that you do not condone the behavior. It has been proven that smoking and drinking alcohol can cause birth defects, low birth weight, premature delivery and more. Show your friend reports on the effects of smoking and drinking on a growing baby. Here's one source: marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/alcohol-during-pregnancy.aspx.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in love with my best friend for years, and while he loves me, it has never turned into anything. The other day I hung out with him and a friend of his who I didn't know, even though they have been close for a long time. I watched the electricity between them, and it was nuts. I felt so uncomfortable, but I also realized that he never looks at me like that. I guess I always knew he didn't love me like I love him. But what I witnessed was him lusting over this woman. I'm sad that he doesn't feel attracted to me in that way, but at least now I know what it looks like when he does feel that way. My feelings are hurt, but I think it's time for me to give up. How can I do that? -- Waving the Flag, Milwaukee

DEAR WAVING THE FLAG: Put yourself first. You deserve to be adored by the person you love. Lust is often short-lived, so I wouldn't recommend that as a principal desire, but love and adoration are important. Instead of keeping your heart focused on someone who is not interested in offering that to you, change your gaze. Look out and do your best to notice if there is anyone else out there who captures your attention.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)