DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your answer to "Puzzled Waiter" in the Chicago Tribune, and I feel I need to respond. When you wrote that "many health professionals suggest that moderate alcohol consumption later in a pregnancy could be safe," I could not believe what I was reading. This type of thinking needs to change. There is no amount of drinking by a pregnant woman that would be considered safe for her developing baby.

Alcohol consumption by a pregnant woman during any part of her pregnancy puts the child at a very real risk for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). Because, as you say, "every woman's body reacts differently to alcohol," it is NEVER OK for the pregnant woman to drink during her pregnancy. Any amount of alcohol that the woman consumes will get into the brain of the developing fetus and will cause lifelong deficits. The extent of those deficits is what makes FASD a very pervasive and life-altering disorder. FASD is also the most preventable disorder -- by simply not drinking during the pregnancy.

Some children born with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder are diagnosed with autism, Asperger's syndrome or attention deficit disorder, or have mental retardation so severe they will never be able to live normal lives. They may not be able to live independently as adults. FASD encompasses all of these disorders and can be mistaken for any one of them. FASD is more far-reaching, invasive and debilitating than any of these other disorders.

Some of the "milder" deficits of FASD are almost always some type of math or reading disability. Some other effects are short-term memory problems, inadequate social skills, below-average intelligence or other cognitive learning disabilities, and very rigid or "black and white" thinking.

A fetal-alcohol-affected brain will be smaller than a normal brain. As an example, look at two different pieces of Swiss cheese, and imagine the holes in each of those pieces of cheese to be the areas of a person's brain that were affected by the mother's drinking during pregnancy. Each of those holes is a deficit in thinking, reasoning and functioning, and the extent of the deficit is determined by when and how much drinking happened during the pregnancy.

You are correct when you said (and I am paraphrasing), "It is not wise for this woman to drink while pregnant." We, as responsible human beings, have a fundamental duty to act in good conscience by suggesting to someone who is willing to drink while pregnant that she not take that drink for the health of the developing baby. I believe "Puzzled Waiter" had a duty to tell this patron not to drink since she was obviously pregnant.

Doctors, other health professionals and anyone who works with or serves the needs of pregnant women need to educate and inform women about the very real effects of drinking during pregnancy. With knowledge comes empowerment and action. -- Adoptive Mother of a Fetal-Alcohol-Affected Child, Lombard, Ill.

DEAR ADOPTIVE MOTHER: Thank you for your detailed response. I trust that your passion and knowledge may save a life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a pretty affluent area. It seems like all my friends have endless disposable income, whereas I do not. We always go out to expensive restaurants, shop at expensive stores and do other things that cost a lot of money.

I don't really have the funds to keep up this lifestyle, but I still want to keep my friends. I feel awkward flat-out telling them I don't have enough money to do what they want to do, but I have to say something. What should I say? -- On a Budget, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR ON A BUDGET: It's likely your friends haven't given a second thought to how much your activities cost. Rather than telling them that you can't keep up, you may want to get creative and start recommending other activities to explore.

Instead of going shopping all the time, for example, take a drive to a fun park where people your age go. Invite them to a movie night at your home where you watch an old movie that everyone would enjoy and you serve light refreshments. When you do go shopping with them, look but don't buy. "Shop looking" is a fun pursuit if you approach it in that way.

When it comes to the pricey restaurants, I think you are going to have to tell them that the plan for the day is out of your price range. You can say it with humor, but you will need to get the point across sometime. Suggest a fun, more affordable option so that you fill the potentially awkward pause with an alternative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am starting a new job soon, and I am not really sure what the dress code is. I feel a little uncomfortable asking my soon-to-be boss yet another question about the job. Should I just dress formally and possibly be overdressed on my first day? Should I dress down? Or, should I just ask? -- Dress for Success, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR DRESS FOR SUCCESS: I definitely think it's fine to ask. Your future boss will likely be impressed and thank you for inquiring in advance about proper attire. It shows that you are thinking about how to best present yourself.

If you cannot reach your boss, you can ask your boss's assistant or reach out to someone in human resources. A dress code may be listed in an employee handbook. If not, I always recommend erring on the more formal side for starters.

Do you remember how your boss and others were dressed when you had your interview? That can help you determine what "formal" means at your new company. In some workplaces, people wear suits and dresses with hosiery. In many other workplaces, the dress code is more relaxed.

Regardless, I would not recommend jeans for the first day -- or even the first week. Jeans are very casual. Good luck with your new job!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an officer for a community service club at my school, and my co-officers and I communicate primarily through Facebook. It makes things simple and quick, and it is a great way for us to communicate when we are not together in person.

But one of the officers does not have a Facebook page. This makes it difficult to get in touch with her quickly, and she usually has to be filled in on whatever we spoke about online the next time we meet in person. Doing this is frustrating and time-consuming.

We obviously can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but she is hurting the club by not having a Facebook page. How do we let her know this, and what should we do to solve the problem? -- Technological Challenge, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR TECHNOLOGICAL CHALLENGE: Believe it or not, there are people who are averse to Facebook and other social media outlets. As you said, you cannot force this person to join. You can suggest a compromise that will likely serve your needs. If everyone is willing to get a Gmail address, you can use Google Docs to communicate in real time on one document and share your thoughts.

You might also consider Skype as a way to communicate. You can see and hear each other in real time to talk about your club's needs. A number of smartphones, in addition to your computer, allow for use of Skype. Don't give up. Get creative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was younger, I'll admit it: I was pretty mean to my younger sister. Now that I am a little older, I like to think that I am much nicer to her.

Still, I feel like my sister sees me the way I used to be. For example, I have tried to give her constructive criticism and advice, but it usually ends in her yelling at me and refusing to listen. I guess I can't really blame her, but as an older sister I feel like I have some things to say that could actually help her.

How do I get my sister to believe that I am really just trying to help her and not being overly critical or cruel? -- Reformed Sibling, Ann Arbor, Mich.

DEAR REFORMED SIBLING: Have you ever sincerely apologized to your sister for the way you used to treat her? I think that's the place to start. She needs to know that you love her and respect her and want the best for her. She needs to be clear that you are aware of your bad behavior when you were younger, and that you realize it was unkind and cruel. Tell her how sorry you are for treating her badly back then.

Tell her that your intention now is to share your wisdom and support, not to criticize her unnecessarily. Ask if she will try to listen as you attempt to communicate in a more loving manner.