DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am female, and I have a male friend who likes to flirt with other women when we go out for dinner or other occasions. Seeing as we're just friends, I don't think I have any justification for asking him to cool it.

On the other hand, I feel like he uses me in a way and disrespects me by constantly turning his attention toward any other woman in the room rather than me, his friend, whose company he is in. He sometimes asks me to approach women and ask them to join us, to ask for recommendations from them on the menu, etc.

I never flirt with other men or ask him to approach men for me -- doing so would seem rude to me. It seems to me that valuing a person and their friendship means giving them your attention when you visit with them. We don't see each other often, maybe once every couple of months.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you and your friend can institute "Flirt Dates": outings with the specific goal of helping each other meet romantic prospects. The agreement would be that non-designated days are dedicated to just the two of you.

This does not guarantee, Miss Manners realizes, that your friend will abstain from extracurricular activity, but at least you will have put him on notice that A. his external flirting is distracting and takes away from your time together; B. you are not doing this because you have a romantic interest in him; and C. maybe you would like help finding a date as well.

Or not. But then, A. and B. would still apply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 42-year-old woman who has been working hard to get healthier for myself and for my son. We have gone to the gym together multiple times a week, and are modifying our diet.

I am happy to say the work has paid off: I have dropped clothing sizes, and people have started noticing. I have had quite a few "Wow, you have lost weight" comments from co-workers, and have started to get comments, questions and even assumptions that I must be using weight loss drugs.

I am finding it hard to respond without being disrespectful to those who maybe are on such drugs. So far, I have just said I have never tried any meds, but I keep getting asked, so I don't think I am believed. What would be a better response?

GENTLE READER: You do not have to justify something that should not be commented upon in the first place. That your answer is not believed by these nosy, impertinent people is insulting.

Miss Manners suggests you continue to acknowledge what they believe to be a compliment and stop answering when they get intrusive (or even before). Eventually the novelty of you looking fit will wear off, and they can pry into the details of someone else's health and beauty regiment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am proud of my mantel Christmas display. I have a number of rustic Santa Claus figurines, and I wrap clear, twinkling lights around them. I have received compliments on the display.

My sister commented that it looks like Santa threw up on my mantel. I didn't know how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Trust Miss Manners: It is better for sibling relations that you did not have a snappy comeback like, "Yes. He had too much of your eggnog."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance from church asked if I had any holiday plans. I mentioned that I was spending a couple of days visiting my father between Christmas and New Year's.

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" she enthused.

My father has been moved into a dementia ward this year. I have spent the last year in phone calls with him listening as he has slowly forgotten where I live (I moved here 30 years ago), what I do for a living (the same job for 27 years), and, sometimes, what we talked about five minutes earlier.

I am going to see him because it may well be the last time I do so while he still remembers me. I hope that it will not be a miserable time, but I am hard-pressed to describe it as "fun."

Is there a proper way to respond to a comment like this that reflects my somber feelings about the matter without coming across as though I intend to make the speaker feel guilty?

GENTLE READER: It seems right to clarify the situation: It will explain why you do not appear to be enthusiastic now, and it will allow her to strike the right tone if she inquires about the visit after the holidays.

Miss Manners would have you say something simple like, "Actually, he is not in good health, so it will likely be a bit difficult." But the tone is much more important than the words, and here you need to err on the side of not overemphasizing the negative: What you are looking for is serious, without being in any way funereal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to love hosting dinner parties, bringing friends together for good food and lively conversation. But the fun has gone out of it because just about everyone tells me about their specific dietary preferences.

This one is vegetarian. (I can work with that.) That one requires gluten-free. Another has embraced keto, which means low carbs. One of my closest friends told me that he no longer eats cheese, or any other dairy, out of animal welfare concerns. Someone else avoids sugar.

I stopped inviting one acquaintance who is vegan, even though he's delightful company. It's just too much trouble! I'm happy, of course, to accommodate serious food allergies. But is there a way to ask people to put aside their "preferences" so that I can prepare an inspired menu?

GENTLE READER: You could try billing it as a foodie event, whatever that is. But will that protect you from hearing about how much everyone doesn't like eggplant? Or how affectionate octopuses are? Or restore any of the fun? Probably not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We went to breakfast this morning with four people total, and I informed the waitress beforehand that we'd like separate, individual checks. One of the participants piped up when I said that, saying that he'd like one single bill instead.

I assumed he meant that he would take care of the entire bill for all four of us. I sincerely believe that was his intention.

When the bill came, everybody save one took out their wallets and offered, out of politeness, to pay cash toward the entire bill. It is my understanding that, in such a situation, the one who offered to pay the entire bill should politely decline, and instead pick up the bill in full.

He didn't. Instead, he accepted the cash from others as offered. This was disruptive to at least one person, who had anticipated paying their separate check via a card, and who didn't therefore bring cash.

I am very confused. Miss Manners, how ought things to go in such a situation?

GENTLE READER: Well, not that way. Even if the hapless host now assures the cashless participant that he will pay, that person has already been embarrassed.

And now the two whose cash he just accepted will also feel ill-used.

Miss Manners does not understand why people are so eager to speak about money at all the wrong times, but are suddenly shy when it is perfectly proper. When asking for a single check, the host should have said, "Please let me get this." You and the fourth guest were fine to protest when the bill came, but he should have turned you down. And if the other guest had then apologized for not having cash, he could have used that as a gracious excuse to win the argument.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About trying to get a head count for a party, would it be rude to say: "The party is on Feb. 15. Please let us know by the 7th if you will be coming. If we don't hear from you by then, we will assume you will not be attending. If you cannot know your plans by the 7th, please let me know that, too, and maybe we can work something out."

That should get the invitees to respond in a timely fashion one way or another. To me, the above doesn't seem too much to expect of an invitee, and the party-giver has a better chance of not ending up with too many or too few around her table. The host/hostess has set it up in such a way that the response, or lack of it, tells him/her what is needed for setting up for a party.

GENTLE READER: This sounds like a theoretical exercise for you, so while Miss Manners agrees that it should not be too much trouble for people to respond to invitations, she suggests you check back when you have experiential data.

Asking people to respond by a given date is neither rude nor new, but suggesting they would be inconsiderate enough not to respond is both -- and is also inconsistent with your otherwise charmingly optimistic appraisal of humanity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)