DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female student, and I have a situation where a male classmate inappropriately chimes in on personal conversations. For example, I was asking my friends about a type of bra, and later that day, this classmate followed me to my car and gave me a tutorial about bras.

The crazy thing is he didn’t seem to notice that I was very uncomfortable. So I didn’t say or do anything about that situation, and now today, he chimed in again. I was talking with my teacher about severe cramps and vaginal pain, and he jumped in the conversation to explain why it’s happening.

I need to know how to tell this person he’s being inappropriate and needs to stop. He does these things to other people, as well, and none of us know how to handle it.

GENTLE READER: The fact that he is following you to your car is more concerning to Miss Manners than his choice of subject. She recommends you focus on that needing to stop and avoid the trap of telling him that women do not wish to hear a man’s opinion on women things. Of course it is irksome, but would it not be worse to have him explain to you how you would feel if the situation were reversed?

Better to have your personal conversations out of his earshot -- but not before pointing out that a man ought to know better than to follow a woman to her car.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A director at my place of work sent out a system-wide email inviting everyone to a baby shower for her daughter, who does not work here, never has, and no one here knows her, except by name.

The shower is scheduled for two hours, during work, in one of the rooms at my place of employment. Many of us are baffled by, first of all, the use of the company-wide email system (that very few people have access to) for such a strange invitation, and second, the fact that she somehow thinks this is appropriate.

On occasion, we have had departments host brief showers for people who do work here, but have never done so for grandparents, aunts, etc. Making people further uncomfortable is that, because of her position, she has influence over many of us.

Are we overreacting? Should we attend this event to protect our jobs, or should we politely decline due to our workload and hope she realizes how tacky this all is? To the best of my knowledge, management hasn’t said anything to her, because she acts as if everything is perfectly fine.

GENTLE READER: This is a wild overreach on the director’s part and an abuse of both the facilities and the people who report to her.

But before you go tattling on her to management (which is indeed tempting and warranted), Miss Manners suggests you bring it up to her delicately -- asking if there might be a better place to hold the event that does not utilize company resources or involve people her daughter doesn’t know. If your colleague balks, then you may consider going to HR or management. They probably already have a rule in place that guards against such practices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a large city, and used to enjoy going out to lunch or dinner with friends. However, the loud music combined with the lack of sound-absorbing materials in restaurants have made dining out a stressful event.

It has become almost impossible to converse in a normal tone of voice. As we age, many of us wear hearing aids. It is difficult to distinguish words in a background of noise. Many young people also complain about the decibel level.

We often ask the waitstaff if the volume can be lowered, but to no avail. (If we are the only people in the restaurant, the volume might be lowered, but as soon as another party enters, the volume is pumped up again.)

No wonder people have lost the ability to converse! What can we do, other than staying home and getting takeout delivered?

GENTLE READER: You are more likely to enjoy your evening out if you choose a restaurant by decibel level, just as you would select a type of cuisine, such as Moroccan or Sichuan.

Miss Manners suggests that you call ahead and explain that you are looking for a quiet restaurant.

No restaurateur wants an unhappy customer, so they are unlikely to mislead you, and your call might make them wonder if they should be turning down the volume.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an RN, and I spent most of my 30-year career working at a community hospital near my home. It didn’t have the greatest reputation, but it had some great doctors and nurses, and I was proud of the work we did.

When asked, I tell people where I worked, and am often met with, “Oh, I would never go to that hospital” or “I hate that hospital.” (This also happened while I was still working there!)

I am at a loss as to how to respond to these rude people. Usually, I just ignore the ignorant comment, but sometimes, I’d like to have a comeback ready that would make them aware how hurtful and thoughtless they are. Any ideas?

GENTLE READER: Tell them you are sorry they had a bad experience -- or whatever they are relating about the hospital. Miss Manners fears that you may be in for a long story.

Then mention that you worked with some very dedicated professionals, but do not know the current situation. And change the subject.

Please, however, note Miss Manners’ full answer. You asked how to make them realize they were rude and feel bad about it. She did that -- and possibly also got them to rethink their opinion of the hospital.

You neglected to ask how to do this without starting an argument or convincing the questioner that you are just as bad as the hospital. Which is what would have happened, had you contradicted them without giving them an out, or by glaring at them and letting the conversation grind to a halt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professor at a small university. One of my colleagues has the annoying habit of entering my office without knocking. These are not social visits: She invariably needs help with her computer or wants to borrow instructional materials, and she just opens the door and walks in.

Before we moved to this building, her office was a few doors down from mine, and she would simply shout for me whenever she needed something. If I didn’t respond, she would shout louder.

I finally sent her a testy email asking her to come to my door rather than shout for me as if I were a dog. She stopped doing this, but her feelings were clearly hurt.

She just doesn’t pick up on the subtler signals of body language and tone of voice by which most people would realize that their behavior had offended someone.

I know there must be some verbal middle ground between hoping she will notice my compressed lips and clipped manner, and blowing up and asking if she was raised by wolves, but I don’t know what it is.

I think she feels that offices are somehow public spaces and that knocking is unnecessary, but my policy has always been to knock on my colleagues’ doors, even if they are ajar or fully open, and wait to be invited in.

A friend has suggested that I keep my door locked, even while I’m in my office, but I really don’t like the inaccessibility this creates, especially for my students. (Also, I’m fundamentally lazy and prefer not to have to get up and cross the room to open the door every time someone knocks.)

Please tell me what to do or say that will get the job done without unnecessarily embarrassing or offending this person.

GENTLE READER: This is going to be easy. Think of this person as you would a student who lacks knowledge which it is your job to teach.

Miss Manners will, however, remind you that your methods are different when teaching graduate students and undergraduates: more collegial, with a recognition of greater expertise and experience. Thus, not “You are supposed to knock before entering,” but rather, “Please knock, as I might be occupied.”

It may be a learning experience for you as well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t know if it’s a faux pas for an adult to cry in public, excepting at a wedding or funeral. I think most people would not cry in public on purpose, but I know I have on occasion (as discreetly as possible), when I could not seek privacy in time.

I have also seen people crying, and I sympathize. If we notice an adult crying in public, is it more polite to pretend we don’t see them? Offer a handkerchief? Say something?

GENTLE READER: A legitimate reason to take notice would be to see if there is something one can do, which includes either rectifying the underlying cause or expressing sympathy. Not, Miss Manners must emphasize, satisfying one’s own curiosity about the cause.

Which reason applies will depend on circumstances -- as well as whether you yourself were the cause.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)