DEAR HARRIETTE: In one of your recent columns, someone complained about people using the word "gay" as a slur, for example, "Oh, that's so gay." They were offended by this use of the word. But what about when those same people say "Oh my God" when they are mad or as an expression for whatever reason? I am offended by this!

The Bible tells us that this is taking the Lord's name in vain. His name should never be used in any way that is not holy! All people who call themselves Christians should be offended by this. Will you address this, too, or is it wrong only when the gays are offended? -- Child of God, Chicago

DEAR CHILD OF GOD: I'm glad you brought up this point. I strongly believe that we should be mindful of everything we say. Words have power. I believe it is wise to use uplifting, empowering words whenever possible.

As far as religious words, you are right that in Christian tradition, one is not supposed to use the Lord's name in vain. That would include the extremely common saying "Oh my God," which is now commonly shortened to "OMG." Should people say this? Not in the way it is most frequently used. My understanding is that it should be reserved for moments of tremendous wonder at the awesome nature of God.

That said, I suspect you will have a terrifically steep uphill battle to wage to awaken people to the offense they are committing when saying those words. The way I have addressed it most effectively is at home. My 8-year-old daughter knows that we don't say that, even if her friends do. If we teach our youth, we have a chance of cleaning up language for the next generation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my ex, who has always been my true love, is getting married. He emailed me to let me know. I know he meant well. He wanted me to know his good news. It has been a few years since we were together, and we have remained friends. But I'm not quite sure how to take this.

He said he wants me to come to the wedding and even help him out in advance. I feel like Julia Roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding." I don't want to do it.

How can I let him know my feelings without making him uncomfortable? I wish him well, but I don't want to witness him marrying somebody else. -- Not Yet Over Him, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NOT YET OVER HIM: Given your lingering feelings for your ex, it is wise to keep your distance from his wedding. It would not be helpful for either of you for you to participate in the festivities, as it is unlikely you could completely hide your feelings.

I suggest that you schedule a meeting with your ex, either by phone or in person. Congratulate him on his engagement. Then tell him that while you are happy that he is happy, you cannot in good faith be a part of the festivities. He probably already knows that you still love him, but you can say that your feelings remain unresolved and thus you think it's best to stay away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since my mother passed away last summer, there has been a strain in my relationship with the rest of my family. My family had a cookout yesterday, and they did not call to invite my sister and me. I found out about the cookout via Facebook when a cousin posted a picture from the event. I thought about leaving a nasty comment on my cousin's page, but I didn't. It would have been nice to have been invited to the cookout.

I would like to know why they didn't invite us. It is true that they don't always invite us to everything, but I looked at the pictures, and we were conspicuously absent. I'm afraid for what is going to happen next month when my grandmother has her birthday. She lives with them. What if we aren't invited to her celebration? -- Need Some Clarity, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR NEED SOME CLARITY: I wonder if you had a strained relationship with other family members before your mother passed. I ask that because it does seem odd that suddenly they would exclude you from activities.

Think back on your history with them. You already mentioned that they haven't always invited you to every event. That could be natural and not exclusionary. Even with good friends, not everyone is invited every time. Were there any unresolved issues with various family members? If so, you may want to mend those fences now.

As for your grandmother and her celebration, be proactive. Contact the person who is taking care of your grandmother and ask if plans are under way for a birthday party. Volunteer to participate in the planning, and immediately get involved. Make it clear that you want to be an active part of your extended family.

I don't think it's necessary to ask why you weren't invited to the cookout. Use this moment as a chance to strengthen your bond with the rest of your family members. Stay in closer touch, and make it known that you want to be part of their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sold a friend two holiday gifts that I had made, and he asked to pay me back the next day because he didn't have cash with him at the time. It's summer now, and I still haven't gotten my money.

I have called and emailed, but mostly he ducks me. Once I was able to get him on the phone and he apologized, promising that the money would be forthcoming. But it hasn't been.

What can I do? I made those gifts by hand so that I could earn some extra money. I am so angry. -- Duped, Salt Lake City

DEAR DUPED: The most important thing for you to know for the future is not to give people credit when they are making purchases from you -- regardless of your relationship. As far as this man goes, send him a formal invoice with a 10 percent late fee. You may not get paid, but you will have followed up professionally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been nearly a year since my mother passed away, and we still receive phone calls from people asking to speak to her. I feel like I relive her passing every time I have to talk about her death. I would like to know how I can manage the hurt of explaining her passing when people ask. My mother was loved by many, and I miss her. -- Missing My Mom, St. Louis

DEAR MISSING MY MOM: For many people, it takes a long time -- even many years -- to find comfort after the death of a parent, especially a mother. A mother's love is unlike any other, and for those lucky enough to have had a positive, nurturing relationship with their mother, it can be absolutely devastating to let go after she dies.

For what it's worth, it is only natural that you would feel sad whenever you have to tell someone for the first time about your mother's death. It's much like opening an old wound again and again.

What you can do to help ease your pain is to realize that the love these callers offer when they express their surprise and sadness about your mother's death is living proof of the value of her life. That knowledge is a blessing.

The best thing you can do is to get professional support. A grief specialist can help you talk and work through your feelings, your memories and your reality today. You also may want to read a helpful book called "Grieving the Death of a Mother," by Harold Ivan Smith. Good luck to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an etiquette question. Recently I've received a lot of invitations from people via some type of Internet outlet. Sometimes it's from an email. Sometimes it comes from Evite.com, PaperlessPost.com or some other such outlet. My question is, can I write a note to the host of the party via the Internet since the host is using the computer to invite me to his or her party? Normally I would send a handwritten note, but I'm thinking it's OK to hit "send" to people who are using the Internet to publicize their events. Is that right? -- Technologically Confused, Laredo, Texas

DEAR TECHNOLOGICALLY CONFUSED: You are onto something. Times are changing, and with our various means of communication come new ways of responding. So, yes, it is natural for you to respond with a lovely note via email to an email invitation.

I will caution you to be aware of where your message will go, though. For instance, if you respond via the website the sender used, your message could be received by all invitees instead of privately. You should decide what you prefer.

Also, for the host of a birthday/graduation/anniversary party -- basically, an event where people bring gifts -- it's worth noting that some people send blanket thank-you notes via email to all invited guests. That's OK, but it's still best to say thank you individually.