DEAR HARRIETTE: I have grown close to my sister's eldest child. She even stays with me once a year when she is on break from college. I know she is close to her mother, but I realize that she tells me things that her mother doesn't know. She just told me that she is sexually active. I have talked to her mother about this possibility with her daughter, and she seemed ready to accept it, since her daughter is already 21 (even though she still lives at home), but I don't think she knows it is actually happening. Right now my niece has my confidence, and I am giving her the best advice I can. But I wonder if I should tell her mother. What would you do? -- Keeping Confidences, Atlantic City, New Jersey

DEAR KEEPING CONFIDENCES: This is a tough situation, and one without a simple answer. I believe that since your niece is officially an adult with the right to make her own choices and she has asked you to be her confidant, that is probably your best role for now. If you can give her sound advice on her behavior, including as much as you can on practicing safer sex, you will be helping her and her mom.

Nobody can prevent your niece from being intimate. What you can do is talk about safety and your family's values (without preaching). Most of all, you can listen to learn what she is thinking and what she is doing so that you can figure out how best to support her.

People become sexually active at many different ages these days, and the notion of waiting for marriage is all but obsolete for many. Being careful and respectful of yourself as you enter intimate arenas is still commonly encouraged. You should definitely encourage her to make conscious decisions about her partners. She must learn to value herself and her body first. Otherwise, hurt feelings will surely come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband died of cancer six years ago. When he was alive, he was very close with our daughter and had a better connection with her than I. They would see every movie in theaters together and had a good bond. She took his death very hard and is still suffering. Since he died, she has blamed me entirely for his death, even though he died from cancer. She got into a lot of trouble in college. She was arrested, had to transfer three times and is still barely passing her classes. I have done everything that I can to help her, but nothing has worked. This year, she even rented an apartment without me, and now she has to move because it is infested with rats and bugs. I know I can't give up on her, but I am not sure what else I can do to help her. How should I approach this situation so she sees me an ally instead of an enemy? -- Estranged Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ESTRANGED MOM: You and your daughter can use professional support. Find a grief counselor who will talk the two of you through the past six years. Convince your daughter to go to at least one session. If she can find benefit in a conversation that is managed by a neutral trained party, she may we be willing to commit. In order to heal, she has to face her demons. Doing it with you may help you both to get closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt is super nosy. She constantly tries to read my Facebook messages over my shoulder, and she goes through my drawers when I'm out of the room without asking. She even asks me invasive questions about my love life, like what things I have physically done with other people. When she comes to visit, I feel like I never get any privacy, and her excuse is always that she can do what she wants because she's family. How can I tell her that I find what she's doing very rude? -- Drawing the Line, Baltimore

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Drum up the courage to have a heart-to-heart with your aunt. Tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Then explain that her recent actions have upset you. Describe several incidents where you believe she violated your privacy. Tell her you know that she loves you and believes that she has your best interest at heart, but what she is doing is making you uncomfortable. Ask her to stop going through your things.

Stop answering her badgering questions. Close your computer when she comes by. And tell your mother everything so that she can have your back. You may have to allow someone to see all aspects of your life. Ask your mother to be that person and to be a buffer for your aunt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. We have a great relationship, and he definitely helps out around the house, but he constantly complains about having to do little things. I'm the primary breadwinner, so I pay most of the bills. He works from home, and he constantly complains about cooking one meal a day (dinner) and keeping the house neat, even though I am unable to do these things since I don't come home until 9 or 10 at night. He really doesn't have very much to do, and I don't appreciate his bad attitude. How can I bring up this topic without offending him? -- Striking a Balance, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: What you and your boyfriend need are house rules. You need to establish what the lines of responsibility generally are for each of you in your home based on need and availability. Ask him to participate in a family meeting. Tell him you want to talk about chores. Point out that as a team you two can do anything, and you want to make sure that you are both on the same team.

Be careful not to snub his work. Even though he works from home, he very well may work very hard during that time, and his efforts should absolutely be valued. Based on your schedule, however, it is practical for him to prepare dinner. Do you make breakfast? Make sure that you balance the meal prep by starting the day with some kind of meal that you prepare and serve.

Talk about what has to get done, and remind your boyfriend that establishing a home together takes focus on both of your parts. Do not bring up your wage-earner status. Keep the conversation about duties and needs. Make a physical list and check off who is going to do what. Then ignore the attitude when it comes. It should fade away over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend got into a huge fight with her parents and wants to stay with me in my apartment for a while. My roommate is fine with it, but I'm confused about what to do, since I've never been in this situation. The fight didn't sound that awful to me, but she was very upset. Should I let her stay with me, or should I encourage her to figure things out with her parents? -- In the Middle, Syracuse, New York

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You have not said your ages, so I am going to assume that your friend is not a minor. If she is a minor, you must tell her parents where she is, or you could be considered a kidnapper, even if you are trying to help.

Since you are able to allow your friend to stay at your home, do so. Give her a clear timeline by which she has to leave -- a day to a week. While she is at your place, get her to open up. Find out what's going on, as it relates to the argument and also any other details about her relationship with her family. Do your best to learn what is beneath the tremendous emotion and turmoil that would lead to your friend wanting to run away.

Let her know that you care about her and want her to be happy. Make it clear that you have no intention of taking sides as it relates to her family business. Urge her to go home and straighten things out, even if she ultimately intends to move out. Clearing the air with her parents should be her goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother is such a worrywart. We've even had to stop telling her when we go out of town because all she does is freak out and call multiple times a day to make sure we're OK. Recently, my mother went out of the country and didn't tell my grandmother. I told her by accident, and now she's calling every day, hysterical, to see if we've talked to my mother. Is there a polite way to tell her to stop worrying and calling so much? -- Protecting Grandma, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR PROTECTING GRANDMA: It is common for older people to become more highly sensitive to their surroundings, their loved ones and all aspects of their lives. Because they often feel more fragile and vulnerable in the world and they realize they do not have the capacity to fix things as they once did, they can become distressed about change of any kind.

The best thing you and your family can do is decide together what you will share with your grandmother and then stick to that. If travel is a trigger for her, keep your trips under wraps. You can also try to set up call times, saying you will call when you arrive at a destination but not during your trip, and that you will call when you return, a time she can already know. By creating clear boundaries for your grandmother, you may make it easier for her to be calmer and for you to enjoy your life.