DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older brother who is only two years older than I am. Ever since we were kids, I feel as if I have followed in his footsteps and lived in his shadow. Throughout school, whenever we had the same teachers, they would constantly compare us and ask if I was his younger sister. Although my parents never specifically said this, they have always expected me to be just like him. Sometimes this pressure motivated me to strive and be my best, but most times I felt as if I were the inferior child. How should I go about trying to be my own person and not be compared to my brother? -- In the Shadows, Syracuse, New York

DEAR IN THE SHADOWS: I have a sister who is two years older than I am, and I remember as a child competing with her in just about everything -- usually losing miserably and feeling frustrated. Never mind the fact that she rarely stoked the flames of my competition, at least not to the extent that I felt them. But there was always some challenge up until I moved away.

As adults we get along fine, although we have had to work through some issues over the years, as many families do. From my personal perspective, I can strongly recommend that whenever you can, make choices that put you in a unique environment where your brother has not yet traveled. That could mean going to a different college or choosing a career path that interests you rather than following in his footsteps. Take time to meditate on you: What do you want in life, independent of anyone else? What makes you happy? Figure these things out, and then plot a life course based on YOU. Then, amazingly, it will be easier for you to be around your brother without feeling anything but familial love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father was recently hospitalized because he had an allergic reaction to a blood pressure medication that he has been taking for a few years. One day, out of nowhere, his tongue swelled up, he couldn't talk and had trouble swallowing food or water. He was taken to the hospital and put on an intravenous drip for a few days. Once he got out of the hospital, it took him a few months to recover from what had occurred. The doctor recommended that he should change the medication, but that he also needed to change his diet and start exercising. He walks every day now, but he continues to eat poorly. Do you have any advice on how to change one's diet to become healthier? -- Scared for Dad, Detroit

DEAR SCARED FOR DAD: Changing habits of any kind can be extraordinarily difficult. Equally hard can be watching someone you love so much making unwise health choices, especially right after what seemed like a near-death experience. You and your family may want to sit down with your dad and scare him into considering a lifestyle change. Tell him how much you love him and want him to live for a long time. Offer to have the whole family change its eating habits so that you get healthy together. Start doing it and see if he will join you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 16 and learning how to drive. About a year ago, he was involved in a golf cart accident that was really traumatizing for him. He was with his friend, driving a golf cart when he did not even have a permit. The golf cart was on a bumpy road. He lost control, and it fell on top of him. Since then, he has been hesitant to drive because he was injured in the accident -- he broke his nose, sprained his ankle and was badly bruised and scarred. My husband and I are trying to teach him how to drive and let him know that he won't be injured, but he is afraid. How should we tell him that driving will not be as bad as he thinks? -- Skittish, Westchester, New York

DEAR SKITTISH: Your son has a legitimate reason to be afraid of driving. He suffered the repercussions of driving without proper training and had to pay significant consequences for it. You cannot prove to him that he will always be safe or free from harm in a car, because you don't know that. What you can do is to get him prepared so that he has all of the tools needed to succeed as a driver.

Preparation includes getting him therapy so that he can talk about the emotional effects that his golf cart accident had on him. He should talk through the experience with a professional and consider how he can heal from that trauma as fully as possible. He also needs formal driving lessons. It would be better if you were not the teachers. You mean well, but he would probably do better going to a professional driving school where he learns every detail about driving from an expert. This should help him relax and realize that one accident does not automatically trigger another.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, my friend needed to borrow a dress for a lavish party that she was attending. I agreed to lend her a dress because I thought that she would give it back right after the event after having it cleaned. We are both in high school, so we don't have much money. I thought I was being a good friend. I have asked her several times since the event if I could have my dress back, and she says that she will give it back, but she has not done so yet. The other day, I saw a picture of her on Facebook wearing my dress again to another event. I really want that dress back, but I feel like she will never give it back to me. What should I do? -- Played, Orlando, Florida

DEAR PLAYED: It is beyond rude for your friend to borrow, wear, rewear and not return your dress. Now may be the time to give her a stronger hint. Click "like" on the photo of her in your dress and add a comment saying: "You look great in my dress. I can't wait to wear it again. Can I pick it up today?" Something like that should get the message across.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a junior in high school. Her school is very competitive and time-consuming, but is one of the best public high schools in the country. She gets home and does her work, but with her extracurriculars and other commitments, she barely has any free time. She is constantly stressed out about her homework, tests and quizzes, essays or projects, and she sleeps only about four to five hours a night. In addition to all the work from school that she has, she is worried about college and the SAT. I have tried to talk to her about stress management and that everything will be OK in the end, but she barely has time to talk to me, and doesn't listen. Is there any way I can make my daughter less stressed or try to help to her with her work? -- On Her Last Study Session, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR ON HER LAST STUDY SESSION: Rather than talking about stress, which can easily lead to more stress, carve out small bits of time to do something fun, like go for a walk, go to the beach or take in a movie.

Yes, your daughter's schedule is tight, but adding exercise and fun to it here and there will help to keep her spirits up, her blood pressure low and her love of life higher.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost my job about six months ago, and I have recently been trying to find a new one. Before I lost my job, I was in business and worked there for 20 years. I really need a job to help support my family and my young kids. My wife works, but I was always the primary supporter of the family. My kids do not realize what happened, but all they do know is that they cannot have all the toys that they used to. I have applied for a few different positions, and have even gotten interviews with some of the companies, but after the interview, they never call me back. I thought I was doing a good job -- I dressed appropriately, and I have a lot of experience. How can I present myself in a way that makes companies want to hire me? -- Need a Job, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR NEED A JOB: Follow up with the potential employers and human resources executives with whom you have met. Ask if they would be willing to tell you why they did not hire you. Explain that you are interested in doing your best to present yourself effectively so that future employers will see the capable person you consider yourself to be. Be persistent about this. If you can get real feedback from individuals who have interviewed you, you will be able to look more closely at what you are doing right or wrong.

Other than that, don't stop looking. The job market is slowing opening up, and there very well may be a position available for you. Keep your eyes open so that you can see it when it crosses your path.