DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a man with curly hair. A year ago, I decided to grow it out. Today I went in for a haircut. I told the barber that I was growing it “classical musician” long, but that I needed the bottom of the back trimmed up. I expected it could use a little bit of shaping up all over, as well.

When he was finished and turned me around so that I could see it, my hair was SHORT. As in, the back was a quarter-inch long. I was stunned.

Without comment, I paid him (including the tip). I am beyond frustrated. Is there anything I could have said or done?

GENTLE READER: After the deed was done, no. But next time -- at a different barber’s -- you might wish to pay more attention while the operation is in progress.

Miss Manners suspects some other distraction was at play -- a phone, perhaps, or the classical music on the salon speakers. The lack of direct access to a mirror does not, by itself, explain why one would not notice all that hair cascading onto the floor.

She does not mean to be unsympathetic, but not everything in life has an undo button.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a midsized company that has a centralized administrative office, in addition to locations where we do field work. I am part of the administration, and work permanently from my office.

The unwritten policy is that we leave our office doors open, although we are allowed to close them for short periods if we are on the phone or need to work uninterrupted.

There is a conference room located directly beside my office that is utilized multiple times daily. Before and after these meetings, people will congregate in the hallway in front of my office door to talk. Occasionally someone will even lean on my doorjamb with their backside in my office.

The conversations are loud enough to be disruptive, even if I am wearing headphones, and they are also blocking my exit path if I were to leave for any reason. Sometimes these conversations will last in excess of 10 or 15 minutes.

I cannot ask the meeting participants to go somewhere else, because they are project managers, department VPs, clients and the HR department with prospective employees. Would it be rude of me to get up and gently close my door while they are standing there conversing? Or is it better to just grin and bear it?

GENTLE READER: To answer your question, it’s worth examining why you cannot just (politely) ask these people to gather farther away. It should not be because they outrank you, but rather because what they are doing is (or is presumed to be) in furtherance of company business.

For the same reason, not only can you gently close your door so as to be more productive, but Miss Manners would think less of any boss who thought less of you for doing so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the era of selfies, I’m as guilty as anyone of holding my phone out and snapping a photo of my spouse and me in front of some interesting feature. Those photos stay on my phone, or maybe on a social media account, but no further.

Conversely, my grandparents, of blessed memory, who never even heard the word "selfie," had 8x10 studio photographs of themselves framed and hanging on the walls in their respective living rooms. I also inherited large-format portrait photos of two pairs of great-grandparents, both of which are in fairly elaborate frames. They now hang in my living room.

Though it was obviously once common, I don’t know anyone who has framed portraits of themselves in their homes now.

An oil portrait of my spouse and me isn’t in our budget, but I have been considering hanging a professionally composed and framed photo of us in our home. Would this come across as narcissistic? Or is it simply a loving continuation of a three-generation tradition?

GENTLE READER: Who, in what you so aptly named the Era of Selfies, will dare to raise the charge of narcissism? And which is more blatant: including yourselves among family in your own living room, or posting it for all the world to see?

Showcasing painted portraits of oneself was considered acceptable because they were presumably valued for their artistic merit, rather than their subjects -- and never mind that the subjects had commissioned them in the first place.

If you want to be above reproach, Miss Manners suggests that you avoid pictures in which you are shaking hands with the president or displaying the biggest fish you ever caught. But frankly, she doubts that there is much danger these days, when modesty is no longer considered a virtue, but rather an unfortunate lack of self-esteem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had dinner party guests arrive 45 minutes early. They weren’t confused about the time, they just came early. What should I have done?

I sat them in the living room, got them each a drink and then abandoned them for 45 minutes while I changed clothes and finished up in the kitchen. They seemed peevish when I finally joined them, but honestly, what should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Seated them in the living room, given them drinks, and then abandoned them while you changed clothes and finished up in the kitchen.

Too bad they didn’t ask Miss Manners what they should have done: not arrived early, apologized if they did, thanked you for the drinks, and assured you that they would be fine sitting in the living room until you were ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 60th wedding anniversary party, and it states: “ABSOLUTELY NO GIFTS.”

What can I do for the lovely couple, who have been family friends for many, many years? I really want to give them something!

GENTLE READER: Then give them something priceless: a letter of appreciation about them and the friendship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Dinner parties and entertaining are not the only currencies of friendship.

I frequently gave rides to a friend of mine, who later bought a nice home and began hosting dinner parties. I assumed she was throwing these dinners as thank-yous for those of us who had chauffeured her around for decades, but no -- she was bummed that I was not reciprocating dinner for dinner. When I said that my home is not suitable for entertaining, she suggested a picnic.

I am also annoyed that when I was organizing picnics and events for our group some years back, she didn’t attend. Apparently she thought she was supposed to step away from our group if she was not in a position to reciprocate invitations.

There are many kinds of support, including helping the hostess with cleanup, pet-sitting, listening and helping with problems, and showing up when invited. In today’s busy world, some of your advice seems narrowly focused on entertaining and invitations as the sole currencies of friendship.

GENTLE READER: That you have a point, Miss Manners acknowledges. Many people do not entertain these days, and those who do are getting fed up with the lack of reciprocity.

But most of what you suggest as reciprocation is just being a good guest or a good friend. You don’t seem to understand that your friend would like to go out once in a while.

And when she suggested a picnic, she was countering your excuse that your home is “not suitable for entertaining.” She is not looking for anything fancy, merely the warmth of being invited into a friend's home.

But yes, there are other ways of reciprocating: Restaurant meals. Presents beyond just handing over a bottle of wine as if it were the price of admission. Perhaps tracking down an out-of-print book your friend has been trying to find. Reliable driving -- meaning not just taking her where you were going yourself, but being available for her medical appointments or other activities. Maybe subscriptions for specialty food deliveries.

She is your friend; you should be able to think of some way of showing that you are not just on the take in this friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I entered the elevator in my office building with a man and a woman, both in their 20s. There

was another lady coming towards the elevator, so I held the door. She ultimately took the stairs. I apologized for the delay to the two others in the elevator.

The man then said he would not have held the elevator for that lady, and the woman said the same. The man then told me I was "too nice"!

I was stunned, to say the least. I didn’t have the presence of mind to respond, and just faced the elevator door until we exited. What, if anything, would you have said?

GENTLE READER: “Oh, dear, that IS a problem nowadays -- people being too nice and showing too much consideration for others. Do please forgive me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)