DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went to the DMV to get a temporary tag, I noticed that every person in line -- about 25 people, from young to middle-aged -- was wearing their pajamas and flip-flops. They all looked like they had just rolled out of bed.

They were also all on their phones, oblivious to others. I felt like I was in their bedrooms or bathrooms, not in a public building.

Is it too much to ask another person to put on some decent clothes, wash their face, take their hair out of a shower cap, brush their teeth and brush their hair before being out in public? Is sloppy the new chic?

It’s downright disgusting and disrespectful of others. Do they go to school like this? To work? To church? Where are the boundaries?

I am befuddled and feel disrespected. I don’t have millions of dollars, but I can still roll out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, comb my hair and put on clothes before heading out the door to run errands -- even if it’s for 10 minutes.

I often wonder if this has triggered some of the anger in our public spaces. As I see it, if people can’t respect themselves enough to dress properly and practice hygiene, observing some social graces or norms when in public, then they don’t respect others. "Letting it all hang out" has gone too far.

It’s like living in a dystopia -- no rules, no boundaries, no etiquette. Meanness rules, and disrespect is the norm. Social graces were not created to make people feel superior, but to help people feel more comfortable around others. Something is wrong!

GENTLE READER: Well, they do feel comfortable around others. They are in their pajamas.

But, as you noticed, they don’t much care about how others see them. Causes could include the isolation of COVID, the idea that any style except “casual” is pretentious, ageism that fears looking “grown-up,” a lack of creativity in the fashion industry, the mistaken belief that other clothes must be constrictive, and simple laziness.

But Miss Manners still finds it odd. Don’t most of them post pictures of themselves for others to admire? Maybe it’s only "online people" they want to impress, not live ones.

But you are not the only person to find this unsightly. The world is beginning to notice, and several countries are now establishing dress codes for tourists.

Miss Manners can’t help thinking that the offenders also pay a personal price. Satisfaction, if not pride, in one’s appearance is known to be connected with morale.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am just back from what was supposed to be my dream trip to Italy and Spain. I won’t say it was a total nightmare, but I was treated rudely by locals who were protesting tourism. There were shouts and even a near miss from a water pistol.

We all know that these places' economies are based on tourism. And frankly, they couldn’t ask for a better visitor: I had studied up on their history and art, and learned enough Italian and Spanish phrases to speak to the locals in their own language. How did they even identify me as a tourist?

GENTLE READER: How were you dressed?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You have been influential in my decision to take up a new hobby this year: mailing handwritten letters to friends and family for a variety of occasions. This includes handwritten thank-you cards instead of my usual texts of gratitude upon receiving a gift when the giver is not present.

But I got myself into a funny conundrum. My aunt recently sent matching dresses to my two youngest girls. However, "Jane's" dress was delivered by the postman at the same time that he came and took the thank-you card I had written for "Jill's" dress, not knowing Jane was getting one, too.

I have a large extended family with literally dozens of aunts and uncles, and I do not have this aunt’s phone number. I feel like my options are as follows: Send another thank-you card tomorrow for both dresses, explaining why I'd sent the first one; ask my mother to text my aunt to let her know that I did, in fact, receive both dresses; or both.

I think it makes sense to do both. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Unless the first thank-you letter ended with, “And Jane says, ‘Thanks for nothing -- where’s my dress?’” it is fine -- nay, charming -- to send a second letter without referencing the first.

But if your mother is able to text your aunt, she has her contact information. Miss Manners is not suggesting you have to use it; she is just curious why, despite the dozens of relatives, you cannot seem to figure out how to find this aunt's number.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a very small apartment whose contents and decor I have curated according to my specific needs and taste. But even friends who know this about me give me gifts of coffee-table books, artwork, tableware, clothing and more, none of which I would have chosen for myself and none of which I have room for.

My gift preferences would be consumables -- food, flowers, nice soaps and the like -- and I do mention this when gifts are discussed.

Of course I am grateful for their kindness, and always thank them sincerely in a note, but I find myself regularly giving these presents away.

I once read that the purpose of a gift was to be received, which has alleviated some guilty feelings. So far, no one seems to have noticed that their presents are not present.

GENTLE READER: Lucky you. But even if they are misguided, please remember that your friends’ intentions are to please you, not torture you. And what you do with the presents is up to you. (Miss Manners is having trouble making sense of your "purpose of a gift" quote, but she is pleased that it seems to help you feel better about donating these items.)

As long as you continue to thank your friends, not berate them for their appalling lack of observation, everyone will be fine. Except perhaps the secondhand recipients of the cast-offs, who may be similarly annoyed that you do not understand their tastes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When flying, I often find myself subjected to the unintentional elbow jabs of my seatmate.

I always make a conscious effort to remain within the boundaries of my seat, carefully avoiding encroaching on anyone else’s space. However, on my last flight, I was elbowed repeatedly while attempting to sleep. (For the record, I have been assured I am not a snorer!)

I’m certain my fellow passengers aren’t doing this on purpose, but the repeated nudging is becoming unbearable. I don’t wish to create a scene or risk being removed from the flight, but I’d also love to know if you have any elegant, perhaps even quippy, way to handle this situation without resorting to calling a flight attendant.

Also, I wonder whether your advice would change depending on the seat I’m in. I am typically a window-seat traveler, though I’ve found myself in the middle seat more than once, much to my dismay.

GENTLE READER: The annoyance is the same no matter which seat you are sitting in. It just feels more injurious when you are suffering in the middle already.

Miss Manners suggests you react to the jabs by looking startled and even producing a small yelp. When your seatmate realizes what caused this, you may say good-naturedly, “We’re packed pretty tight in here.” And if you are awoken? Add, “I hope my being asleep wasn’t bothering you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should you respond to a mother-in-law who always calls you fat?

We only see my MIL a few times per year, either when we fly her here to visit or we fly to visit her. Every time, I jokingly make a bet with my husband on how long she will last before making a rude comment about how much weight I've gained.

She said I was fat when I was in great shape. She said I was fat when I was carrying baby weight from giving her two perfect grandchildren.

Before we visited her last summer, I worked hard and lost some weight. She still said I had "gotten fat." I corrected her, saying I had actually lost weight and was wearing size 10 jeans, which was a great accomplishment for me. She thought I was exaggerating and said that I can’t wear a 10 because she wears a 14-16 and is "not that much bigger" than me.

Now I’m NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, and she has arrived to help with the older two children when we go to the hospital. It only took about a half-hour before she started laying into how much weight I’ve gained, saying she’s never seen me this big before.

I never thought she would be so insulting when I am literally days away from delivering. It’s getting under my skin this time, and I have been crying over it. Next time she comments, I think I need to put her in her place. What should I say?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners suggests starting with, “I’m nine months pregnant!”

When this response is no longer accurate, you may say, “Please do not comment on my weight. I would never dream of saying something about yours.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)