life

Reader Frustrated by Boss Who Fails to Communicate

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 10th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got really frustrated with my boss last week because she has not been answering my queries in a timely manner. I have left her voicemails and emails and requested meetings so that we can iron out some key details about an upcoming project, and all I get back are crickets. Nothing. Nada. She is very busy, so she isn't in the office much. I would go sit in her office and try to talk to her face-to-face, but I don't know when she will be there. How can I get my job done if she doesn't handle her part of it? What can I do to protect myself? I'm afraid that we are going to have a disaster on our hands if she doesn't take action, and I don't want to be blamed for it. -- In Knots, San Diego

DEAR IN KNOTS: Document everything and do your best to stay calm and professional while you are at it. Instead of firing off an angry email when you are feeling frustrated, take a walk, do some deep breathing and let off steam in a private, safe way.

With your boss, be extremely professional and clear. You can title your emails "URGENT," "TIME SENSITIVE," "DEADLINE TODAY" or something similar to stress the importance of the situation. Keep her apprised of the risks involved in not responding in a timely manner. In writing, remind her of all of the details of the project and where things stand. Make your notes succinct. You may want to bullet point or number each item to make it easy for her to respond to you.

When deadlines pass, send her a note. When you see a crisis looming, inform her of your concern. Keep all communication brief and unemotional.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 10, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 10th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a parent at my son's school the other day, and we had a lovely chat. I have seen him around over the years, and to tell the truth, I have a little crush on him. Every time I see him, my heart beats faster. I know that sounds ridiculous. I am married; he is married. I have absolutely no intention of acting on my feelings, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him. Because I have noticed it, I have steered clear of him. It's some kind of physical magnetism that I'm feeling. I'm not afraid that I can't control myself, but I'm not quite sure how to squash it. -- Feeling Hot, Denver

DEAR FEELING HOT: Trust your instincts and keep your distance from this man. The way to ensure that your quickened heartbeat doesn't turn into something more is to do nothing to quicken its pace further. You can be friendly from a distance, but don't put yourself in a situation where you might be tempted even to touch him. There is something to be said for the power of sexual energy. Don't test your willpower. Keep your distance.

life

Woman Trashes Husband's Attempt at Breakfast

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 8th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my husband. He is a wonderful man, but when it comes to his cooking, I would rather he not step in our kitchen ever again. Last Saturday, my husband took the initiative to make breakfast; he made pancakes, scrambled eggs and turkey sausages. His goal was to put a smile on my face. Sadly, I threw out the food he made because it was terrible. He was upset because I threw out the cooked food and made breakfast the right way. I think I could have handled the situation differently. -- Sacred Ground, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR SACRED GROUND: You are tough. It would have been far nicer for you to thank your husband for trying and to eat what you could. You insulted him and surely hurt his feelings. Instead, encourage him to spend some time in the kitchen with you.

You can still thank him for his efforts and invite him to make a special meal with you. Teach him how to make eggs to your liking, or choose another dish. As a couple, you can have fun learning about anything. Attitude is everything! And you, dear one, need an attitude adjustment.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 08, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 8th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I started our family late. I had my first child when I was 34 years old, and I had my second child when I turned 39. I am 41 years old now, and I would like to have another child before it is not possible. My husband does not think it is a good idea because we are getting older and our busy schedules would not allow it. Should I respect my husband's wishes, or should I nag him until I get my third child? -- Happy Wife, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR HAPPY WIFE: As far as age goes, you should have a checkup with your OB-GYN to see if you are healthy enough to have another child. Plenty of people have babies after 40. Yes, the risk for birth defects rises, but this should be evaluated specifically for you with your doctor.

As far as your finances and lifestyle go, sit down and map out a budget based on time and resources to see where you and your husband stand in your vision of the future. Talk about whether you believe you can comfortably "afford" to bring a third child into the world. Take the time to go through all of your hopes and dreams and fears -- from both of your perspectives. This is a decision you should make together, one that is not based on nagging or fear, but on conscious intention. Tell him that you would like to approach it in a respectful, mature way. Chances are, he will agree.

life

Sexy Performance Surprises Mom

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 7th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I took my two daughters to a concert to see their favorite television star perform. When it came time for the star's performance, it was not what I expected. The image she portrayed on television was a clean and positive image; however, that was not the case when my family and I saw her on stage. The concert was vulgar and inappropriate for children under 17 years old. My children were confused, and I was shocked and embarrassed because I had to explain the performance to my girls. I work hard, and I wanted to have a good time with them.

I wish there were a ratings system for concerts -- something similar to the way they rate movies. That way, you will know in advance what kind of concert you are planning to see. Do you think that is a good idea? -- Ratings System, Atlanta

DEAR RATINGS SYSTEM: That is a great idea. I don't know that it will happen, but it makes perfect sense for there to be information, at least, that can guide concert attendees on what they can expect at a show. This is especially true for artists who may have started out appealing to young people through wholesome content only to transform into something more sexualized.

For example, when Disney star Miley Cyrus began to make provocative musical content and wardrobe choices, my elementary school-aged daughter who watched her religiously on the Disney Channel did not know what to think. She and I were shocked at the flashes we saw of Miley across the media. As an adult, I understand that this was a media strategy to catapult her career. As a mom, I had to explain to my daughter that sometimes when children grow up they make these kinds of choices, and I trust that she will NOT decide to be inappropriately provocative. That is a heady conversation to have with a 9- or 10-year-old, yet it is part of life in today's culture. Do I wish I didn't have to have that talk at that time? Yes. I imagine I would have been doubly mortified to have to do such translation at an expensive concert where we might feel like we were being held hostage. Yes to a ratings system!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 07, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 7th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My upstairs neighbor is a lonely busybody. She does not work, and it seems like she listens to hear when I get home so that she can call and bother me. She does this to her next-door neighbor, too. She often lures us with food. She will pop down with a tasty stew or other dish and then stay for hours talking about nothing. Sometimes that's OK, but my schedule is not as free as hers. I often want to be in my house without anybody stopping by. What can I do? -- Need Space, Richmond, Va.

DEAR NEED SPACE: You have to tell her when she can't stay and visit. Tell her you have something to do. Don't open the door when you don't want to have company. Put on the brakes. She will get the message eventually.

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