DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I ran into a woman I grew up with. We hugged and shared pleasantries, but after a few minutes, I felt like I was transported back to childhood. She was mean to me when we were young. She always had some snarky thing to say that hurt my feelings, and when I saw her, she caught me off guard and did it again. When I realized that it was happening, I excused myself. She really got under my skin. Should I say anything to her or just leave it alone? -- Undone, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UNDONE: Unless you intend to kindle a friendship with this woman from your childhood, do not double back to her. If she is behaving the same way she did when you were children, chances are she isn't going to wake up, take notice of her ways and decide to change because you mention it.

The lesson for you for the future is to stop a negative conversation when it is happening. Excusing yourself and walking away does not actually do much, as you experienced, because the woman likely had no clue as to why you walked away, and you remain stung by her comments. Instead, you can interrupt a negative conversation and say, "I don't appreciate where this conversation is heading," "Please do not speak to me in that way" or "It is hard for me to hear what you are saying when you speak to me in that manner." Or find the words that best identify what you find distasteful and ask the person to stop doing it. This may seem difficult to do, but it is far more fulfilling to address these things in the moment.

There is a lot of discussion about the effects of bullying on one's psyche. Mean, negative talk is a form of bullying. The next time anyone speaks to you in a rude or disrespectful manner, find a way to address it as it is happening. Raising awareness about inappropriate communication is worthwhile.

DEAR HARRIETTE: We've had quite the heat wave this summer, and wearing pants in the office can be suffocating for my legs. Is there any way to make shorts look professional in the workplace? -- Overheated, Philadelphia

DEAR OVERHEATED: In most offices, shorts would be considered too casual. That said, there are shorts suits that have been designed with fitted jackets that may work in a casual office. Also, Bermuda shorts, which reach the knee, may work with a dress shirt. Making shorts look professional requires looking at the whole outfit to see if the other elements are professional. Wearing dress shoes with them will help balance the look as well.

It really depends upon your place of business, though. Because many companies allow jeans and casual dress on a regular basis, there are some offices that will not frown on shorts. Ask your supervisor before you stroll in wearing them!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I helped a friend get a lot of attention for a project she just completed. Everything turned out really well for her, but in the end I felt used. She got everything that she wanted out of my helping her, but I felt unappreciated. At the very end, she said thank you, and I think she meant it, but it seemed like an afterthought. This friend is often self-absorbed, which I already knew, but I guess since I went all out for her, I thought that she would be more thoughtful. -- Dumb Me, Boston

DEAR DUMB ME: What did you want the outcome to be for you? A general desire for appreciation may not be so easily translatable. If you tend to be the generous one, your friend may know you as being the nice one and think nothing of it. That doesn't automatically mean that she is selfish as it relates to you. More, it may mean that you do not generally let others know what your needs are. To expect others to treat you as you want to be treated when you do not clue them in as to what makes you happy is a recipe for hurt feelings. You have to educate your friends about your needs and desires.

The lesson here is for you to learn to take care of yourself by speaking up. Your selfish friend will probably be shocked to know that she hurt your feelings. No need to tell her. Next time just be clear about what outcome you want for yourself as you are supporting others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned that one of my friends has guns at his house. Apparently he has gun permits and he has them locked up and stored, but it kind of freaked me out that he has them. We both have young children, and now I don't know if I should allow my child to go over his house. We haven't had talks about guns and how to be around them because my son is just 8 years old. I am not sure how to handle this. My friend seems cautious, but I have heard too many stories about children accidentally shooting guns and hurting or killing themselves or others. What should I do? -- Gun Shy, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GUN SHY: Talk directly to your friend. Tell him your concerns. Ask him about his guns -- where and how he stores them, how he keeps his children safe while having guns in the house, etc. Ask him as many questions as you need in order to gauge your comfort.

Know that if someone properly stores guns, the family, including young children, can be completely safe. That said, if you remain worried about your son's safety, you can choose not to send him over to your friend's house, at least not without you. You have the right to make that decision.

By the way, whatever decision you make is perfect for your family. Yes, there is a huge discussion underway about guns and gun safety in our country. In the end, you have to make choices that you feel comfortable with for your family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been very mouthy of late, and it is driving me crazy. When I ask him something, he starts arguing with me immediately or being belligerent. He is 11 and usually a good kid. He is smart and a quick thinker, which makes me think that part of this behavior is him exerting his independent thinking on the situation. That's all well and good, but the attitude has to stop. What can I say to him to get him to tone it down? -- Frustrated Mom, Chicago

DEAR FRUSTRATED MOM: I talk to my daughter about tone all the time. How you say something is often more important than the words you actually use. When you are not in the midst of an emotional meltdown, talk with your son -- calmly. Explain to him that you value his thoughts and ideas, but that he needs to work on how he expresses them. Ask him if he likes it when you two argue. Chances are he does not. Tell him you do not like it either. Come up with a sign, maybe a hand gesture, that you can both use when you feel that you are going into argument mode. You can use the sign to indicate that you want to call a truce.

This actually works very well on both sides. Essentially, it allows whichever one of you notices the argument swelling first to call it off rather than fall more deeply into the mire of it. For you, remind your son of tone as often as necessary. Let him know that you appreciate his thinking and want to know what is on his mind as you also expect him to follow directions and be respectfully responsive. It is a dance that will last for a long time, so let go of your frustration and invite your son to dance with you! It may feel clumsy at first, but as you practice the art of communicating without arguing, you both will benefit and eventually become graceful at it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a client who is a good salesman. He comes up with these wacky ideas and convinces people to sign on and work with him. The only problem is, he often doesn't have the resources to pull it off. On one hand, the ideas are so exciting that you want to be a part of them. But this is my third time signing on board, and I am mad at myself. He owes me money from the last event, and it looks like he is going to owe me again this time. What can I do to take care of myself and help a man with big ideas? -- Deflated, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR DEFLATED: As you already know, you cannot blame your client at this point, given that you know his track record. Since you do believe in his ideas, maybe you can help him to be better organized on the front end, either personally or by referring him to an expert who can help him. You can also require your money up front in order to work with him. If he cannot pay you, do not continue to work with him.