DEAR HARRIETTE: Two people at my job gave me gifts for Christmas, and I felt uncomfortable because I didn't get anything for them. We weren't supposed to exchange gifts outside of the Secret Santa thing we do, where each person picks another to give a small gift to. I did that, but these two who gave me nice gifts are people I like for sure. It was really awkward. I thanked them, but then thought I should run out to the store and get something for them. The thing is, I won't see them until after New Year's Day, so it may make it awkward all over again. What should I do? I want these women to know I appreciate them and their generosity. -- Giftless, Detroit

DEAR GIFTLESS: Take a deep breath and relax. You are not required to give a person a gift just because you received one from her or him. What you should do is to graciously offer your thanks for the gift and the thought behind it. To complete the cycle of giving is to let the person know how grateful you are. You do not need to go shopping for these people for after-the-New-Year gifts. Instead, if you do want to do something special for these women, consider inviting them individually or together for lunch or drinks -- your treat. No need to say that this is your gift to them. Just enjoy each other and stay in the moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was already gaining weight before the holidays, and I feel pretty confident that I added a few pounds over the past week or so. I am really mad at myself. I need to lose, not gain. Even though I know this, I don't seem to make smart choices that will help me get anywhere close to my goal. I want to lose about 40 pounds, but the cake and cookies just looked too good for me to resist. I hate to say it, but I have very little discipline on this front. Even though I know that I need to do something, it ends up being just a thought in my head. How can I really do something? -- Ready for a Change, Washington, D.C.

DEAR READY FOR A CHANGE: Consider it a good sign that you recognize the position you are in right now. It means a lot that you are clear that you need to lose weight and even that you know what some of your trigger foods are. You also need help. Start by getting a complete physical from your doctor to be clear about your health status. Ask your doctor for any medical guidance for weight loss.

Consider going to Weight Watchers. There's something powerful about having to go to a weekly meeting where you get on a scale and track your weight in the company of others with similar goals. Weight Watchers teaches people to eat responsibly and in the right portion size for your weight goal. Visit www.weightwatchers.com for ideas. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother recently passed away, and I am trying to find a way to honor her. I find it difficult to stir up good memories about my grandmother because our relationship was a bit distant. I have no ill feelings toward her, and I miss her. Can you help me remember the good times? -- Rest in Peace, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR REST IN PEACE: What you may want to do is connect with other surviving family members to listen to their memories. Ask them to share stories from their recollections about doing things with your grandmother -- the highs and the lows. Go through old photos of your grandmother and family gatherings. See experiences through those images. Meditate on your grandmother, and see if an image comes up where you and she experienced a tender moment. If so, hold onto that.

If not, choose to be grateful that she lived and, therefore, you live as part of her bloodline. If there are surviving family members whom you like, you may want to use this time moving forward to become closer to them so that the family ties become closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend at work who I am getting to know better these days. We went to an event the other night, and as we were talking, I learned that she makes considerably more money than I do, even though we have similar titles and roles. I have been at this company for more than 10 years, and she came on only about a year ago. I think it is totally unfair that she would be compensated so much more than I. What can I do to address this? We are a private company, so we don't have government rules to follow or even particular industry standards. -- Short-changed, Shreveport, La.

DEAR SHORT-CHANGED: Unfortunately it is common for the employee who grew up in a company to make less money than someone who is brought into the company after paying dues somewhere else. Is that fair? Not necessarily. But it is not unusual. In fact, some people choose to leave the job they grew up in to gain a competitive edge and a competitive salary in the open marketplace.

Before you decide to pack up and go or poke out your lip, evaluate your situation. Be certain that you have a stellar record. Review your company handbook to learn if there are any standards within your own company regarding promotions and salary ranges. Get a sense of what people in your role are paid at other places, if you can.

Then go to your boss and ask for a raise. Point out your qualifications. Note projects that you have worked on that were successful. Review your history with the company, noting highlights that speak to your value. If you receive pushback, let your boss know that you are aware that another employee with essentially your same job is being paid more. Request a bonus or a raise to make the salaries more equitable. Know that this is not guaranteed to give you what you want, but it will give you an indication of how you are valued there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a gift from a woman who attends my church. She told me it was a friendship gift, and I should not worry about giving her a gift in return. I did not plan to give her a gift in the first place. I am wondering if I should give her a gift because it is the right thing to do. I think she likes me as a potential boyfriend. She is nice and all, but not my type. What should I do? -- Puzzled, New York City

DEAR PUZZLED: The most important thing to do when you receive a gift is to say thank you and mean it. The cycle of giving is complete with acknowledgment. There is no requirement for giving a gift in exchange. Since you don't want to send mixed messages to this woman, simply thank her and let it end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love your column. You have good, commonsense answers for all situations. Thank you for knowing what to say and how to say it. I was happy with the answer you gave about the regifted coffee maker. But I have volunteered at a charity shop for 15 years, and we cannot accept broken items, clothing needing repairs or soiled items. We have no way to fix, wash or mend items. Our only inventory comes from donations, and we exist only because of generous donations. Because of our volunteers and donations, we are able to greatly assist victims of domestic violence. Thank you for mentioning charity shops. But bring us only clean and gently used donations in good working order, please! -- Charitable, Palo Hills, Ill.

DEAR CHARITABLE: Thank you for your letter. Many people wrote in to point out that charities do not appreciate receiving broken items. I am very pleased that you all are so responsive. I did not think my answer through far enough as it relates to what a charity can do with a broken item. Indeed, as you mention here, the same is true for anything that may need mending or may need to be cleaned. I bet that charities regularly receive items that they cannot use, especially at the end of the year and around tax time, when people are either being particularly generous or want to declutter their homes.

So thank you for the reminder to be mindful of what you offer to charities. As you point out, a lot of good work is done by these organizations that exist to support those in need. Your letter reminds me of my philosophy regarding volunteering. I believe that you should work as hard at a task when you are not being paid as if you were being paid a million dollars. The quality of your effort should always be excellent. In that same vein, the quality of the items that you gift to a charity, a friend, a co-worker -- anybody -- should be equal to the quality you would like to receive.