DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have discovered that my husband’s small business has been sending out birthday/anniversary cards addressed to clients by their first names (i.e. Joe Smith). I believe that the envelopes should be addressed using a title (Mr. Joe Smith). I have been informed by my husband, and his young receptionist, that using the title is too formal and omitting it is friendlier.

His clients are professionals between the ages of 30 and 90. I believe that most of them were raised during a time of proper etiquette, and that my husband not using titles makes his correspondence appear uncouth. Am I just being too picky?

GENTLE READER: "Mr. Joe Smith" would be Miss Manners’ preference. But then, she would also prefer not to receive birthday cards from her (for instance) dentist, who only knows her birthday from her private medical records -- not because he is a friend.

Now Miss Manners has a question of her own: Is this decision being made by the proprietor of the business, his wife or the receptionist who claims to know what everybody is doing these days? She is merely curious, since the lines between the personal and the professional seem to be particularly blurred at your husband’s place of business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a tremor in my hands, worse in my dominant hand, and it affects my table manners. In public, I try to choose foods that are relatively easy for me to handle, but I often have to make unconventional accommodations, such as holding my right hand with my left while eating, or putting my chin right over my bowl.

On occasion, if a food proves too difficult, I ask the restaurant to wrap it up, telling them that I am full. Then I take it home, where I can eat it in whatever manner I choose.

But perhaps I should forgo eating in public altogether?

GENTLE READER: Not on Miss Manners’ account, nor for any rule of etiquette. Accommodations for physical necessity are an essential part of good manners.

Sadly, the greatest proof of this lies in the now-rampant misuse of the rule. Why do you think we are discovering so many new diseases and allergies every time someone decides they do not want to eat their peas?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you do if you say something pleasant to someone, or ask them a question, and they totally ignore you?

I’m talking about various situations: a cashier or a library clerk, but also people I work with. I know they hear me, but they don’t respond.

I used to work with women who would ignore me at work if I said anything to them, but if they saw me out at a store, they would say hi to me. Should I have ignored them, like they did to me?

GENTLE READER: Deliberately ignoring someone who is speaking to you is a high insult, one that is tantamount to severing relations. For that very reason, it is not something you should strain to see when it was not intended. Why would someone insult you at work but then later greet you at the store?

You can always repeat a greeting to make sure the person heard, but Miss Manners cautions that with more casual acquaintances, it may be wiser to overlook such slights.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teetotaler. My husband and most of our friends are avid connoisseurs of wine and spirits. Normally, this is not a problem, as I can politely excuse myself from any events that are primarily about appreciating alcohol.

But an etiquette issue sometimes arises when we’re hosting dinner at our place. The first couple of hours generally go well, with good conversation and enjoyment of food and company. At some point, however, the gathering evolves from a dinner party into a drinking session.

By this I mean that after the meal is over, the guests continue to sit around the table drinking, their cups refilled by my husband. Eventually, the conversation becomes more animated than I can keep up with, as voices get a bit louder and arguments a little muddled. This can continue for a few hours.

Everyone is having a good time, no one has to drive themselves home, and I am happy for my guests to enjoy themselves. I don’t want to put a stop to the fun, even though it has left me behind.

But what I would like to do is excuse myself from the table when this happens and get started on my dishes. Is there a graceful way to accomplish this without implying that the party is over?

GENTLE READER: Curiously, the alcohol is clouding everyone’s judgment in this case -- even yours, and you are not partaking.

As a host, you cannot properly leave your own party, even though Miss Manners understands both that it has become a bore for you and that the guests are unlikely to notice your absence.

The solution is to manage the time, as well as the quantity of alcohol consumed. After all, you did not keep serving the pot roast until the guests begged for mercy. So at some point, stop pouring wine and offer coffee instead. Even if your guests are not grateful in the moment, they will be so the next morning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s cousin and her husband live a few miles away from us. While their parents were fairly close when the cousins were growing up, the cousins themselves didn’t maintain contact once they became adults.

I enjoy sending greeting cards for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and so on, and this cousin is on my list. We’re also friends on social media.

She messages me and suggests that we get together for lunch sometime, but offers no specific details. I then propose a date, time and place, which she agrees to, but always cancels on the day of the meeting.

I’ve come to expect this and don’t think much of it, but it upsets my husband. Should I continue making suggestions even though I know they will likely be canceled at the last minute?

GENTLE READER: Next time the cousin proposes a get-together, give an equally vague response: “That would be great.” Breaking the pattern may or may not change her behavior, but it will give everyone something new to think about.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very long time ago, my husband and I were invited to dinner at a restaurant by a colleague of his. I had not met the colleague or his wife prior to the dinner.

The men promised they wouldn’t talk shop, but they did -- throughout the entire meal. There was no inclusion of us women. I tried to initiate a conversation with the wife, and she shut me down immediately with something along the lines of, "I’d rather listen to what the men are talking about."

Gobsmacked, I just shrank back in the seat and ate my dinner. As my husband and I were leaving, I told him what had happened and he (rightfully) said that we’d never do that again.

I should have gotten over this by now, but I fantasize about having left the table in some way. What should I have done? I didn’t want to be rude myself.

GENTLE READER: Are you talking about a very, VERY long time ago? Because Miss Manners remembers those days -- when wives, if invited at all, were treated as table decorations to be talked around.

But didn’t we have a successful rebellion against that?

Apparently not successful enough, if it is now a wife who treats her guest like that. She need only have said, apologetically, “Sorry, I’m listening to them.”

There is no need for you to fantasize about reacting effectively, and yet not rudely, because you already did: first by your silence, and then by your and your husband's resolving never to socialize with them again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a family member who has done well for herself. She and her partner are in their early 50s and never had kids. They have a massive oceanfront home and travel extensively -- and she mentions it in every conversation.

No matter what the topic is, there’s usually a mention of the price of her home, car and other belongings (including whatever she’s wearing), the cost of their latest trip and their salaries. Even just a text wishing her a happy birthday is met with a photo of her oceanfront view and talk of how blessed she is to have such a wonderful home, partner and career.

Another family member, who is financially comfortable but not wealthy, has gently teased her about this bragging, and she just says she’s proud of all she’s achieved.

I’ve had some recent career and financial setbacks, and it’s to the point where I dread talking to her. Is there a polite way to get her to stop talking about how much money she has?

GENTLE READER: Memorize this phrase and repeat it after every brag: “How nice FOR you.” For some reason, Miss Manners finds the emphasis on “for” to be effective, along with the repetition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a quick cough, just a tickle. Do I have to apologize to the people around me? I didn’t do it intentionally. Same with a sneeze.

I could maybe give an “excuse me,” but I’ve heard people say, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I apologize!”

GENTLE READER: The preferred statement is now, "It’s not COVID."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)