DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is 33 years old, and he is now living with my parents and me. I am 25 years old. This is his first time living in the United States -- we are from the Caribbean. He has been with us for about a month and a half. I've tried my hardest to get to know him and to help him get used to living in this new environment; however, he doesn't speak, respond or let me know if he is enjoying his time here. A few times I have been kind of insulted by him. I don't know how to get along with my brother. He rarely talks. I can't get a read on what he likes or doesn't like. It's awkward being around him, and I realize I have given up on getting to know him. He doesn't help out at home even though he isn't working. He just seems in another world. How can I move past not understanding him and start getting to know him? -- Frustrated, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Since this is your brother's first time in this country, he may be acclimating to a very different way of life. Though you didn't say it, there is a chance that he may not talk often because you and he have different accents. Sometimes people feel self-conscious at first about speaking differently. He is a grown man living with parents and a sibling. That is naturally awkward.

This is not to say that you should excuse bad or insulting behavior. If your brother says something to you that you find offensive, tell him. Your parents should define house rules and enforce them.

As far as getting to know him, give it time. He has been there for a very short period, although long enough for you to be annoyed. Give him space. Live your life and watch as your relationship unfolds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 26 and about four months pregnant by a guy who I was cordial with but who isn't my boyfriend. My friends and I believe this guy is bipolar. One day he would be happy about the baby; the next day he threatened to take me to court. Because of my finances, I had to move out of state to live with my mom, and I'm not sure if I should plan my future with this man in mind. I don't know if I should relocate to live with him and start a family or continue the journey as a single mom. Right now he says he doesn't like me or feel the need to support me even though I am unemployed. He doesn't feel the need to be involved until the baby is born. I feel uncomfortable trying to pursue this with him to start a family when he is so unstable, but I am afraid to do it alone. -- Afraid, Lexington, Ky.

DEAR AFRAID: I hate to say this, but your story is a clear reminder that it is not smart to become intimately involved with someone who is not your committed mate. Perhaps this man has mental illness. You could recommend that he see a doctor. Do not move in with him now if you see him as unstable. Instead, line up resources that can support you and your baby, and prepare for the baby's arrival. Pay attention to his actions so that you know what you are up against.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so tired of being broke that sometimes I pretend that I am not. I have been on-again, off-again with work for more than a year now. So when I do come into a few dollars, I really want to do something special for myself. I find myself spending money on items that I cannot afford. There are nights I know I should spend my money on groceries and instead, I use my potential grocery money for a week for one night's dinner. I really need to learn how to create a budget. What are the best ways to start budgeting? -- Need a New Plan, Chicago

DEAR NEED A NEW PLAN: Look at the big picture. Map out the next three to six months based on all of your expenses. Include rent, electricity, telephone, food and any other basic expenses you may have. Now list all of your income streams and match the two lists to each other. This will give you a sober picture of how well you can take care of yourself right now.

I agree that it is nice to treat yourself to something special every now and again, but dinner at a restaurant is too expensive when it equals a week's worth of food. Look in the newspaper and online for fun free ideas in your city. If you get creative as you treat yourself, you can find fulfilling outlets without depleting your resources.

Budgeting works best when you write everything down and keep track of what's coming in and what's going out on a daily basis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is miserable at her temp job, but she is afraid to quit and pursue her dream of becoming a singer and business owner because of the cost of living in New York City. How can I help encourage her to follow her dreams and still be realistic? -- Clipped Wings, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR CLIPPED WINGS: Many people who move to New York City to pursue their artistic interests must have some kind of employment to tide them over while they work to hit it big. This does not mean that anyone has to stay in a miserable job. Your friend should evaluate the pros and cons of her job versus her flexibility to develop her creative interests. She should also look around to determine what alternative employment opportunities exist that may be more pleasant for her.

I do not recommend simply quitting to try to make it big. What she should do is save her money as she makes a plan for her future. Is she recording now? Is she performing in places where she can earn any money? Has she secured an agent to help get her a record deal? Does she go to music industry events so that she can network with others in her field of interest? By focusing her energies on building her persona in her field of choice, she will be inching closer to making her dreams come true.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What is the best way to handle it if asked to remove your shoes when entering someone's residence and you are uncomfortable (or unprepared) to bare your feet? This happened to me the other day when I went to a party. Never mind the fact that I had worn some fabulous shoes and they were part of my outfit. I am short, so I always wear heels, and this made me feel even shorter once I took my shoes off. Plus, my feet weren't properly pedicured. I felt so uncomfortable, but I decided to stay anyway. I really didn't want to take my shoes off, though. -- Shoe Freak, Racine, Mich.

DEAR SHOE FREAK: It is understandable that when invited to a party you wouldn't be expected to remove your shoes in order to attend. It is also true that many people have a no-shoes policy in their homes. In those cases, it is kind of the host either to let guests know in advance that they will have to remove their shoes or provide slippers for them to wear. In this way, guests don't have to feel caught off-guard.

When no provisions are arranged and you find yourself in a situation as you did, be a good sport, tuck your shoes away and go for it. Chances are you are not the only one feeling a little awkward, at least at first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three children who are in their 20s. I feel guilty because I never made them become self-sufficient. I spoiled them because I gave them anything and everything their hearts desired as children. Now that they are adults, my children are malfunctioning in society. How do I reset the boundaries with my children after years of spoiling them? -- Bad Mom, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR BAD MOM: Call a family meeting and admit your mistake. Apologize to your children for not teaching them budgeting, boundaries, limitations, etc. Talk candidly with them about how you showered them with everything they wanted without teaching them that hard work is what allowed you to be able to do that.

From the position of tough love, point out to them where you think you led them astray. Be specific about behaviors that you have observed in them that are not serving them. Offer to enroll them in a money management class. You can also purchase books for them that they can read, such as "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke," by Suze Orman, or "Why Didn't They Teach Me This in School: 99 Personal Money Management Principles to Live by," by Carey Siegel.

Finally, don't beat up yourself too much. Many young people flounder in their 20s. This is the time when they begin to "find themselves." You can provide guidance, but know that they have to make their own mistakes and figure out how to fend for themselves. Yes, you can help, but this is their time to accept responsibility for their lives.