DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a problem that I cannot quite get rid of. I have a best friend who gets on my nerves constantly. While I am sure the normal solution is to not be friends with her anymore, it is hard not to be. If I need help or if my back is against the wall, she is there for me -- and vice versa. Yet I often find myself not wanting to hang out or be bothered by her. What should I do to address this, and is it worth being friends at all? -- Frustrated Friend, Philadelphia

DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: You need to find a way to accept your friend for who she is -- both the things you like about her and the things that you do not. As you well know, it is common for people to have certain behaviors that can get on your nerves, even as you also really appreciate them. This sounds like the case with your "best friend."

Do yourself and your friend a favor and step back to think about what actually gets on your nerves. Is it something serious or just a personality quirk? Could it be that you spend too much time with her and sometimes she irks you? What is it exactly?

If you find that you really do not like her, be willing to sever your friendship. It would be unkind of you to keep her around just to help you out of a pickle if otherwise she is an irritant. But if it is more likely that you could benefit from spending less time together while remaining friends, attempt that route.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In regards to "Standing My Ground," about a student's macroeconomics teacher: I agree with your response that the student should speak up about his grievances, with one caveat -- the student should do what you suggested after he has received his grade.

In my experience both as a student and as a professor, some professors will treat a student differently for the rest of the course, and it would be difficult to prove that the lower grade received -- and it generally will be a lower grade -- was because of the response from the student.

Unfortunately, more and more professors teach only their own perspective rather than a balanced approach. And also unfortunately, department heads and deans agree with that approach. -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: I hate that you could be right, that it can be risky to speak up when a student feels wronged by a teacher. I get it, though. I would never want a student to jeopardize his or her grade. At the same time, I am a big advocate for speaking up.

I want to believe that there is a strategic way in which a student can engage a teacher, discuss a grade in question and request that the teacher reconsider a particular grade without repercussion. If the teacher is approached in a neutral, non-aggressive way, perhaps the risk of retaliation would diminish.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is going on a vacation later this summer. At first they invited me, but after I learned how much it cost, I told them that I could not go. I let them know immediately so that they wouldn't count me in the group for flights or hotels or anything. I told them in plenty of time, but it has caused some tension. While I did not ask for them to pay for me to travel with them, some of my family members took it upon themselves to try to pool their money so that I could go. When I learned that, I thanked them but told them that I would not go -- they did not need to do that. Now they are upset with me. I know it would be a hardship for them to pay for me. Nobody has extra. I didn't want to burden them. How can I help them understand that I just can't go and it's not personal? I want them to have fun and not feel bad. What can I say? -- Not a Burden, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NOT A BURDEN: This is a tough situation in that your family is torn. Everybody wants to be together for this vacation, yet, for practical reasons, you are unable to join them. Thank them again for the effort they made to include you, and remind them that it just will not work this time. Tell them that the best thing they can do for you and the family is to have a fantastic time and come back to share stories and photos. If you can feel comfortable talking to them about their plans and helping them get ready, do so. That will help them -- and hopefully you -- to feel less sad about you not being able to come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently traveled across the country by plane, and I had a really hard time settling in because there was a small dog on the plane sitting next to me. I am allergic. The flight was full, so there was no place for me to go. I spoke to the flight attendant to ask to be moved, but she could not accommodate me. I managed, but I was physically uncomfortable. How can a passenger avoid this in the future? It doesn't seem fair to me that a dog carries more weight than a passenger. -- Allergic, Baltimore

DEAR ALLERGIC: Had you put up a bigger fuss about the dog -- basically stood your ground more firmly -- you probably would have gotten the flight attendant to get someone to trade seats either with you or the person with the dog. Passengers should come first.

In the future, because pets do commonly travel with their owners, you can let the airline know that you are allergic when you purchase your ticket. Ask them to assure you that you will not be seated near any animals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is away at sleep-away camp for the first time this summer. We agreed to send him for four weeks. After a few days, we got messages from him that he wanted to come home. The camp counselors, however, encouraged us to give it time -- many children get homesick and get over it. They were right. The last time we talked to him, he was having a blast.

When he was homesick, I told my mother and my best friend, and now they are upset with me because I did not go to get him. They think I was cruel to leave him there against his will. Nothing that I told them about the counselor's advice or the fact that he is fine now has made a difference. What can I do to quiet things down? -- Shunned, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SHUNNED: Stay focused on your son and his experience. By all means, check in with camp regularly to make sure that he is doing well. If you learn otherwise, make a decision about your next steps.

As far as your mother and friend, step back a minute. They are reacting to your initial concern about your child's comfort and safety. This is a good reminder for the future. Do not tell them things before you have attempted to handle them directly, because loved ones hold onto dramatic moments far longer than those directly affected.

When your son comes home, debrief him about his experience. Then have him share highlights with them. His authentic stories will help to clarify what his experience has actually been.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for many years. For a long time, we did not get along well. We argued daily about stupid stuff. The arguments have subsided a lot, but there is a not-so-good side effect: We have not been intimate in years. I have lost interest in intimacy because we had so many years of animosity. He wants to close the gap. I don't. I know it's not fair, but I don't know how to turn the interest back on. Any advice? -- Dry, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DRY: Have you tried therapy? It might be helpful for the two of you to go to a traditional relationship therapist. This person may be able to help you identify what is blocking you from reconnecting romantically with your husband. There may be some underlying issues you have yet to tackle that can be identified and dissolved so that they no longer stand in the way of intimacy for you two.

You might consider visiting a sex therapist. More and more couples have used this option, as these therapists are trained to help guide couples to get back in touch with their desire for each other.

You might also consider taking a romantic vacation. Do something fun that used to be exciting for both of you. Before going on that vacation or to any therapy, do your best to talk to each other about your relationship and what you would like it to look like in the future. What do you want? Break the ice by striking an honest and thoughtful discussion.