DEAR MISS MANNERS: In 2023, I gave my husband's niece a lovely wedding shower at a restaurant. It included lunch and mimosas. The luncheon was about $1,500 with gratuity. I also paid for the cake, favors and game prizes, to the tune of another $500. I also gave a gift ($100). Later that year, my husband gave the bride and groom another gift from their registry.

Our son (a cousin of the bride) and his then-fiancee lived in the same town as this couple, and they occasionally had dinner together. Our son and his fiancee gave a wedding gift to the bride.

The niece/bride is an attorney, her husband is a social media influencer and they are worth millions. They live in a million-dollar home.

Fast-forward to our son's wedding in 2024. It was in a town near where they all live. My son and his wife did not have a wedding shower. They do well themselves. My family came in from out of state and paid for their own hotel rooms, airfare and car rentals. My husband's family, niece included, drove to the wedding.

My family, with less resources, still managed to give small gifts. Other than one nephew, none of my husband's family gave gifts. The wedding cost my son and his wife over $200 per person.

When opening gifts after the honeymoon, my son and his wife were hurt that the niece and her husband gave nothing. But they had two gifts from the registry that didn't have cards, so he called the niece and asked if either of those were from the niece and her husband.

The niece said, "No, we didn't get you anything."

So, fast-forward again: The niece is pregnant and is having a baby shower. It will be in her hometown, near my son. I do not plan to attend. I do not plan to give a gift.

I would like to say something to her about reciprocity, but don't know if it is inappropriate, or if I should say something to the nephew (the one who gave a gift). What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there is an awful lot of tallying up of who is owed what in this situation. And despite your repeatedly stating so, not enough fast-forwarding.

Reciprocity in giving presents is expected, but it is not obligatory.

The niece's frank response, however, was rude. Miss Manners will therefore sign off on your not attending her baby shower or getting her a present. But please spare both the niece and the unwitting nephew a lecture. The latter already behaved well, and the former does not care.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a close friend who gives gifts we are not wild about, but display anyway. If she does not see her gift when here, she will ask about it: where is it, don't you like it, etc.

She is a sweet lady, but so needy. So we take down art we enjoy and put up the cat-in-the-bathtub picture. No sense hurting her feelings, right? Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you are a rare, good friend. Consider that every time you have to look at the cat in the bathtub.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am female, and I have a male friend who likes to flirt with other women when we go out for dinner or other occasions. Seeing as we're just friends, I don't think I have any justification for asking him to cool it.

On the other hand, I feel like he uses me in a way and disrespects me by constantly turning his attention toward any other woman in the room rather than me, his friend, whose company he is in. He sometimes asks me to approach women and ask them to join us, to ask for recommendations from them on the menu, etc.

I never flirt with other men or ask him to approach men for me -- doing so would seem rude to me. It seems to me that valuing a person and their friendship means giving them your attention when you visit with them. We don't see each other often, maybe once every couple of months.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you and your friend can institute "Flirt Dates": outings with the specific goal of helping each other meet romantic prospects. The agreement would be that non-designated days are dedicated to just the two of you.

This does not guarantee, Miss Manners realizes, that your friend will abstain from extracurricular activity, but at least you will have put him on notice that A. his external flirting is distracting and takes away from your time together; B. you are not doing this because you have a romantic interest in him; and C. maybe you would like help finding a date as well.

Or not. But then, A. and B. would still apply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 42-year-old woman who has been working hard to get healthier for myself and for my son. We have gone to the gym together multiple times a week, and are modifying our diet.

I am happy to say the work has paid off: I have dropped clothing sizes, and people have started noticing. I have had quite a few "Wow, you have lost weight" comments from co-workers, and have started to get comments, questions and even assumptions that I must be using weight loss drugs.

I am finding it hard to respond without being disrespectful to those who maybe are on such drugs. So far, I have just said I have never tried any meds, but I keep getting asked, so I don't think I am believed. What would be a better response?

GENTLE READER: You do not have to justify something that should not be commented upon in the first place. That your answer is not believed by these nosy, impertinent people is insulting.

Miss Manners suggests you continue to acknowledge what they believe to be a compliment and stop answering when they get intrusive (or even before). Eventually the novelty of you looking fit will wear off, and they can pry into the details of someone else's health and beauty regiment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am proud of my mantel Christmas display. I have a number of rustic Santa Claus figurines, and I wrap clear, twinkling lights around them. I have received compliments on the display.

My sister commented that it looks like Santa threw up on my mantel. I didn't know how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Trust Miss Manners: It is better for sibling relations that you did not have a snappy comeback like, "Yes. He had too much of your eggnog."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance from church asked if I had any holiday plans. I mentioned that I was spending a couple of days visiting my father between Christmas and New Year's.

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" she enthused.

My father has been moved into a dementia ward this year. I have spent the last year in phone calls with him listening as he has slowly forgotten where I live (I moved here 30 years ago), what I do for a living (the same job for 27 years), and, sometimes, what we talked about five minutes earlier.

I am going to see him because it may well be the last time I do so while he still remembers me. I hope that it will not be a miserable time, but I am hard-pressed to describe it as "fun."

Is there a proper way to respond to a comment like this that reflects my somber feelings about the matter without coming across as though I intend to make the speaker feel guilty?

GENTLE READER: It seems right to clarify the situation: It will explain why you do not appear to be enthusiastic now, and it will allow her to strike the right tone if she inquires about the visit after the holidays.

Miss Manners would have you say something simple like, "Actually, he is not in good health, so it will likely be a bit difficult." But the tone is much more important than the words, and here you need to err on the side of not overemphasizing the negative: What you are looking for is serious, without being in any way funereal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to love hosting dinner parties, bringing friends together for good food and lively conversation. But the fun has gone out of it because just about everyone tells me about their specific dietary preferences.

This one is vegetarian. (I can work with that.) That one requires gluten-free. Another has embraced keto, which means low carbs. One of my closest friends told me that he no longer eats cheese, or any other dairy, out of animal welfare concerns. Someone else avoids sugar.

I stopped inviting one acquaintance who is vegan, even though he's delightful company. It's just too much trouble! I'm happy, of course, to accommodate serious food allergies. But is there a way to ask people to put aside their "preferences" so that I can prepare an inspired menu?

GENTLE READER: You could try billing it as a foodie event, whatever that is. But will that protect you from hearing about how much everyone doesn't like eggplant? Or how affectionate octopuses are? Or restore any of the fun? Probably not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)