DEAR MISS MANNERS: Each year, Halloween heralds my own personal horror: the season during which my family harasses me to provide them with a list of items that I would like for Christmas.

I abhor this annual ritual. To me, the value in receiving gifts is the knowledge that the giver took the time and effort to think about what I might really like and select something they thought might please me.

The beauty in gift-giving is in the attention paid to the receiver: looking carefully around their home to see if there is an item of comfort they might be missing; listening to their conversations for tidbits about their interests and hobbies; noticing the slight look of pleasure in their eyes when they see an artwork in a gallery window and deciding to make that pleasure permanent.

I have tried to gently explain this to my family, yet they are adamant that I should give them a list. My sister has taken to calling me daily to demand such a document, and she is now threatening to have my father, stepmother and other siblings do the same until I change my phone number or crack under the strain.

I would prefer receiving no gift at all to receiving one I selected myself. I doubt my family members have noticed, but each year they make lists and circulate them, and each year I go to a great deal of effort to select gifts for them that are NOT on their lists, yet are a reflection of their personal tastes and interests.

How can I politely decline their repeated demands? I do not wish to suppress their joy in the holiday, but I simply cannot bring myself to accede to their wishes.

GENTLE READER: Alas, it is time to point out to them how much more efficient it would be to have all of you do your own shopping.

Miss Manners is sorry to see the end of an ancient tradition that was one of the hallmarks of civilization. As you have experienced, the gift registry/wish list has killed it.

Just look at what this has done to what used to be referred to as the Christmas Spirit.

If they won’t agree to dropping either the lists or the entire custom, you will have to tell them that you are opting out. And you may have to change your telephone number after all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a writer and editor by profession, so I read books with a critical eye. I bought a book written by an acquaintance of several years (nonfiction). I read the book and found several typos, one very noticeable, and one egregious error of fact.

Should I let my acquaintance know what I found? How can I, without insulting them? Or should I just keep my findings to myself? I don’t think my acquaintance knows my profession.

GENTLE READER: It is not so much "how" you should do this, as "why." Can the errors be corrected at this point?

Miss Manners gathers that it is a printed book, rather than an e-book. If so, you can ask if it is going into a second edition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am always looking to meet new people and make new friends. But for the last five years or so, I have noticed that people only want to talk about themselves -- their travels, home renovations, work, etc.

I understand that the favorite topic of conversation for most people is themselves, but what happened to a two-way conversation?

My own family, friends I haven’t seen in ages, and acquaintances alike only talk about themselves -- often in a pretentious manner. They never ask about me: what I’ve been doing, what my life is like, my opinion, etc. My partner has noticed the same thing, and even asked me why it keeps happening.

Even at one of my book clubs, the host spends most of the time talking about herself, not the book. At the last meeting, after I asked a question and listened to others’ answers, I started to make my own comment, but I was interrupted. I received no apology or invitation to continue. The conversation returned to the host and her life, and I found myself incredibly bored and needing to leave.

Ditto for a dinner club that inevitably focuses on the travels of one or two in the group. I consider myself reasonably well-traveled, but I learned a long time ago that talking about one's vacations is pretentious, not to mention boring for most people.

I would also point out that this type of status-seeking narration is seen by foreigners as very American -- meaning, shallow and unsophisticated. I equate this behavior with posting on social media about every restaurant meal and mundane event.

Have people lost the ability to converse? Is it because of social media? Building meaningful conversation requires interaction among at least two participants.

GENTLE READER: Yes, these are oral versions of what Miss Manners has come to think of as the modern template for expression: the press release. The puff piece about oneself.

But it’s not all that new, and she can’t blame it all on social media. A simpler version existed before that: the mimeographed Christmas letter.

Perhaps there were those who used that form not only to give news of themselves, and to give it modestly, but to inquire about others in such a way as to encourage correspondence. But as it was a form letter, addressed to many, it could not pretend to be personal.

It’s also sad that the talk you hear seems always to be a narration, instead of an exploration of ideas. It is especially egregious at a book club, where general conversation should be prompted by the book.

Short of finding new sets of friends, Miss Manners can only suggest that you practice saying, “Would you like my opinion?” and “I suppose you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to carry on a conversation on a cellphone while sitting in a public place, such as on public transit, in a waiting room or aircraft boarding area?

GENTLE READER: Can you do so in a normal conversational tone?

Miss Manners doubts it. But it’s not just you. For whatever reason, people tend to scream when they use their telephones in public, and that is rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally enjoy having lunch at a restaurant with a group of longtime friends. All is well until the time comes when they want to take a group photo, which, of course, gets posted on Facebook.

I do not post on social media. I do not want my life, in words nor photos, posted. So I quietly say I’ll back out of camera range, as I don’t want a picture of me posted online.

I get looks like I’m from another planet. How do I respond to these looks? And just as bad, how do I respond to people who post my photo without permission?

GENTLE READER: Move to Dubai. Apparently there, you must ask for permission before taking a photo.

Good manners would dictate the same in our country, but since it is not punishable by law, no one adheres to it. Miss Manners is working on that.

In the meantime, ignore the looks and ask your friends to take down the photos. It is they who are being rude, not you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a friend pointed out how often I talk over other people, I’ve been working to rein in this bad habit. In my personal life, this has gone well.

At work, it’s been harder. I’m frequently in meetings where a colleague is so long-winded, or so far off-topic, that if someone doesn’t interrupt and redirect them, we aren’t able to finish the business at hand.

Almost as often, the person running the meeting is in a rush and moves on from a topic too quickly before I’ve gotten the information I need. Here, if I don’t interrupt and ask them to back up, I have to schedule another meeting to follow up, which is annoying for everyone.

Assuming in both cases the speaker doesn’t pause, ask questions or take a breath, how can I help guide these conversations without interrupting?

GENTLE READER: You could raise your hand. Although a bit school-ish and annoying, it will get the point across without actual interruption. Or you could preempt those speakers prone to reciting monologues by asking if there will be time for questions afterwards.

But Miss Manners does not entirely object to asking to schedule another meeting. While inconvenient, it has the advantage of likely only having to occur once to be effective.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been frequenting a pub for a while now. My favorite bartender is very kind, and always gets me my favorite drink. I don’t drink alcohol, which she knows, and I make sure to drink enough nonalcoholic beverages for her to earn a profit.

The problem is, she regularly provides me with free alcohol shots. Is there any way to stop her?

GENTLE READER: Kindly ask her not to?

Remind her that you do not drink, but that you are more than happy to join her with shots of juice or anything else she has lying around -- except, Miss Manners warns, the contents of the bar mat.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)