DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my best friends got into a petty fight last year while they were playing tennis. One of them got hurt, and the other tried to tell her to sit out of the game so she could feel better. She apologized after she realized what she said, but the other still hasn't forgiven her. This became a big problem for our friend group. After the fight began, they both lost a lot of friends when people started taking sides. The fight continued throughout the whole year, despite every effort to try to get them to be civil with each other. We realize that they cannot be friends again, but is there a way that we can get them to talk with each other? -- No Longer Friends, Detroit

DEAR NO LONGER FRIENDS: One day your friends may wake up and realize that their fight was virtually meaningless. Naturally, when in the heat of the moment, especially a competitive one like the middle of a tennis game, tempers flare up quickly. The reason they have stayed flared is because they exposed their conflict to a larger group. Oddly, what we do when we are upset is to create our own little battlegrounds, just like those that are created in the Middle East and elsewhere that conflicts run high. We get people to side with us, and then friction builds and builds until an explosive situation often replaces pure tension.

Until everyone is thinking with a cooler head, it is unlikely that these people will see the folly of their ways. But for anyone who does see how hurtful the aftermath of this unfortunate incident has been on your friend group, you can speak up. You can say you are sorry that the argument got out of hand and festered the way it did and that you, for one, want your friends back. You can ask others if they would like to bury the proverbial hatchet and rekindle your bond. As soon as you get one to say yes, work on that relationship as you look to add others, including the initial instigators.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I are in our last year of high school, and we have gotten very close. We have made the most of this year, but reality has just hit us that next year we will not be together anymore. We are all going to different schools across the country and even around the world. We really want to try to remain friends, but we do not know the best way to do so. We will all be doing our own thing in different time zones, so it might be hard to keep in touch. Is there an effective way to maintain our friendships while we are all busy? -- On Our Way, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR ON OUR WAY: You are all about to embark upon one of the greatest transition moments in your life. As friends, some of you will likely stay close, while others may not. With the intention of keeping your bond alive, you can suggest that you video chat once a month, that you continue to text regularly and that you come back home at least once a year and make sure to see friends when you see family. Then watch it play out. Trust that everything will work out for the best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a project manager, and the hardest part of my job is to make people respect my authority. I do not know how many times I had to say, "this is my project" because I have the final say on how things need to be done in the end. The men that work on my team are having a tough time accepting a woman holding this position. How do I ease the tension and at the same time get them to respect my authority? -- Boss Lady, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BOSS LADY: You cannot tell people to respect you. You must earn it. Start by developing a strong relationship with your boss, because you will need support if your team members challenge your authority. Rather than bandying about your power, figure out creative ways to encourage your team to do their job. Though you are ultimately responsible, encourage them to come up with ideas on how to do a better job. They will become more motivated if you show them that you value their contributions. As you do this, gently remind them that even the best idea needs a sign-off from you.

Instead of requiring people to come to you directly with their forms, place a bin in a neutral location where they can put their requests. This way, at least early on, they do not have to interact with you in order to get approval. Over time, as they see how you work and what you approve, little by little some of your team may begin to talk more openly with you about ideas.

While this may seem ludicrous and the fruit of sexism, it actually is a way to work within views and judgments that seem to be old and crusty in an effort to soften up the team and get them to view you and their work in a new way. If you are able to stay positive and chip away at their stereotypical beliefs, you may ultimately win them over, and, therefore, prove to them that there is no reason for them to doubt a woman's credibility. It will likely take time, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew will be getting married in August. What is the appropriate dress code regarding wearing pantyhose these days? It seems everyone woman you see in a dress is barelegged. I want to dress appropriately and be comfortable at the same time. -- Dressing my Best, Chicago

DEAR DRESSING MY BEST: Generally speaking, most women do not wear pantyhose in the summer these days, even for dressy occasions. Dress codes have relaxed dramatically in the past few years, leaving pantyhose more like a memory for many people.

That said, you really should check with your nephew's fiancee or the wedding planner. If the wedding is going to be held in church, and the church in question is a conservative one, you may indeed be expected to wear hosiery. Because you would never want to disrespect the authority or modesty of the church, asking is the best policy. If you are encouraged to wear hosiery, invest in a good quality pair of ultra-sheer hose that won't be unbearable to wear in the heat.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have grown close to my sister's eldest child. She even stays with me once a year when she is on break from college. I know she is close to her mother, but I realize that she tells me things that her mother doesn't know. She just told me that she is sexually active. I have talked to her mother about this possibility with her daughter, and she seemed ready to accept it, since her daughter is already 21 (even though she still lives at home), but I don't think she knows it is actually happening. Right now my niece has my confidence, and I am giving her the best advice I can. But I wonder if I should tell her mother. What would you do? -- Keeping Confidences, Atlantic City, New Jersey

DEAR KEEPING CONFIDENCES: This is a tough situation, and one without a simple answer. I believe that since your niece is officially an adult with the right to make her own choices and she has asked you to be her confidant, that is probably your best role for now. If you can give her sound advice on her behavior, including as much as you can on practicing safer sex, you will be helping her and her mom.

Nobody can prevent your niece from being intimate. What you can do is talk about safety and your family's values (without preaching). Most of all, you can listen to learn what she is thinking and what she is doing so that you can figure out how best to support her.

People become sexually active at many different ages these days, and the notion of waiting for marriage is all but obsolete for many. Being careful and respectful of yourself as you enter intimate arenas is still commonly encouraged. You should definitely encourage her to make conscious decisions about her partners. She must learn to value herself and her body first. Otherwise, hurt feelings will surely come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband died of cancer six years ago. When he was alive, he was very close with our daughter and had a better connection with her than I. They would see every movie in theaters together and had a good bond. She took his death very hard and is still suffering. Since he died, she has blamed me entirely for his death, even though he died from cancer. She got into a lot of trouble in college. She was arrested, had to transfer three times and is still barely passing her classes. I have done everything that I can to help her, but nothing has worked. This year, she even rented an apartment without me, and now she has to move because it is infested with rats and bugs. I know I can't give up on her, but I am not sure what else I can do to help her. How should I approach this situation so she sees me an ally instead of an enemy? -- Estranged Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ESTRANGED MOM: You and your daughter can use professional support. Find a grief counselor who will talk the two of you through the past six years. Convince your daughter to go to at least one session. If she can find benefit in a conversation that is managed by a neutral trained party, she may we be willing to commit. In order to heal, she has to face her demons. Doing it with you may help you both to get closer.