DEAR MISS MANNERS: To prevent party guests from driving impaired, I came up with a fun game using a $21 breathalyzer I bought online. I call it “Have I Had Too Many?”

Guests who are at, or even close to, the legal limit get a prize -- a free ride home!

Everything was going great until one guest tested at well over twice the legal limit, but then refused the free ride. He used some pretty strong language, shoved me aside and was almost out the door with his equally impaired plus-one when I said, “Don’t drive or I will be forced to call the cops!”

Well, he did, I did, and he was arrested.

Needless to say, it ruined the evening. A couple of guests left saying that I overreacted, as he is an adult and appeared fine.

Miss Manners, what should I have said or done differently? My guests know that I take this seriously, as I was the victim of a head-on crash by an impaired driver. The crash caused me to undergo many surgeries.

I know many people must face this challenge -- guests who insist on driving when they really shouldn’t.

GENTLE READER: Interesting approach. And Miss Manners is using “interesting” in the same off-dictionary way you appear to use “fun.”

Whatever you wanted people to think, your game framed drunk driving as a joke. And if you have an explanation about why that was not your intent, remember that it would have to be understood by people you know to be alcohol-impaired.

In future, let’s exercise better judgment: You could limit the amount of alcohol you serve. If you see a guest who worries you, you could involve another guest who lives nearby to help get the impaired one home safely. (And that person will be far more helpful if they are not distracted by worrying about what you are going to do next.)

And of course, if this is a truly unmanageable problem in your circle of friends, you should not be serving alcohol at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like unusual people -- eccentrics, scapegoats, difficult people. I always have. In the rare event that someone mistreats me, I distance myself; otherwise, I remain friends with almost everyone, despite our differences. I will not take part in the bullying culture of, “I don’t like that person, therefore you shouldn’t, either.”

Some people have asked me, “Why are you still friends with her?” Not only can love not always be explained, but my friendships are my business alone.

How can I politely respond to these people without explaining or justifying those friendships? (Ironically, some of them happen to be members of that loose, unliked group.) I do not want to alienate anyone.

GENTLE READER: By not explaining or justifying the friendship. The first three times you answer, “Because I like her,” do it with a shrug and a disarming smile. If that is not enough to bore your questioner into dropping it, the next three repetitions can be said with gradually mounting irritation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on handkerchiefs? I prefer them to tissues.

I have seen brides, at weddings that cost thousands of dollars, crying into wadded-up tissues. If they really find it so disgusting to reuse a soiled handkerchief, they could invest a few dollars in a multi-pack and get a fresh one each time. Also, I believe that it is better for the environment.

GENTLE READER: Why would anyone prefer a flimsy piece of paper to an all-purpose little cloth for mopping up life’s frequent spills, including those from noses?

Miss Manners suspects it is the fussy name and the embellishments -- such as embroidery, floral motifs and monograms -- that condemn handkerchiefs as frivolous.

So yes, she loves them. Remind her to give large lacy ones to prospective brides who are known to be emotional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two teachers at the school where I teach had babies. The school had separate baby showers for each of them, and I gave a gift at each shower.

Neither one has offered any thanks to any of us for the gifts they received. I’m rather surprised. Is this the norm these days?

GENTLE READER: As you are a teacher, you probably subscribe to the idea that normal behavior -- which is to say, that behavior in which many people indulge -- could stand improvement.

That ingratitude is common does not make it acceptable. Nor is being busy an excuse you would accept from students who didn’t turn in their assignments.

But Miss Manners presumes that you are also familiar with failure to complete a task. Are you sure that each of the packages included a securely fastened card identifying the donor?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many of my soon-to-be in-laws are upset that we don’t have a wedding registry, and also that they don’t have my phone number to complain.

Nobody bothers my fiance, but his mother, "Noreen," gets a lot of calls from the extended family. I’ve given my blessing for her to share the truth: We are putting together photo walls in the front hallway of our home, and will happily include anyone who sends us pictures.

Even this highly personal gift idea isn’t cutting it, and Noreen is getting frazzled as the date draws nigh. Directing relatives to my fiance’s phone number isn’t working.

I’m tempted to make a registry that is all socks to be donated to a charity, but that would probably just make things worse for Noreen. Please talk me down.

GENTLE READER: Presumably you know that Miss Manners has long been railing exhaustively -- and ineffectually -- against the custom of giving one’s shopping list to guests.

Nevertheless, when she calms down, she realizes that there really are people who would like to please celebrants and yet don’t know them well enough to know how. To make that palatable, it should be done indirectly and in general terms.

What your fiance’s mother needs is such an answer to the relatives: “They love kitchen gadgets,” “Their house is in tones of blue and gray” or “They travel a lot.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I remember growing up, when we had visitors who were new to our house, my mother would give them the "grand tour." I now do that with all of my first-time visitors.

I have, however, noticed that nobody else does this when I am a first-time visitor -- making my initial query about the bathroom a little awkward.

Did people stop showing their houses? Should I just begin and end the tour with “Here’s the bathroom”?

GENTLE READER: Unless you live in a historic property, are throwing a housewarming party or are orienting a houseguest, Miss Manners is afraid that tours smack of showing off.

Apologies to your mother, who doubtless meant only to adjust guests to their surroundings. But after all, what can touring guests do but deliver constant compliments while wondering when they are going to be fed?

You have, at least, been offering drinks before the tour, haven’t you? And not refrained from doing so because they might be spilled on your bedspread?

Even the location of the bathroom can be on a need-to-know basis. Few adults are too shy to ask, and should not even have to spell out such a request, as an inquisitive look to the host should be interpreted as such.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son hosted a small gathering of family and close friends at a local restaurant in honor of my retirement.

One of the guests stated that she would be returning from a birthday celebration that same day, and asked if it would be OK to bring her father and her spouse. My son, knowing that I have known the guest’s father for decades and would enjoy seeing him, told her this would be fine.

The guest later RSVP’d that she would not be bringing her father, but instead would be bringing one of her siblings and her adult daughter in addition to her spouse. My son did not know how to address this. All four of them attended the meal and were treated by my son, even though the original invitation was for two people.

Am I incorrect to think that she should have asked if additional uninvited people could attend? Should she at least have offered to cover their meal costs?

GENTLE READER: Ah, the old bait-and-switch maneuver. It is often used socially, especially at weddings.

Miss Manners believes this arises from two assumptions.

One assumption is that private hosts, like restaurants, count places, without much interest in who occupies them. So if your partner was invited but could not attend, that is an open spot you can use.

The second assumption is that single guests should be deputized to bring whomever they want. This is not the same as adding serious partners or needed caretakers for invited guests. Rather, it is the anonymous “and guest,” whose name is not important.

Thus, hosts end up sharing personal occasions with people who have no personal relationship to them. And guests offering to cover the cost of what they eat only treats it as a commercial proposition.

So no, the guest should not have asked, and the host should not have agreed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)