DEAR HARRIETTE: I finally spoke to my father for the first time since May. I wanted to know how he was doing, and he told me he was doing well. I got the courage to tell him that he missed my graduation ceremony, which hurt me terribly; he skipped over that response, and he went to ask me another question. I was happy to speak with him, even though I really wanted to tell him off, but I was restrained. How do I proceed with future dialogue with my father? I told him to answer my phone calls in the future, but we will see how far that goes. -- Little Faith, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LITTLE FAITH: One of the most difficult tasks for a person to navigate is building a meaningful relationship with someone -- even a parent -- when the other person is either reluctant to do so or unable to be committed. Sadly, you cannot control your father's reaction to you nor his behavior as it relates to communicating with you.

I can tell you that people do not like to be confronted about their behavior, especially when it is irresponsible. They tend to flee. So if you want to have a relationship with your father, you may have to stop confronting him about his actions -- or lack thereof -- even if they are egregious.

You have some very tough decisions to make that include whether you are capable of accepting him however he comes and goes or whether you want to draw the line. If he cannot treat you with respect, you can choose to close the door to him -- at least to reaching out to him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the question and your response to "Under New Management," who is not comfortable helping his son purchase gifts for the mother of his son. My boyfriend's son (also 13) uses his own earned money to buy gifts for his parents for birthdays, holidays, etc. However, his parents take him to purchase such gifts. My ex-husband and I agreed that we wanted our son (who is 10) to be able to give birthday and holiday gifts to us without issues. We take him to shop for and allow him to choose what he wants to give. I even accompanied my boyfriend's son to purchase his mom's Mother's Day gift and felt blessed to be asked to help. Teaching your child to honor others with a gift is part of parenting. Under New Management may want to allow his child to earn spending money via chores if it's the thought of buying the gift that bothers him. -- Being a Parent, Salt Lake City

DEAR BEING A PARENT: Yes, Under New Management has a jaded view that is way too personal with no oversight or empathy for the child. It is important to teach children how to show their love. When children are part of divorced households, it is even more important to be active about showing how to demonstrate that affection. And parents are key in making that happen.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are news junkies. These days, everything seems so sad and scary. War seems to be erupting all over the place. Add to that all kinds of natural disasters. It is awful. Even so, we can't get enough of it. And there is our problem: We have 11-year-old twin sons who are often around when the news is on in the background, and it's beginning to wear on them. The other night they wanted to know if we were going to be bombed like the people in Israel. We attempted to calm them down, but obviously we are the reason they are upset in the first place -- well sort of. How can we get our news fix without upsetting our kids? -- Wanting It All, Laredo, Texas

DEAR WANTING IT ALL: Turn the TV off and talk to your husband about your family. Bring up the conversation points that your children have mentioned, and speak honestly about why they even know all of the detail that has gotten them upset.

Your first responsibility has to be to your children. In this case, it means turning off the TV when they are at home, or at least turning it to child-appropriate channels. With new technology, you can record your program choices to watch after they go to sleep or when they are in another room. You must discipline yourselves to consume news out of their earshot. They will still learn about current events in passing, so you will have to educate them about some of the dangerous things that are happening in their world, but they do not need to be bombarded by it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is a phenomenal person but is almost always unreliable. Well, that is except for when he shows up in grand style and saves the day, kind of like in the movies. While that may seem romantic and all because it is so dramatic, it makes it hard to plan anything because he often doesn't show up, even after committing to be at a particular place. Because this is how he rolls, I'm not exactly sure what I can do to make it better for our mutual friends or me. I am tired of hoping to see him and having my feelings dashed. How can I protect myself? -- Heart Protection, New York City

DEAR HEART PROTECTION: You may need to step away from this friend for a while. Stop asking him to do anything. Since he sounds somewhat like a fair weather friend, treat him that way. If he appears, enjoy his company. If you resist the temptation to ask him to do something, you limit your exposure to hurt feelings.

There is a chance your friend may not even notice the shift if he is truly the narcissist that you are describing. It doesn't matter. You are looking to protect your heart. I would give up on trying to educate him to your feelings. Stop putting yourself in a position to be hurt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that laws are being passed all over the country allowing people to buy marijuana, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to lighten up on letting him smoke in our home. He has been a smoker for years, and I hate it, so I never allowed him to smoke inside. Because it was illegal, that was always an issue. For me it was an issue for two reasons: One, because I don't want to be a part of anything illegal, and two, because I don't care what anybody says, smoking is not good for your health. How can I handle this now that it is legal to buy pot? -- No Smoking, Denver

DEAR NO SMOKING: There are many issues popping up now that marijuana is being legalized across the country. Yours is one that many shared households will be facing. You may want to address it the same way that households who have one cigarette smoker and one who is not handle the situation: You have to make house rules that both parties agree to honor. It's best to explain why you are setting those ground rules. In this case, clean air is a strong argument.

What you may want to do as a compromise is to designate a part of the house that has ventilation and is far away from any common areas where he can smoke in peace. If you can make that compromise, you will likely go a long way in creating a pleasant environment in your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's just about back-to-school time. I have three children who are all growing faster than my wallet. When I was growing up, my siblings and I wore hand-me-downs. That's just how it was. These days, these kids are so interested in having what their friends have that they keep pestering me to buy clothing for them that we cannot afford. I have told them the stories of how I grew up. They couldn't care less. The bottom line is, I cannot afford to get them everything they want. In order to make it work, they are going to have to wear used clothing. The best I can do as a single mom with a low-paying job is to buy them all new shoes. I don't want to dash their self-esteem. How can I mention this so it will work? -- Hand-Me-Down, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR HAND-ME-DOWN: Talk to them as a family and give them the good news first, that you will be able to buy each of them a new pair of shoes. Tell them what the budget limitation is on the shoes so that you clearly manage their expectations. Remind them that the shoes need to serve particular functions, like being useful for sports.

Beyond the shoes, go through their existing wardrobes and identify what will be given to whom. For those who will need supplementary wardrobe items, go to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, where you can find incredible prices for practical items. You may even want to bring them with you, with a budget, so they can shop with your oversight and ultimate approval.