DEAR HARRIETTE: A young family member was just diagnosed with diabetes. Apparently, he almost died because he didn't recognize any of the symptoms he was having. He ended up in the hospital, and I thank God he's better. He was telling us all about it at Christmas dinner, about how he has had to change his diet and everything. It sounded like he had honestly turned a page in his life and was choosing to be healthy. But then, right before he left, he decided to eat a big piece of cake. He is an adult, so he is old enough to make his own choices. But sure enough, he got sick to his stomach and became very worried about his health. I know it is hard to change old patterns, but it was hard to watch. As his cousin, what can I do to support him as he continues on this journey of healthier living? I don't want to see him kill himself. -- Cousin in Need, Chicago

DEAR COUSIN IN NEED: It is great that your cousin confided in you about his health condition. That means he is being as honest as possible about where he is and, as he shared with you, he is attempting to follow the doctor's directions. Being tempted by sweets, especially at holiday time, can be excruciatingly difficult for diabetics. While he ultimately has to make his own decisions, you can support him by checking in on him periodically. Call him and ask him how he is feeling. Look for recipes for diabetic-friendly desserts that you can share with him. Invite him to dinner some time and prepare a delicious meal based on a diabetic diet. Be in his life as an example of how to make healthy choices. Remind him that if he relapses into his bad eating habits, he can go back to better eating choices right away. For recipes and helpful information about this disease, go to www.diabetes.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every week, a group of us carpools to work. Most days I drive because I have the biggest car. I don't have a problem with driving, but I do think that everyone should pitch in for gas. There are five of us who ride together. We live nearby, but work is 40 minutes away. When we first started the carpool, everybody pitched in. Now it seems like they have all gotten comfortable and relaxed, and nobody helps to pay for gas. I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but I don't think that is fair. How can I bring it up without offending anyone? -- Gas Poor, Racine, Mich.

DEAR GAS POOR: You have absolutely no reason to feel reluctant about asking your fellow carpoolers to pay up. You made an agreement from the start, and they need to be reminded of it. Use the fact that it is the beginning of a new year to serve as a perfect time to refresh everyone's memory of your plan. Since you are not the only one driving, decide together how much the contribution should be per day, which you can calculate by the mileage. Have everyone contribute weekly or find another way to get to work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm worried about my daughter. She is a live-at-home college student who is doing well in school, but she has hardly made any friends. Because she doesn't live on campus, she doesn't hang out there much. As a commuter, she is finding it hard to fit in. Plus, she really is a homebody. She loves being with our family, so she chooses to come home right after school to hang out with us. That is sweet, but I want to urge her to stay at school more, do her homework in the library and just put herself in the mix there. Otherwise, I worry that she will not develop the social skills needed for building her life. For now, we cannot afford to have her stay on campus. What can I do to get her to engage with the other students more? -- Too Close for Comfort, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: Talk to your daughter about her interests. Suggest that she join a club at the school that appeals to her, such as drama, music, science, political science, debate, chess or something else. By doing something that she likes, she will feel more confident about stepping out of her comfort zone, and she will meet other students who share her interests. Since she likes to come home right away, suggest that at least one day a week she should stay on campus later to study or go to wherever students tend to hang out.

The one time that young people easily get to meet lots of other young people, either as friends or even potential life partners, is during college. Tell her that this is an important time to be social, so she must make it a priority.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage nephew is definitely interested in girls now. I listen to my sister talk about how he texts girls all the time, and he and his friends go to the mall so that they can walk around with the girls for hours. So far, it seems innocent, but I am concerned because he is an attractive boy, and girls seem to be throwing themselves at him. I know that this is a vulnerable time for him with his hormones raging and all. As his aunt, what can I do to help him make good choices? -- Worried from a Distance, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED FROM A DISTANCE: Start with your sister. Ask her if she would like you to be more actively involved in your nephew's life. If so, ask for specifics from her as to how you can be supportive. In general, it would be good for you to stay in touch with your nephew and build a close relationship with him so that he feels comfortable talking to you. If he allows, befriend him on his social media outlets so that you can pay attention to his communication. Do not respond in judgmental ways to what you read, though. Tell your sister instead, so that she can follow up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We had an embarrassing moment during the holidays. My mother-in-law made horrible comments to a family member, her other son's wife. She made jokes about her weight in front of her face. It was ridiculously rude and made everyone feel awkward. To be honest, my sister-in-law has gained a lot of weight over the years. She is huge, but who are we to judge her? My mother-in-law talked about how big her butt is and how she really should use two chairs. It was awful. When her son (the woman in question's husband) asked her to stop, she just got even louder. She can be kind of crass, but this was just awful. I felt so bad for my sister-in-law. How can we get my mother-in-law to chill out? -- Beyond Embarrassed, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR BEYOND EMBARRASSED: Sadly, many families have one person who can be crude and rude. People who don't naturally have a filter to keep them from saying certain things can prove to be hurtful on a regular basis. This is because they usually do not realize how their comments are affecting others.

What one of you may be able to do is to talk to her privately, recount what she has said that was hurtful, and ask her directly to curb such comments. Ask her if she intends to hurt this woman. Chances are the answer is no. If she acknowledges that this is not her intention, you may be able to impress upon her that making such comments about this woman's body is hurtful, regardless of what she meant by saying it. Perhaps her son can ask her to stop. In the moment next time, somebody can change the subject to deflect the negative commentary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new friend of mine is going on a cruise soon, and she asked her friends to make financial contributions to her trip so that she would have enough money. She asked us to do this instead of giving her a Christmas present. I didn't like that at all. I don't usually give a Christmas present to her -- or to other adults, for that matter. I give only to the children in my family. Whenever I have given her anything at Christmas, it would be a little token of our friendship, costing only a few dollars. I chose not to contribute to her trip. I did send her a holiday card, as I always do. But I feel weird about it. She even called and asked me if I was going to give her a contribution for her trip. I didn't respond. What should I say? -- Stop the Shakedown, Miami

DEAR STOP THE SHAKEDOWN: Tell your friend the truth, namely that during the holiday season you give gifts to the children in your life but not to adults. Wish her a wonderful trip as you make it clear that you have followed your holiday plan, which is to give cards to all and gifts to the young ones.