DEAR MISS MANNERS: After commuting to the same job for 15 years, 15 minutes from my home, last winter I took a better job an hour away. My body refuses to adjust to this new reality. Even though I have virtually stopped drinking water or coffee in the afternoons, and even though I visit the ladies’ room last thing before leaving the office, I ALWAYS arrive home urgently needing to go to the bathroom.

It’s been 10 months now, and it’s not getting any better. The problem is that I live in a 200-unit apartment building full of sociable folks, many of whom are senior citizens who sit in the lobby, through which I must pass to get to my apartment. In the past, I would stop, say hello and briefly catch up on my way into the building, which I enjoyed and I hope my neighbors did, too.

Now I’m just zooming through, sometimes cutting off people's greetings a bit curtly. I feel rude, but the alternative (an accident in the lobby) seems worse.

Is there a polite way to say, “Can’t talk now! Gotta go to the bathroom! Please don’t be offended” without coming right out and saying that? Or is total honesty the best policy?

GENTLE READER: Is now a good time to talk? Miss Manners only asks because ... you know.

No, honesty is not the best policy here. Better to look concerned and antsy, excuse yourself, and dash.

Telling the whole story is unnecessary. If your neighbors thought you were making up an excuse to get away from them, they will still think so after you give your explanation. And the full story would invite discussions you do not want to have, especially at that time. Every senior citizen in the building -- no, make that every resident over the age of 30 -- is going to tell you about the doctor, prescription or home remedy that solved a similar problem.

Also, telling the whole story is undignified.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live near a university campus with walking trails -- some paved, some heavily wooded. Many locals and students take advantage of them daily. Between my energetic dog and my fast pace, we often catch up to other walkers from behind. I hate to startle them by suddenly appearing next to them, but this situation happens frequently.

I intentionally make some noise as I approach to give them a heads-up, but they don’t always hear me. And if they do, even that noise startles them.

What should someone do in this situation? It’s made more challenging by the high number of people using earbuds, who are completely surprised. I do wish people were more aware, especially in the secluded areas.

GENTLE READER: You are doing what needs to be done.

Miss Manners is happy to remind people that they should pay more attention to their surroundings, but failure to do so does not empower the mannerly to run them down. Good manners involves consideration for others, which sometimes means not spending too much time thinking about their behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a meal at a restaurant, my mother is in the habit of vigorously rubbing both of her hands with one or two lemon slices, squeezing the juice into her palms, pouring water onto a napkin, then wiping her hands. She will even go so far as to shake excess water from her hands onto her plate.

Mother thinks this is perfectly acceptable dining etiquette, especially since a finger bowl is usually not provided. Even if a finger bowl were available, I understand that one’s use of it would be discreet; one wouldn’t scrub one’s hands and shake them about.

I have asked Mother repeatedly to stop her handwashing at the table. She makes a great show of this, and I find it embarrassing. Naturally, Mother won’t take a daughter’s advice.

GENTLE READER: This must be quite a show.

Incidentally, you are correct about this not being the way finger bowls are properly used. They are intended for a quick dip of the fingertips, if necessary, not a bath.

Miss Manners would recommend, in descending order of difficulty: 1. telling your mother that you are happy to accompany her to the washroom, as you thank the waiter and countermand your mother’s request for lemons; 2. stop going to restaurants with your mother; 3. stop going to events at restaurants with anyone other than close family members; and 4. stop sitting next to your mother at restaurants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear sister who is 50. She is a busy professional and homemaker. I am her 65-year-old brother, living about four hours away, also well-educated. We have a very good relationship and see each other a few times a year, but we also keep in touch by frequent text messages.

My sister apparently doesn’t read and edit her texts prior to sending them. She likely uses a dictation system included in her phone that is prone to errors. Frequently, her messages have an incorrect word or two, and they are often very confusing -- lacking context or just incomprehensible.

What is a gentle way of telling her that she needs to read and edit her messages because they don’t make sense? She suggested I was being curt, dismissive and impatient in my return messages, but I did not suggest that her rushed, messed-up communications were part of the reason.

GENTLE READER: Texts are not letters -- they are not even emails -- so while Miss Manners has not seen what your sister is sending, she would guess that any lack of context, grammar, spelling, vowels, punctuation or readability puts her in the majority of those using the form.

Whether you can get her to change her behavior will depend on your relationship and her willingness to accommodate a big brother. But a more immediate fix would be to respond to unclear texts individually -- and temperately: “Sorry: don’t understand.” Once you get comfortable with this unruly medium, you may graduate to: “?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at dinner with two friends, and one shared the terrible news that her beloved dog had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. The only treatment is to make the dog comfortable for as long as possible, probably not more than a few months.

In tears, she said, “This is our kid,” and the other friend stiffened.

The other friend and I both have children, and I knew what she was thinking, but I hoped the grieving friend wouldn’t notice her reaction. Unfortunately, she did, and when she asked about it, the other friend opined that a pet and a child were two different things.

My grieving friend looked at me for support, and I just froze. I’ve lost a beloved cat -- a one-in-a-thousand cat, best cat I have ever had, she’s still the wallpaper on my phone 10 years later -- but if I’d lost one of my children, I agree that it would feel different than that.

I just froze, and she could tell I agreed that a dog is different from a child. I don’t know what I should have said, and I don’t know what I can say now to make it any better.

GENTLE READER: Has your other friend never heard the venerable declaration, “Comparisons are odious”?

Well, they are. A loss is a loss, and it is cruel to denigrate it with a comparison to another type of loss. Would you comfort a friend whose car was stolen by saying that it wasn’t as bad as having one’s house burn down?

Miss Manners understands your regret, but it is fortunate that you merely froze, rather than taking up the offensive stance. If you now offer some sympathy, perhaps your grieving friend will feel that she misinterpreted your look.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We own a home in a fairly nice neighborhood where people take good care of their homes and gardens. Many of our neighbors have housekeepers, gardeners, carpenters, etc.

I occasionally cross paths with these service providers and want to ask them for their business cards, but a voice in my head says I should ask my neighbors first and go through them. Any advice?

GENTLE READER: Yes: Listen to that voice.

Poaching other people’s domestic help is not looked upon kindly. You do not conclude a dinner party by asking to compliment the cook, who has been with the family for three generations, and then offering to double her salary if she will defect.

But Miss Manners may have been thrown off by your “fairly nice neighborhood” remark, which sounds like an understated, rich-people way of describing what appear to be heavily staffed households. Perhaps you only meant the gardening service that comes seasonally, or the carpenter who responded when someone put a foot though the wooden terrace.

In such cases, they might welcome extra work, and it would not be at the expense of their relationship with the neighbors.

Still, it is courteous -- and informative -- to go through their present employers. You need only ask, “Are you happy with the people who do your lawn? Do they take on other jobs?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)