DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a late-middle-aged gentleman who has been an atheist for about 35 years. I have been open about this fact, but do not advertise it carelessly.

Most of my family and dear friends are devoutly religious people who are aware that I am an atheist, and they frequently offer to pray for me or ask that I pray for them.

When people offer prayers on my behalf, I answer with something like “Thank you. That’s so very kind of you to keep me in your prayers.” But what do I do when people ask me to pray for them?

I currently say that I will, but that feels dishonest and inauthentic because I do not pray. However, I don’t want to come across as uncaring to my family and friends in their hours of need. What response would you recommend?

GENTLE READER: “I am not religious, but I certainly wish you well and will keep you in my thoughts.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is extremely frugal with money (maybe too much so) and we don’t spend much outside of bills or basic necessities. My parents, on the other hand, go out to eat pretty much daily, sometimes twice daily; they rarely cook. I thought this would change when they both retired, but it has not.

My husband is very uncomfortable with this. When we are visiting my parents, he tells me I need to speak up and tell them that we cannot afford to go out so much, not to mention that constant restaurant food doesn’t make us feel good.

We have told them all this before, and they don’t want to change their habits or give up their fun. What usually happens is they end up picking up the tab, which still makes my husband and myself uncomfortable. We don’t want to take advantage, but they don’t listen to us. They have told me that it just isn’t as fun when you can’t go out to dinner.

During these visits, we are usually in the car with them on long day trips, so we’re not always able to just go home and cook. On a side note, my father is having quadruple bypass surgery next week, and we know the eating habits over the years have affected this.

GENTLE READER: Your parents and your husband would each like to follow their respective normal patterns. Miss Manners understands you to prefer your husband’s approach, and you have provided her with a menu of reasons: lower expenses, better health, greater comfort and -- for the guests, at least -- lesser embarrassment (at not contributing to the cost).

Some of these dishes are not very filling. The parents/hosts bearing a disproportionate share of the expense is not surprising, and should not be a cause of embarrassment as long as proper gratitude is expressed. Healthfulness can be argued, Miss Manners suspects, though it is out of her area of expertise.

But why not simply offer to cook a specific menu for a specific meal at your parents’ home? A compromise is harder to refuse -- and less insulting than general criticisms of others’ choices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m fortunate to have had a dear friend ever since kindergarten. We were close all through school, and when I moved a few hours away for college and work, I would see her when I came into town to visit family. We stayed in touch and saw each other at least a few times a year. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and we have shared some great times together over 30-plus years.

When I moved back to town, we started to get together more often, and during that time, I became closer with her friend group in the city.

Miss Manners, these gatherings were tough for me as an introvert. The group got larger and larger, to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable being involved. My friend would be preoccupied with the others, and I didn’t always feel accepted or welcome.

Most of these friends have things in common, and their incomes are also much higher than mine. The group dinners cost me a decent portion of my monthly budget, whereas these friends seem to dine out in nice restaurants multiple times a week (which I know about because of social media).

The last event I attended was to be part of the “cheer squad” for my friend’s first marathon, which was in a city across the country. The trip was exhausting, expensive and slightly alienating for me.

I just couldn’t keep up after that. I didn’t have the energy or desire to attend anything, or to reciprocate on invitations. My partner is also very introverted and we prefer not to host.

It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen my friend. It feels like I really dropped the ball, but I’m not sure how to rebuild our connection in a way that feels sustainable for me. I feel like I owe her an apology or an explanation, but I’m a bit embarrassed by my taking so long to reach out and make plans together.

How can I navigate this friendship in a way that honors our shared history and connection?

GENTLE READER: Wolves and college students socialize in packs, but human adults are allowed to have non-overlapping circles of friends.

Miss Manners suggests that you call her and propose an event that does not involve other people, transcontinental travel, or apologies. If you find that you still enjoy one another’s company, you can then worry about the next event.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve had celiac disease for more than a decade, and it still hurts my feelings when people bring gluten-y cookies or cakes to group gatherings, and nothing for me.

When I bring gluten-free items, everyone can partake. If someone is vegan, I’ll make sure to make treats without butter. We’re talking small groups of four or five people, including me. Would it be wrong to chide people for not bringing anything for me?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our 80s now, but we have been married only 20 years. This is a second marriage for each of us.

People are frequently asking us how long we have been married. I feel sure that they want to hear a good story about the cute couple being together for 60 years. After hearing our answer of 20 years, more intrusive questions are asked: “How did you meet? How long did you date? Did you each own a home?”

While I feel certain the inquiries are meant to be charming, I feel uncomfortable. I often give the vague answer of “Seems like forever.”

How do I keep these well-meaning people from asking intrusive questions without being rude myself?

GENTLE READER: Among the trials of old age, being considered adorable is surely a minor one. And while Miss Manners understands that you feel patronized, she is going to ask you to put up with it -- not, however, to the extent of reciting your marital history to anyone who asks.

As you are aware (and have experienced), the lifetime marriage is, for whatever reasons, not as common as it used to be. People are nostalgic about it, and therefore touched when they think they see evidence of its survival.

In addition, they believe that people are flattered to be asked to talk about themselves -- which many people are, although not everyone. Furthermore, they think they have chosen a pleasant topic. “How long have you been married?” is not in the same intrusive category as, for example, “Why aren’t you married?”

You have only to turn around that assumption. “Twenty years,” you can say, “and how about you?” Or, for singles, “Do you encounter many long marriages these days?”

You will have easily disabused them of the notion that yours is a lifetime romance, and, with any luck, gotten them started on talking about themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t know how to respond when meeting a friend and they exclaim, upon seeing me, “You’re all gussied up!” I don’t take it as a compliment. Somehow it sounds like a put-down.

I tend to get defensive and argue that just because I’m not wearing jeans and a T-shirt, it doesn’t mean I’m gussied up.

Wouldn’t it be nicer to say, “You look nice today”?

GENTLE READER: Sure. But not as satisfying to anyone whose idea of “dressing up” is putting on clean athleisure and doesn’t want to be shown up.

You are right that this is not an innocent compliment. The subtext is that you are trying too hard, and that your efforts just look silly.

But that is only a subtext. You do not really have to deal with that.

A disarming alternative is to take it on face value, as a compliment. Responding, “Thank you, I’m glad you like it” at least shows your friend that the implied insult misfired. And Miss Manners gives you permission to add, “It’s what I’m wearing to the Oscars.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)