life

Overheating Employee Dreads Going to Work

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is so hot that I am finding it hard to go to work or do anything else for that matter. I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but I feel like I sweat all day long, from the moment I wake up until ... well, it doesn't really stop. I feel like my job is going to be in jeopardy if I can't get my act together, but I don't know how. OK, so I am overweight, but I'm not going to be able to lose a significant amount of weight during this season, so I have to figure out something else. I don't have enough vacation time to take the summer off. What can I do to be able to survive this season? -- Sweaty and Frustrated, Atlanta

DEAR SWEATY AND FRUSTRATED: You haven't said what type of work you do. But in general, I would start by recommending that you select a wardrobe of clothing that is made of natural fibers, like cotton and linen. These fibers can breathe and are easier to wear in the stifling heat and humidity. When you shower, end with cool water. Make sure, however, that you clean your body thoroughly with soap in order to prevent or at least minimize body odor. Consider lightly dusting your body with odorless body powder, which can help to cool you down during a hot day. Drink lots of water all day long. Avoid spicy food. Do your best to stay out of extremes -- either freezing air conditioning or outdoors in the elements. Attempt to stay cool by not getting too cold or hot.

I also recommend that you make an appointment with your doctor to review your medical history and determine if there are any underlying medical issues that need to be addressed that may cause excessive sweating for you. If your doctor will allow you to exercise, definitely get into a fitness routine, preferably either early in the morning or in the evening when the temperatures are more forgiving.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Mom Wants To Help Family Cut Cords To Electronics

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, I used to play board games with my family all the time. Now that I have my own family, I feel like all we do is watch TV or my kids are in separate corners playing on their electronic devices. I don't want to be that mom who gives in to the trends of the day, but it is really tough to get them to want to engage. And when I come home from a super-long day at work, it is hard for me to get enough energy to want to do anything big with them. How can I shift things for my family? -- Wanting to Connect, Detroit

DEAR WANTING TO CONNECT: What was your favorite game as a child? Start there. Introduce the game to your children when you do have energy. Invite them to play with you for a specific period of time. Suggest that all electronics -- phones, televisions and other devices -- be turned off during that time. Make the game a fun experience. Then invite them to play with you again in a few days.

You can also limit their screen time and phones on a daily or weekly basis. Introducing a fun alternative can make it feel like a choice rather than a punishment.

Family & Parenting
life

International Guest Wearing Out Her Welcome

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been hosting students from other countries for several years now. They come through a formal service, and everything is set up according to a particular schedule and financial plan. This year, we had a problem, though, because one of the students came without the proper amount of money she needs for the month that she would be staying with me. From the first day, she asked me to lend her money, saying that her money would be coming in soon. "Something happened," she explained, so now she has to wait a week or so. I contacted the agency, which assured me that she was supposed to have all of her ducks in a row.

So now I am stuck paying for this young lady out of my own pocket, which just isn't the way that this whole thing works. She is a young woman from another country. I can't just let her starve. But I need to figure this out. Can you help me? -- Border Patrol, New York City

DEAR BORDER PATROL: Go higher up the food chain with the agency that sent this young lady to you. Get someone on the phone who can talk through the protocols that you have in order. Review whatever contracts you use for this hosting work that you have been doing. Explain the young lady's situation and request that the agency wire money either directly to you or to her (with your knowledge) so that she has enough money to take care of herself. If the agency refuses and you are unwilling or unable to take on her debt, ask to make arrangements to send her home early. You can put your foot down, even though it will be difficult.

Money
life

Brother-In-Law Has The Gift Of Gab

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't really get along with my brother-in-law. He talks a lot, and it irritates me to no end. When I go over his house, I have to endure him talking and talking and talking about every little thing imaginable. He is the opposite of what I think men should be like. He reminds me of a woman who is the head of a group of girlfriends. I'm not kidding. He just talks forever, so much so that my sister hardly gets a word in edgewise, or at least it seems that way to me. I don't hear her complaining, but I can't imagine that she likes it. How can I spend time with my sister -- whom I love so much -- without having to be around him all the time? -- Drown Him Out, Boston

DEAR DROWN HIM OUT: Instead of going over your sister's house randomly, make dates with her when you are going for a specific reason that revolves around her. You can even schedule dates with her outside of the house -- anything from going grocery shopping together to going to exercise class or out for drinks. Get some alone time in with her so that you can fill your cup. Then, when you are at their home, practice patience. Listen for a while, but don't stay too long. Or go in the other room when it gets to be too much.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Missed Email Causes Work Frustration

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to travel 45 minutes by bus to get to work, and the bus comes only once an hour, something that my boss knows. I came in to work and discovered that the doors were locked. A custodian let me in, but my department was still locked. I checked my email and saw that my boss had sent me an email 45 minutes prior to when I would have had to be in the office (after I would have already been on the bus) that I didn't need to come in today. I found this rude, since she knows my situation, and I had to use my own money to pay for the bus to and from work that day, which was a waste of my wages, as the bus fare is not cheap. Do I have a right to ask for compensation for my troubles? -- Snubbed at Work, Detroit

DEAR SNUBBED AT WORK: Chances are your boss did not intentionally make the decision not to open the office that day too late for you to know. It's more likely that she did not realize that she didn't take her staff's travel time into account. Often, important decisions get made in a vacuum, and some things that should be obvious are overlooked. This does not make your boss's actions right; however, it can explain how such a thing could have happened.

I think it is fair for you to mention to your boss that you did not get the message in time and you came to work unnecessarily. You can say how much your commute costs and ask if you could possibly be reimbursed. By asking in a humble way, you create space for your boss to apologize and give you the money that you spent.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Group Attendees Should Rsvp To Hosts

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I run a writing critique group that meets once a week. It is a small group; therefore, we depend on the attendance of the members, which we make clear in the beginning. Of course, there are times when people are unable to make it, and we ask that they let us know ahead of time. However, there have been a couple of people who just won't show up one week, or for a few weeks at a time, with no explanation. Is it wrong to expect that members of a group let us know if they can't make a meeting, even if we did not explicitly state that they should tell us when we started the group? -- Team Work, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR TEAM WORK: It is perfectly within your rights to follow up with members of your writing critique group to ask them to honor their obligation to attend and participate in your group sessions. Contact each of the no-shows to find out if they are all right and if they intend to come back. Explain how difficult it can be when members do not show up. Ask them to commit more fully to the group if they want to continue to be a part of it.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School

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