DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter applied to 11 colleges, and she was accepted to all of them. The colleges are mostly on the East Coast, and we are trying to figure out which college will be the best suited for our child. It is such a blessing to know that my husband and I do not have to take out any additional loans, but we are concerned because we want to make the best decision regarding our daughter's education. How do we decide where she should go? -- Going to College, Atlanta

DEAR GOING TO COLLEGE: Congratulations on so many acceptances. You should be very proud that your daughter is so appealing to these schools. I will also caution you that unless each acceptance came with an official scholarship offer, you cannot assume that you will not have to pay for her education. Acceptance and admission represent the first steps in this process. Next is paying for it.

Read the paperwork carefully, and identify which schools are offering financial support. If you need the support, weed out any schools that are not offering your daughter money. Next, review the curriculum of each school with your daughter to identify which ones have courses in her areas of interest. To the best of your ability, help your daughter select a school that will educate her based on what she thinks she wants to study. This will help ensure that she has a successful college experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can you feel comfortable when most of the people around you are speaking a different language? I went to an event with a friend who is French, and most of her friends who were at this party were also French speakers. At first my friend was very attentive. She introduced me to everybody as we walked around. It was very pleasant. But then she got caught up in conversation in French, and I was left standing there looking stupid. I walked around and tried to make small talk with other people who she had introduced to me, but that didn't last long. After a while, I just found a seat and watched the party. I didn't have a horrible time, but I was really uncomfortable because I could not speak the language. It was more than an hour before my friend even noticed that I was sitting by myself. She came over for a minute, but then went off again. Should I have done something different? Should I say anything to her? -- Francophobe, Greenwich, Conn.

DEAR FRANCOPHOBE: I doubt that your friend and the others intended to exile you by speaking French all night long. More than likely, they forgot that you were not a French speaker. What you could have done would be to interject your voice from time to time in conversation and ask your friend to translate what the others were saying. You also could have pulled your friend aside to ask her if she would stay with you for the purpose of translating so that you could be included.

Yes, you should tell her that you felt uncomfortable and ask her to be your translator next time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I see my grandmother -- every month -- she gives me a present. She is so sweet, and I really appreciate it. My question is should I be sending her a thank-you note every time? Since she's been doing this for years, I really haven't been writing her notes. But then I had the thought the other day that she probably would appreciate a note from me and it might even spark her to write back. It would be awesome to have letters from my grandmother to hold onto. What do you think? -- Should I Write, Orlando, Fla.

DEAR SHOULD I WRITE: Since you see your grandmother so frequently, which is a blessing, and she always gifts you, you may want to consider your note to her differently. Yes, you can say thank you for her gift, but more, share with her a few bits about your life. Tell her in regular notes about experiences you are having. Write in detail knowing that she will likely use your stories to brag to her friends about your experiences. Choose to relay positive stories that she can embrace. Hold on to your challenges and share them with your parents, friends or even a professional when needed. Older people tend to worry more, and you have no reason to give her something that will upset her.

Whenever you find that you really benefited from something that your grandmother gave you, by all means, write to her and say so. You can also provide a window into your personal preferences simply by sharing little stories with her about your daily experiences. She will surely write back and then the two of you will have a new way of interacting with each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Some time has passed since my uncle died, and I feel bad that I haven't talked to his family more. He and I were close, but we didn't talk much. I talked to his children even less. I know they are still sad that he died. I want to be there for them in whatever way that I can. Do you think it will seem tacky to reach out now? It has been several months since we have spoken. I'm not trying to create false expectations about what our relationship might be. I do want to stay in touch with them. -- Wanting to Connect, Paramus, N.J.

DEAR WANTING TO CONNECT: Checking in on your family to see how they are doing is a wonderful thing, especially after a big loss. So what if you haven't been extra attentive? Choose now to make it a priority to reach out to them from time to time. Grief is a process that can last a long time. Don't forget that you are grieving your uncle, too.

When he or they come to mind, pick up the phone, send an email, send a letter or go to visit. Over time, you can cultivate a refreshed relationship with them if you choose to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm worried about my daughter. Most of her friends went out of town or even out of the country for spring break while we stayed home. We had a nice time together as a family, with my husband and I taking one of the two school weeks off to hang with her. The other week she had play dates with various friends. But I remember last year when the kids got back to school and were recounting stories of their adventures, my daughter was kind of sad because she didn't have a big trip. How can I help her feel good about what we did together? I want to prepare her so that she feels confident and happy when she sees her friends again. -- Protective Mom, Los Angeles

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Keeping up with the Joneses has always been dangerous and continues to be today. Maybe that's why it's even mentioned in the Bible with the notion of not lusting over someone else or their things. Yet is it incredibly hard to master. Naturally, we notice what others do and often envy their experiences or possessions.

It is up to the parents to model appropriate behavior in these situations. As far as spring break activities go, review with your daughter what her experiences were. Talk about the highlights so that she can remember for herself where she found joy. Help her to recall special experiences that she can treasure in the future. Also, encourage her to listen to the other children's stories and enjoy them for what they are. She can soak in the full measure of what they share and be happy that they had the experience and that they chose to relay it to the class without feeling bad because she didn't do the same thing.

This is an ongoing responsibility for you, especially if your child goes to school with children who have deeper pockets than your family. It is essential for your child to feel confident and valued, regardless of how much money or stuff you do or do not have.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is in his mid-80s and is doing fairly well. He is retired, of course, but he stays active. The uncomfortable thing is that his hygiene is not so good. He wears the same clothes all the time and rarely washes them. He also often seems a little dirty, like he's not brushing his teeth or washing his body daily. I feel uncomfortable addressing this with him, but my mom is gone and he doesn't have care. He isn't sick or anything, just not clean. What can I do? I live about a half-hour away, and I want to help. -- Helpful Son, Shreveport, La.

DEAR HELPFUL SON: Sit down with your father and remind him of a time when he gave you guidance on how to take care of yourself. Pick the best story you can remember. Then tell him you feel like it's your turn to support him.

Praise him for continuing to enjoy his life, and then tell him you want to help him take care of himself. Suggest that you come once a week to wash clothes. Then remind him that he needs to shower or bathe daily and take time with personal hygiene. Ask him if you can help him shave. He may balk at first, but that's a way in to reminding him to brush his teeth, etc.