DEAR HARRIETTE: My synagogue does a biannual trip to Israel each year. Our senior rabbi and the director of the Hebrew school take about 10 high school students with them to Israel. My daughter has recently said that she wants to go on this trip because she thinks it will be a good experience. Young Jewish adults are eligible to go on Birthright, a free trip to Israel when they are 18 to 24 years old. I would much rather my daughter go on Birthright instead of with our synagogue because she will be older, and the price is much better. The trip that our synagogue is taking is more than $2,000, while Birthright is free. Am I making the right choice by asking that she wait? -- Weighing the Odds, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR WEIGHING THE ODDS: I want to start by saying that I do not think anyone should be doing the pilgrimage to Israel right now as the war that is currently underway continues to escalate, even in the face of an agreed-upon cease-fire. It is not a safe time to go. I know from talking to many families over the years that often the news reports about war in the area make the reality seem much worse than it is over much of Israel. But by all accounts, the danger is very real right now.

That said, whenever it is the right time for your daughter to go to Israel, the Birthright program has been highly lauded over the years. Given that its curriculum is well-respected and it is free, it seems to be the perfect and practical choice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is a really intense dancer. This year, she got involved in a pre-professional program that takes up at least half of her day. She leaves school every day at 11:45 a.m. in order to catch several trains and get to her dance studio by 1 p.m. Since this program began, she started to take only the required classes that she needs to graduate. I learned from a mutual friend that she does not want to go to college and only wants to pursue a dance career. She is very talented, but being a dancer requires a particular build and a lot of luck, which I am afraid she does not have. I want her to pursue her dreams, but I think college should be priority over a career that could be ruined in a second. How can I tell her that she should go to college instead of pursuing a dance career? -- Helping a Friend, Salt Lake City

DEAR HELPING A FRIEND: This is what parents and guidance counselors are for! You do not have the authority or gravitas to convince your friend to change her heart's desire, nor should you. While I, too, am one to advocate for a college education for everyone, I also know that many people become successful following their hearts with paths that seem unlikely.

Rather than trying to change your friend's mind, ask her questions. Find out what her teachers are saying about her potential. Ask her if she is developing a plan for success in the dance world. You can encourage her to get serious about her passion so that she can learn about her options and then decide if it remains the right decision for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older brother who is only two years older than I am. Ever since we were kids, I feel as if I have followed in his footsteps and lived in his shadow. Throughout school, whenever we had the same teachers, they would constantly compare us and ask if I was his younger sister. Although my parents never specifically said this, they have always expected me to be just like him. Sometimes this pressure motivated me to strive and be my best, but most times I felt as if I were the inferior child. How should I go about trying to be my own person and not be compared to my brother? -- In the Shadows, Syracuse, New York

DEAR IN THE SHADOWS: I have a sister who is two years older than I am, and I remember as a child competing with her in just about everything -- usually losing miserably and feeling frustrated. Never mind the fact that she rarely stoked the flames of my competition, at least not to the extent that I felt them. But there was always some challenge up until I moved away.

As adults we get along fine, although we have had to work through some issues over the years, as many families do. From my personal perspective, I can strongly recommend that whenever you can, make choices that put you in a unique environment where your brother has not yet traveled. That could mean going to a different college or choosing a career path that interests you rather than following in his footsteps. Take time to meditate on you: What do you want in life, independent of anyone else? What makes you happy? Figure these things out, and then plot a life course based on YOU. Then, amazingly, it will be easier for you to be around your brother without feeling anything but familial love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father was recently hospitalized because he had an allergic reaction to a blood pressure medication that he has been taking for a few years. One day, out of nowhere, his tongue swelled up, he couldn't talk and had trouble swallowing food or water. He was taken to the hospital and put on an intravenous drip for a few days. Once he got out of the hospital, it took him a few months to recover from what had occurred. The doctor recommended that he should change the medication, but that he also needed to change his diet and start exercising. He walks every day now, but he continues to eat poorly. Do you have any advice on how to change one's diet to become healthier? -- Scared for Dad, Detroit

DEAR SCARED FOR DAD: Changing habits of any kind can be extraordinarily difficult. Equally hard can be watching someone you love so much making unwise health choices, especially right after what seemed like a near-death experience. You and your family may want to sit down with your dad and scare him into considering a lifestyle change. Tell him how much you love him and want him to live for a long time. Offer to have the whole family change its eating habits so that you get healthy together. Start doing it and see if he will join you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 16 and learning how to drive. About a year ago, he was involved in a golf cart accident that was really traumatizing for him. He was with his friend, driving a golf cart when he did not even have a permit. The golf cart was on a bumpy road. He lost control, and it fell on top of him. Since then, he has been hesitant to drive because he was injured in the accident -- he broke his nose, sprained his ankle and was badly bruised and scarred. My husband and I are trying to teach him how to drive and let him know that he won't be injured, but he is afraid. How should we tell him that driving will not be as bad as he thinks? -- Skittish, Westchester, New York

DEAR SKITTISH: Your son has a legitimate reason to be afraid of driving. He suffered the repercussions of driving without proper training and had to pay significant consequences for it. You cannot prove to him that he will always be safe or free from harm in a car, because you don't know that. What you can do is to get him prepared so that he has all of the tools needed to succeed as a driver.

Preparation includes getting him therapy so that he can talk about the emotional effects that his golf cart accident had on him. He should talk through the experience with a professional and consider how he can heal from that trauma as fully as possible. He also needs formal driving lessons. It would be better if you were not the teachers. You mean well, but he would probably do better going to a professional driving school where he learns every detail about driving from an expert. This should help him relax and realize that one accident does not automatically trigger another.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, my friend needed to borrow a dress for a lavish party that she was attending. I agreed to lend her a dress because I thought that she would give it back right after the event after having it cleaned. We are both in high school, so we don't have much money. I thought I was being a good friend. I have asked her several times since the event if I could have my dress back, and she says that she will give it back, but she has not done so yet. The other day, I saw a picture of her on Facebook wearing my dress again to another event. I really want that dress back, but I feel like she will never give it back to me. What should I do? -- Played, Orlando, Florida

DEAR PLAYED: It is beyond rude for your friend to borrow, wear, rewear and not return your dress. Now may be the time to give her a stronger hint. Click "like" on the photo of her in your dress and add a comment saying: "You look great in my dress. I can't wait to wear it again. Can I pick it up today?" Something like that should get the message across.