DEAR HARRIETTE: I am applying to a program and need a recommendation from a professor. I emailed one of my favorite professors, asking for a recommendation and letting her know the deadline was in two weeks. She graciously agreed and said that since she was busy, I should write the recommendation and give it to her to revise and send.

I have a few questions concerning this. First, is two weeks' notice not enough? How far in advance should recommendations be requested? Second, is it normal for a professor to ask the student to write the recommendation? I am sort of uncomfortable with writing a recommendation for myself and then having her revise it. I don't want to toot my own horn, nor do I want her to think I'm raving about myself. What should I do in this predicament? -- Uncomfortable, New York

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I understand that you would prefer your professor to write the recommendation on your behalf. However, it is not unusual that she asked for help in this effort. In addition to being busy, the professor may not remember key highlights of your time together that you might think were valuable. Sometimes professors (or former employers) will ask to be reminded of important moments or projects that should be included in a recommendation. In this case, she has requested a complete document that can be edited. I say, go for it.

Writing about your experience in that class will help you recall and focus on specific instances of strength and leadership. Being able to speak about your educational career is essential to your growth, especially when you are applying to a program that can further your development.

When asking for references, it's always good to give as much notice as possible. Two weeks is acceptable. I recommend following up with the person to remind him or her as the deadline gets closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My close friend, who has had the same boyfriend for three years, just told me that she made out with a guy she worked with over the summer. Apparently, the guy she made out with also has a girlfriend and is moving in with her.

My friend told me that whatever they had during the summer stopped because of the distance and because they both had other relationships, but they still text all the time. She says that since she didn't have sex with the guy, it isn't a big deal and her boyfriend doesn't need to know.

I'm concerned about the consequences that will result from her actions. She still has feelings for the guy, but she says she loves her boyfriend and could not break up with him. What do I say to lead her in the right direction? -- Worried Friend, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED FRIEND: If she asks for advice, tell your friend that she needs to reconcile her heart. If she wants to be with her boyfriend, she needs to close the door on the other guy and get focused. If she wants to stay connected to the other guy, she needs to sort out her feelings and come clean with her boyfriend. Then stay out of it. This is not your business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband just started a new job a few months ago. He has gotten three paychecks so far. The last one bounced, and when he went to his boss to say something about it, his boss got an attitude. He then recovered and said that the company was having lean times and couldn't meet payroll.

This is crazy. We count on my husband's job, and every penny is important to us. Plus, he earned it. His boss promises to pay him, but he's not sure when. Should my husband sue the company, or quit and find another job? --Bounced, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BOUNCED: Slow down. Of course this is disconcerting. No one wants to receive a check that bounces.

Your husband should do some research on the company to learn as much as possible about the state of the business and its financials. He should speak to his boss to get a schedule for when he will be reimbursed and ask if the next paycheck is expected on time.

If things seem too precarious, your husband should look for another job, but he shouldn't quit until he finds one. Instead, he should do his best on his current job and see if his performance can possibly contribute to strengthening the bottom line. He should show his boss that he believes in the company and doesn't want to give up. But he should also be practical. If no money is coming around, he should cut his losses soon.

Suing, while an option, may end up costing you and your husband money that you do not have, especially if the company is broke.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a new colleague at a lounge the other day. We exchanged email addresses, which was nice. The next day, I got an email from a woman who was sitting near us and overheard us talking, but who wasn't at all part of our conversation. She asked if I would like to hang out with her sometime. She reminded me of how we met -- because we were sitting near each other (however, not talking).

I felt like that was creepy. She basically stole my email address by eavesdropping. I don't want to talk to her. How should I handle this? -- Creeped Out, San Francisco

DEAR CREEPED OUT: You can ignore the woman's email altogether. Since you didn't give your address to her, you can delete it and let that be it. If you see her again and she brings it up, just shrug it off. You can say you didn't give her your email address.

Another option is to respond and thank her for the invitation but decline it. If she writes back, you can tell her that you did not give her your email address, and you hope she will not use it again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call from one of my former employees who intends to apply to business school. I am so happy for her. I remember her as being a very nice, consistent person. She did a good job when she worked for me, but it was so many years ago that I don't remember details.

I immediately agreed to help her, but now I'm at a loss. Is it wrong to ask her to remind me what she did when she worked with me? I am embarrassed that I don't remember. -- Forgetful, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FORGETFUL: By all means, contact your former employee and ask for highlights of her experience with you. You need not be embarrassed. She is reaching out in hopes that you can help her cross a significant hurdle in her career. If she's smart, she will be thrilled that you asked, because it gives her a chance to tell you the things that stood out for her and that she thinks are relevant for this school.

In the future, you may want to keep notes on your employees and write synopses for yourself after they leave so you don't have to rely upon memory.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know fairly well, whom I call a friend, told me that she just had major surgery. She didn't reveal what it was, but during the course of the conversation, I figured it out. I didn't ask her any questions or let on that I knew, because it's none of my business. What's weird is that she seems to want to keep the details secret, but she keeps talking about her recovery.

I'm not sure how to support her. I don't want to get too deep in her business, but when she keeps saying stuff to me, how do I respond and keep her confidentiality? --Sensitive Subject, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR SENSITIVE SUBJECT: You may want to ask your friend how you can best support her. You can be a friend by bringing her food, flowers or a good book, and by occasionally calling to make casual conversation that doesn't prompt her to provide too much information.

She may be someone who appreciates a good listener. In that case, you can agree to be a silent sounding board. If she starts to ask for your input, you can ask if she really wants to talk about her condition or if she's just venting. You can also change the subject if you feel that either of you has crossed a line.

Recovering from an illness or major surgery can be traumatic, and not just for the person who underwent it. Loved ones can suffer as well. You can take care of yourself by recognizing how much information you can hold onto before it feels like a burden.