DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been hosting students from other countries for several years now. They come through a formal service, and everything is set up according to a particular schedule and financial plan. This year, we had a problem, though, because one of the students came without the proper amount of money she needs for the month that she would be staying with me. From the first day, she asked me to lend her money, saying that her money would be coming in soon. "Something happened," she explained, so now she has to wait a week or so. I contacted the agency, which assured me that she was supposed to have all of her ducks in a row.

So now I am stuck paying for this young lady out of my own pocket, which just isn't the way that this whole thing works. She is a young woman from another country. I can't just let her starve. But I need to figure this out. Can you help me? -- Border Patrol, New York City

DEAR BORDER PATROL: Go higher up the food chain with the agency that sent this young lady to you. Get someone on the phone who can talk through the protocols that you have in order. Review whatever contracts you use for this hosting work that you have been doing. Explain the young lady's situation and request that the agency wire money either directly to you or to her (with your knowledge) so that she has enough money to take care of herself. If the agency refuses and you are unwilling or unable to take on her debt, ask to make arrangements to send her home early. You can put your foot down, even though it will be difficult.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't really get along with my brother-in-law. He talks a lot, and it irritates me to no end. When I go over his house, I have to endure him talking and talking and talking about every little thing imaginable. He is the opposite of what I think men should be like. He reminds me of a woman who is the head of a group of girlfriends. I'm not kidding. He just talks forever, so much so that my sister hardly gets a word in edgewise, or at least it seems that way to me. I don't hear her complaining, but I can't imagine that she likes it. How can I spend time with my sister -- whom I love so much -- without having to be around him all the time? -- Drown Him Out, Boston

DEAR DROWN HIM OUT: Instead of going over your sister's house randomly, make dates with her when you are going for a specific reason that revolves around her. You can even schedule dates with her outside of the house -- anything from going grocery shopping together to going to exercise class or out for drinks. Get some alone time in with her so that you can fill your cup. Then, when you are at their home, practice patience. Listen for a while, but don't stay too long. Or go in the other room when it gets to be too much.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to travel 45 minutes by bus to get to work, and the bus comes only once an hour, something that my boss knows. I came in to work and discovered that the doors were locked. A custodian let me in, but my department was still locked. I checked my email and saw that my boss had sent me an email 45 minutes prior to when I would have had to be in the office (after I would have already been on the bus) that I didn't need to come in today. I found this rude, since she knows my situation, and I had to use my own money to pay for the bus to and from work that day, which was a waste of my wages, as the bus fare is not cheap. Do I have a right to ask for compensation for my troubles? -- Snubbed at Work, Detroit

DEAR SNUBBED AT WORK: Chances are your boss did not intentionally make the decision not to open the office that day too late for you to know. It's more likely that she did not realize that she didn't take her staff's travel time into account. Often, important decisions get made in a vacuum, and some things that should be obvious are overlooked. This does not make your boss's actions right; however, it can explain how such a thing could have happened.

I think it is fair for you to mention to your boss that you did not get the message in time and you came to work unnecessarily. You can say how much your commute costs and ask if you could possibly be reimbursed. By asking in a humble way, you create space for your boss to apologize and give you the money that you spent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I run a writing critique group that meets once a week. It is a small group; therefore, we depend on the attendance of the members, which we make clear in the beginning. Of course, there are times when people are unable to make it, and we ask that they let us know ahead of time. However, there have been a couple of people who just won't show up one week, or for a few weeks at a time, with no explanation. Is it wrong to expect that members of a group let us know if they can't make a meeting, even if we did not explicitly state that they should tell us when we started the group? -- Team Work, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR TEAM WORK: It is perfectly within your rights to follow up with members of your writing critique group to ask them to honor their obligation to attend and participate in your group sessions. Contact each of the no-shows to find out if they are all right and if they intend to come back. Explain how difficult it can be when members do not show up. Ask them to commit more fully to the group if they want to continue to be a part of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm having a problem with a girl I met a couple of years ago but haven't spoken with very much since. Meanwhile, she desperately wants to be friends. We are Facebook friends, and she contacted me via Facebook for my birthday. After she saw that I went to an event, she wrote that we should video chat, using a lot of exclamation points and emoticons, as if we're best friends. Even though I never messaged her back, she doesn't seem to get the hint that I'm not interested in being friends. What should I do? -- Being Stalked, Seattle

DEAR BEING STALKED: You can "unfriend" her on Facebook if you are prepared to make it clear that you no longer want anything to do with her. Or you can simply not respond to her when she goes overboard with her familiarities. Or you can write to her to ask her to cool it. The one caveat with the latter option is that any communication may prove to be too exciting for her if it means that you are interacting. Best is to cut your ties.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman, and my male friend's girlfriend is convinced that guys and girls cannot be just friends unless something previously happened between them. She can get a little jealous when he and I hang out alone. I had romantic feelings toward him years ago, before they started dating, which lasted only a couple of months before we settled into friendship. He is currently one of my best friends. Should I talk to his girlfriend and reassure her that I am not interested in him, or should I just let it be? -- Platonic Friends, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PLATONIC FRIENDS: While you may not be interested in your friend in any romantic way at this time, who knows where your friend stands -- or what he used to think about you? Your friend's girlfriend may be aware that there once was interest between the two of you. It's hard to say.

Rather than attempting to convince her of anything through your words, let your actions say it all. Show that you are truly just a friend with no ulterior motives. Make the decision to get to know her. If it seems that the two of them are going to be a couple, does it make sense for you to build a relationship with her -- with your friend's blessing, of course?

Over time, if you do all stay friends, she will be able to see for herself that you are not a threat to their relationship. You cannot vouch for any other male-female bond, but your own behavior will be evidence of what your intentions are. Hopefully, that will be enough for her to relax and decide to accept you into the fold of their bond. Of course, you will have to be mindful to give them space to themselves. When couples fall in love, they do need alone time, including away from their best friends.