DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter acted poorly and has now been distancing herself from one of her good friends. This is the second time in a few years she has done this.

I’ve spoken to her for weeks, trying to get her to apologize and mend their relationship. My daughter has now reached out to her friend, saying she wants to be friends again. The friend said OK.

I’m close with the mom of this child, but now I feel like there is a strain on my parent friendship because my child was the one who acted poorly. I don’t know how to approach the mom since this transpired. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks. I have a feeling she is upset with me for my daughter’s behavior, and she has a right to be.

Do I reach out to the mom? Do I wait until I see her in person at a school event? I’m normally really good at reading a situation, but this one is confusing me.

GENTLE READER: It is easy to blame the parents for a child’s behavior. Sometimes it is their fault. Sometimes, however, children remind us that they are their own people and act independently -- despite one’s best efforts and proper upbringing.

It is a good and wise parent friend who can tell the difference.

Miss Manners suggests that you help this one along on the journey. Reach out to your friend to clear the air, telling her that you were appalled by your daughter’s behavior and have had many long talks about how it affects her friend. You might even say that if she sees your daughter acting this way again, to tell you at once and you will address it.

Your friend may attempt to rekindle the friendship or she may not. But the chances of the situation being reversed at some point in her own child’s interactions are high. So she would be wise to be generous with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been given a gift of immeasurable proportions: the gift of having my life saved by many nurses and doctors after my cancer diagnosis.

I want to show my gratitude to these wonderful people who have selflessly dedicated their lives to helping others, asking for nothing in return. I would like to at least give them each a card and small gift, yet each time I set out to write a note of thanks, no words can express the level of gratitude that I feel.

What do you suggest that I say or do? Also, would it be appropriate to donate to a cancer charity in their names and let them know about it?

GENTLE READER: No. They are making enough donations to the medical field on their own.

A heartfelt letter expressing your thanks is best. Miss Manners suggests you focus on the specific things they did to make you feel better and help you heal. Expressing your gratitude will make them feel more appreciated than any small, generic gift.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing this on a flight to Dallas after the flight attendant just served my soft drink. Is it just me, or are other airline passengers just as irritated by the way these drinks are served?

More often than not, the attendant will stand in the aisle, check the drink order list, then grab the top of the cup with their fingers around its lip before handing it to the passenger. If this were a restaurant, you would never return.

I wanted to refuse my drink as a matter of principle, but the pretzels they previously served were calling my name.

Why can’t all airlines do a better job in training their flight attendants on the very basic etiquette of serving a drink in a cup?

GENTLE READER: How do you know what the flight attendant training entails? Perhaps the safety of protecting your pants from spills is prioritized over cup-lip hygiene.

To be clear, Miss Manners does not condone the practice. But if you are squeamish, she would suggest that you not look too closely at either the passing of the cups or the other sanitary practices on airplanes. That is, if you still want those pretzels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I flew to the home of a friend to help her with a project as a favor. She has two cats, and unfortunately, I discovered that she keeps her two litter boxes positioned in common spaces. One was in the living room, adjacent to the kitchen, and the other was very close to the dining room table.

Both cats were allowed on the dining table and on the kitchen countertops. There was cat litter on the floor near the boxes, and the surfaces in the dining room and kitchen were not clean.

I found this all to be nauseating, to say the least. I tried to address this situation and got nowhere. I was so uncomfortable because of this, and other unwelcoming aspects of the visit, that I left several days early.

I feel badly that I left before the project was completed, but it was a very tense situation which was clearly not going to change. Was there another way to address this situation?

GENTLE READER: You have neglected to mention to Miss Manners how you addressed it here. If you said, “I’m sorry, but I seem to be having a reaction to the cats being out and about. I’m afraid for my health, and will have to leave early,” it would have been fine.

If you said, “Your house is disgusting and your cats smell. I’m outta here!” -- that would be less fine.

As tempting as it may be, one cannot dictate how others maintain their homes. You can control how you react to it, however. Even while nauseated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After commuting to the same job for 15 years, 15 minutes from my home, last winter I took a better job an hour away. My body refuses to adjust to this new reality. Even though I have virtually stopped drinking water or coffee in the afternoons, and even though I visit the ladies’ room last thing before leaving the office, I ALWAYS arrive home urgently needing to go to the bathroom.

It’s been 10 months now, and it’s not getting any better. The problem is that I live in a 200-unit apartment building full of sociable folks, many of whom are senior citizens who sit in the lobby, through which I must pass to get to my apartment. In the past, I would stop, say hello and briefly catch up on my way into the building, which I enjoyed and I hope my neighbors did, too.

Now I’m just zooming through, sometimes cutting off people's greetings a bit curtly. I feel rude, but the alternative (an accident in the lobby) seems worse.

Is there a polite way to say, “Can’t talk now! Gotta go to the bathroom! Please don’t be offended” without coming right out and saying that? Or is total honesty the best policy?

GENTLE READER: Is now a good time to talk? Miss Manners only asks because ... you know.

No, honesty is not the best policy here. Better to look concerned and antsy, excuse yourself, and dash.

Telling the whole story is unnecessary. If your neighbors thought you were making up an excuse to get away from them, they will still think so after you give your explanation. And the full story would invite discussions you do not want to have, especially at that time. Every senior citizen in the building -- no, make that every resident over the age of 30 -- is going to tell you about the doctor, prescription or home remedy that solved a similar problem.

Also, telling the whole story is undignified.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live near a university campus with walking trails -- some paved, some heavily wooded. Many locals and students take advantage of them daily. Between my energetic dog and my fast pace, we often catch up to other walkers from behind. I hate to startle them by suddenly appearing next to them, but this situation happens frequently.

I intentionally make some noise as I approach to give them a heads-up, but they don’t always hear me. And if they do, even that noise startles them.

What should someone do in this situation? It’s made more challenging by the high number of people using earbuds, who are completely surprised. I do wish people were more aware, especially in the secluded areas.

GENTLE READER: You are doing what needs to be done.

Miss Manners is happy to remind people that they should pay more attention to their surroundings, but failure to do so does not empower the mannerly to run them down. Good manners involves consideration for others, which sometimes means not spending too much time thinking about their behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)