DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on handkerchiefs? I prefer them to tissues.

I have seen brides, at weddings that cost thousands of dollars, crying into wadded-up tissues. If they really find it so disgusting to reuse a soiled handkerchief, they could invest a few dollars in a multi-pack and get a fresh one each time. Also, I believe that it is better for the environment.

GENTLE READER: Why would anyone prefer a flimsy piece of paper to an all-purpose little cloth for mopping up life’s frequent spills, including those from noses?

Miss Manners suspects it is the fussy name and the embellishments -- such as embroidery, floral motifs and monograms -- that condemn handkerchiefs as frivolous.

So yes, she loves them. Remind her to give large lacy ones to prospective brides who are known to be emotional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two teachers at the school where I teach had babies. The school had separate baby showers for each of them, and I gave a gift at each shower.

Neither one has offered any thanks to any of us for the gifts they received. I’m rather surprised. Is this the norm these days?

GENTLE READER: As you are a teacher, you probably subscribe to the idea that normal behavior -- which is to say, that behavior in which many people indulge -- could stand improvement.

That ingratitude is common does not make it acceptable. Nor is being busy an excuse you would accept from students who didn’t turn in their assignments.

But Miss Manners presumes that you are also familiar with failure to complete a task. Are you sure that each of the packages included a securely fastened card identifying the donor?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many of my soon-to-be in-laws are upset that we don’t have a wedding registry, and also that they don’t have my phone number to complain.

Nobody bothers my fiance, but his mother, "Noreen," gets a lot of calls from the extended family. I’ve given my blessing for her to share the truth: We are putting together photo walls in the front hallway of our home, and will happily include anyone who sends us pictures.

Even this highly personal gift idea isn’t cutting it, and Noreen is getting frazzled as the date draws nigh. Directing relatives to my fiance’s phone number isn’t working.

I’m tempted to make a registry that is all socks to be donated to a charity, but that would probably just make things worse for Noreen. Please talk me down.

GENTLE READER: Presumably you know that Miss Manners has long been railing exhaustively -- and ineffectually -- against the custom of giving one’s shopping list to guests.

Nevertheless, when she calms down, she realizes that there really are people who would like to please celebrants and yet don’t know them well enough to know how. To make that palatable, it should be done indirectly and in general terms.

What your fiance’s mother needs is such an answer to the relatives: “They love kitchen gadgets,” “Their house is in tones of blue and gray” or “They travel a lot.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I remember growing up, when we had visitors who were new to our house, my mother would give them the "grand tour." I now do that with all of my first-time visitors.

I have, however, noticed that nobody else does this when I am a first-time visitor -- making my initial query about the bathroom a little awkward.

Did people stop showing their houses? Should I just begin and end the tour with “Here’s the bathroom”?

GENTLE READER: Unless you live in a historic property, are throwing a housewarming party or are orienting a houseguest, Miss Manners is afraid that tours smack of showing off.

Apologies to your mother, who doubtless meant only to adjust guests to their surroundings. But after all, what can touring guests do but deliver constant compliments while wondering when they are going to be fed?

You have, at least, been offering drinks before the tour, haven’t you? And not refrained from doing so because they might be spilled on your bedspread?

Even the location of the bathroom can be on a need-to-know basis. Few adults are too shy to ask, and should not even have to spell out such a request, as an inquisitive look to the host should be interpreted as such.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son hosted a small gathering of family and close friends at a local restaurant in honor of my retirement.

One of the guests stated that she would be returning from a birthday celebration that same day, and asked if it would be OK to bring her father and her spouse. My son, knowing that I have known the guest’s father for decades and would enjoy seeing him, told her this would be fine.

The guest later RSVP’d that she would not be bringing her father, but instead would be bringing one of her siblings and her adult daughter in addition to her spouse. My son did not know how to address this. All four of them attended the meal and were treated by my son, even though the original invitation was for two people.

Am I incorrect to think that she should have asked if additional uninvited people could attend? Should she at least have offered to cover their meal costs?

GENTLE READER: Ah, the old bait-and-switch maneuver. It is often used socially, especially at weddings.

Miss Manners believes this arises from two assumptions.

One assumption is that private hosts, like restaurants, count places, without much interest in who occupies them. So if your partner was invited but could not attend, that is an open spot you can use.

The second assumption is that single guests should be deputized to bring whomever they want. This is not the same as adding serious partners or needed caretakers for invited guests. Rather, it is the anonymous “and guest,” whose name is not important.

Thus, hosts end up sharing personal occasions with people who have no personal relationship to them. And guests offering to cover the cost of what they eat only treats it as a commercial proposition.

So no, the guest should not have asked, and the host should not have agreed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m an adult with physical and emotional disabilities, and I live with my caregiver. I have an older friend who is a very sweet person with good intentions, but I feel like she doesn’t really understand my needs.

Among other things, I have a catheter and use a wheelchair. She often says she wants to “take me out on the town” to "get crazy." So far, she’s never followed through with any of these invitations, but every time she brings it up, I feel very uncomfortable.

I absolutely do not want to go anywhere with her! Tonight, when we were out to dinner with my family, she asked me to go somewhere another time. I didn’t know what to do, so I just smiled and said it sounded like fun.

Is there a polite way to decline her invitations so she’ll stop asking me?

GENTLE READER: “Of course, I would love to go out on the town with you. Let’s get crazy!

“So here’s what needs to happen: We have to call Maria, my caregiver, and make sure that she is available. Hopefully she can get a van big enough for the three of us, my wheelchair and my service dog, Chief. Then let’s call the club and make sure they have wheelchair access, both in front and from the parking lot.

“Oh, first, let’s make sure they have a parking lot, since I won’t be able to wheel very far from the van. Of course, we’ll have to go on a night when it’s not too crowded so that the dance floor has clearance for me and Chief to wheel around -- and a wide berth for all my accessories.

“We’ll also want to check that it’s OK for me to bring in my own food and drink ...”

Miss Manners feels certain that you will not have to get much further than the second sentence before your friend realizes what she is asking, starts to panic and retreats. If she does not, you can always say, “I was joking, Meredith. Obviously it’s a little hard for me to be spontaneous, but I enjoy spending time with you. Perhaps we can do that without 'getting crazy.'"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father has moved into an assisted living facility, where residents each have their own rooms or small apartments. Some leave their doors open to the hallway, and I wonder if it’s appropriate to greet them when passing by their rooms as I visit my father.

They might appreciate a cheery "hello" or a wave from the hallway, but would that be intruding on their privacy? If I walk by with my eyes averted, am I sending a message that their presence is not important? What would Miss Manners recommend?

GENTLE READER: Is there an option between gawking at these tenants as you pass by and fervently looking away as though they were inmates who committed a crime?

Miss Manners suggests you try spontaneity and not overthink the situation. If you happen to make eye contact, a shy, endearing smile is fine. But if they do not return your gaze, keep it moving.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)