DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m actively involved in a local writers group. Even though I’m a bit younger than the average member, I have more training as a writer, having earned a graduate degree that has led to a few publications. After joining, I took it upon myself to set up and run the email list that gets the weekly prompts out to the writers. I enjoy this.

What I enjoy less, however, is when other members tell me to do things, rather than ask. It’s not unusual for any one of them to say, “Send this out,” “Add this person” or even, “Read this and let me know what you think.”

I once said to them, "'Please' and 'thank you' go a long way," and they were better for a while, but not for long.

Looking ahead to a time when my career keeps me busier, I’m curious how I should handle future such demands on my time. What might Miss Manners suggest as a polite way to get the point across that I’d rather be asked than told what to do?

GENTLE READER: “I don’t mind doing things for the group, but my schedule gets busy. Please make your requests in advance so that I can do my best to accommodate them.”

Miss Manners is aware that this approach puts the focus on scheduling, not etiquette. But it will make the point that your time is valuable and not available on command. And that other members of the group must pose these favors as requests, not demands.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I accompanied my wife to the funeral of a former co-worker. Afterward, at an informal reception, my wife was chatting up a man I recognized from high school debate competitions 50 years ago. We chatted amicably for five minutes before I politely moved on to another conversation.

Two days later, I received an invitation to connect with this gentleman on social media. He followed up with a message saying it was nice to see my wife and me again, and, by the way, he had been surfing through my history on the internet. He was sorry that I “seemed to have had a frustrating career.”

I chose not to respond to his message. However, I am curious: Would there have been a polite response to his description of my work life? I had a challenging and rewarding career, much of it in publicly held positions.

GENTLE READER: You could have said just that -- and then privately searched your internet history for hints of why he would have possibly thought otherwise. But yes, Miss Manners agrees that his rudeness justifies your ignoring his comment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a problem that has bothered me for quite some time: Why do servers at restaurants always greet us with, "How are we doing?"

Why "we"? Are they going to sit down with us to eat? I don’t see that happening. What ever happened to, “How are you doing?”

I think it’s slightly pretentious. The servers are not with me, my wife or our guests. Why must they include themselves into their greeting?

I must have fallen off the truck somewhere along the way.

GENTLE READER: We hope that you are OK.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a fine artist, with a studio attached to my home. Friends and visitors often ask to see the studio, and I am happy to oblige. Sometimes, a visitor will ask how much a particular piece costs.

This puts me on the spot. I usually say, “Well, I would normally charge $300 for that painting, but with my ‘friends and family’ discount, I would charge $150.”

On a few occasions, I’ve had a visitor who looks aghast and murmurs something to the effect of, “I didn’t think it would be so expensive.”

Miss Manners, I do not know how to respond! I have already halved the price (which is never outlandish to begin with), and am now made to feel I’m being greedy or unreasonable. My reaction has been a strained smile and some breezy comment about how the piece was particularly time-consuming, etc., but by then the atmosphere has changed, and is difficult to undo.

Am I being rude? Should I have declined to discuss prices in this context? I suspect my guest has been rude by implying my work is not worth the (discounted!) price. How can I handle this situation more politely in the future?

GENTLE READER: Although the studio is adjacent to your home, you keep it separate for a reason (less paint in the yogurt). Miss Manners wonders if your guests need more space between their slightly impertinent question and the implied sales pitch of your answer: They may have asked the price out of mere curiosity.

Either tell them you have not yet set a price, or, if you think they are serious about a purchase, tell them that you would sell it to a commercial dealer for $300 -- with an emphasis on the word "commercial" that invites them to ask a further question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I beg for guidance on the proper etiquette with one’s cutlery at hotel buffet breakfasts. While there are abundant clean plates, the protocol seems to be that one has but a single set of cutlery.

Perhaps this is to shame one into avoiding gluttonous behavior.

However, when moving from bacon and eggs to toast or muffins, how should one get a clean knife? The knife and fork disappear in the hands of the waitstaff. Asking for new ones is rarely met with a gracious response from the (admittedly busy) servers.

GENTLE READER: Is this a trick question, Miss Manners wonders?

One gets a new knife and fork by requesting them, an answer that does not depend on whether those previously supplied were made dirty by yourself or an unnamed third party.

As to whether the staff is spending breakfast judging you, she cannot say for certain, but suspects they have better things to occupy their thoughts -- such as when this meal service is finally going to be over.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have seen a close relative in the news for something nefarious. I know they must be upset by the reports, and I sincerely feel bad for them, as I know this action was out of character.

Should I acknowledge the incident and comfort them, or just ignore the whole thing? I want to let them know things will be OK, but don’t want to embarrass them.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners notes that the action was not, however, so out of character that you appear to have any doubt about the facts.

The approach to take is to ask how they are doing. You will not need -- or want -- to mention the incident directly, or even add any special inflection when you ask how they are. Most people are well-informed about their own lives, so they will make the connection and you can then follow that lead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was dealing with someone who was complaining about a political situation, which he said made him feel very sad and scared. I replied, sincerely, that I was sorry he felt so bad about it and I hoped he felt better soon. Then he complained about “people who say they’re sorry but are really insincere about it.”

Is there any way to express my sympathies about how bad he felt without agreeing with his view of the situation?

GENTLE READER: There is, and you already did it. The best way to avoid a fight with someone who appears to be seeking one is not to worry yourself about subtext.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband died unexpectedly three months ago. It was a shock and I am not OK.

But sometimes I have to go grocery shopping. As I start to move around in the world again, people stop me frequently and ask how I’m doing.

This is difficult to answer, and I understand they are trying to be kind. But then they often go on to share with me painful stories of the spouse, sibling, child or dear friend they lost, and how hard it was for them.

I think this is an effort to show solidarity or demonstrate that I’m not alone in my grief. But it ends up with me shouldering the burden of gathering heartbreaking, sometimes traumatic, stories as I go through my day. This near-constant reminder of how unhappy people are inside is not making things easier; it’s making me want to go back to hibernating.

When someone, maybe with good intent, starts oversharing, how do I politely get them to just ... not? I’m sure their pain is real and that they also need support, but I am not the person to give it right now.

GENTLE READER: “Thank you so much for asking. I’m still at that stage where everything reminds me of my loss, which is why I am not going out. I would love to see you again and talk more when I’m able to. Excuse me.” The difficult -- but critical -- next step is then to walk away.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)