DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is graduating with honors from a very selective university. My husband wants to invite family from both sides to attend, which would require everyone to travel out of state to a very expensive city.

Initially, we were going to host a nice party after the ceremony. Now it’s completely off, due to volatility in my husband's job. He still wants to invite everyone, but let them know we can’t house them or provide any celebration outside of the graduation ceremony.

I think this is incredibly ill-mannered, and that we should just have our immediate family there. I find it offensive to ask family members to pay for airfare, expensive hotels and food while we provide nothing. Some relatives would likely invite us to eat at a nice restaurant, at their expense, to celebrate. They can afford this, but it’s not their place.

Through the years, we have known some of our relatives to look down on us. I feel horrible; I’m not trying to make my husband’s life harder, or most importantly, disappoint my son. He already expressed his desire to have a big party, and now we have to tell him it’s off.

GENTLE READER: Here is another argument against inviting the extended family to a graduation: Graduation ceremonies can be meaningful to the graduates and their immediate families, but you will perhaps forgive Miss Manners for saying that they are not sources of general entertainment. Even if there are mesmerizing speakers, which is not always the case, most of the ritual consists of watching strangers walk across a stage.

When issuing invitations, one is supposed to consider the possible enjoyment one is offering the prospective guests. In this case, it is so minimal that anyone without a deep emotional attachment to your son would be foolish to accept.

As for your son himself, surely he is grown-up and intelligent enough to have sympathy for the family’s financial constraints, rather than resentment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 37-year-old woman who has never been engaged, married or had children. I’ll be graduating soon, and am not sure which title, Miss or Ms., to use for my graduation announcements.

I’d like to use Ms., but what exactly does it stand for? Please let me know which is most appropriate.

GENTLE READER: It stands for "Ms." It is so useful that Miss (sic) Manners cannot understand the prejudice some people have against it.

A small history lesson: Centuries ago, the all-purpose female honorific was Mistress, and it was as devoid of marital status as Mister. So those who object to Ms. being too new a term are quite wrong.

Mistress was abbreviated as Ms. It was only later that the word acquired separate versions -- Miss and Mrs. -- to denote marital status. A bad idea.

Worse, the term “mistress” picked up a less-than-respectable meaning. Female designations tend to do that, while male ones do not -- "sir" as opposed to "madam," for example. Hostility to Ms. seems an example of that prejudice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child’s school is having a staff appreciation week, which isn’t a bad idea, given the effort they put in and how they enhance our kids’ lives. What strikes me as extremely gauche, however, is that it’s organized and run by the school, while asking parents to contribute.

This seems like the kind of thing that parents should organize if they want to, rather than being pressured into it by the school. If the administration wants to do it themselves, then they should fund it. Instead, here is what we are told to do:

First day: Send kind words/thanks.

Second day: Send sugary treats.

Third day: Buy something from their wish lists.

Fourth day: Staff get a special Mexican luncheon while parents cover classroom duties. (Keep in mind, students have been trying for months to get the quality of food in the cafeteria improved, while the staff claims there is no need.)

Fifth day: Send a teacher’s favorite snacks and drinks to stock their fridge.

It comes across like, “Hey, aren’t we great? Buy us stuff and tell us how great we are!” And they send reminders EVERY DAY. Tacky.

Do teachers and school staff deserve nice things? Yep. But this is not the way to go about it, in my opinion.

GENTLE READER: Then why haven’t you organized the parents to show your appreciation for the staff in a proper fashion?

You needn’t do it with sugary treats -- or, for that matter, useless apple-themed objects. Letters of thanks, by all means. Bonuses, if possible. And assistance in procuring whatever school supplies the staff needs.

But you should also learn from your distaste about the reminders: Alert other parents, but do not pressure them. Miss Manners cautions you that you do not know their financial situations, even if you think you do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a relative over the winter. While in my home, she complained about my furniture being uncomfortable, and wanted me to purchase at least a few pieces in which she could sit comfortably.

There were many ways in which I accommodated her. For instance, she complained the mattress was uncomfortable, so I purchased a foam pad to add to the mattress. She complained the bedroom was too hot, so I purchased a table fan for her. She particularly complained about the dining room chairs during meals, but I did not think a larger chair would have worked at the table. (I have a very small eating area.)

Was I wrong for refusing to purchase additional furniture for her?

GENTLE READER: Instead of buying her a house she might like better?

Miss Manners need not be reminded that one should make one’s guests comfortable. But there are limits. And there is an equal obligation for houseguests to do their best to put up with what they find.

You would have been justified in apologizing that you were unable to adjust your entire house to make her comfortable, and to offer to identify a hotel that could do so for the rest of her stay.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving a steak, the server will often say something along the lines of, “Please cut into the center to make sure it’s cooked the way you want it.”

At a business dinner of around 20 people, I was rather rudely corrected for doing so by someone who thought I was about to commence eating before everyone’s entree had been served.

Should I have waited until everyone was served to check my steak, even though I wasn’t eating yet? When a large group is dining in a restaurant, what is the proper protocol for checking the doneness of meat?

On other occasions, when a server has given that invitation, I always cut into the center of the steak immediately, without taking a bite of it, before eating anything else on the plate. In a smaller party when everyone’s food is served at once, it’s a nonissue.

GENTLE READER: Ah, the old, “I wasn’t starting my dinner, I was just trying it.” The optics do not really distinguish between the two. It does feel unfair, Miss Manners agrees, when the servers are coercing you into the act.

But since the few minutes’ difference between cutting your meat immediately and waiting until everyone is served is not likely to change the solution, why risk being rude to others?

Miss Manners will approach the situation from both ends, so to speak: She will urge servers to stop the practice, instead serving a steak with, “After you have had a moment to try it, please let us know ...”

But if they insist on your doing so immediately, politely tell them, “Thank you. I will let you know once everyone is served and I’ve had a chance to try it.” Since so many readers complain about overattentive servers, the wait should not be long.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I tend to cover my mouth when I talk, especially in public places. The main reason is so that my voice is lower and won’t bother people around me.

I thought I was being considerate, but my husband says that it looks weird. Is he right?

GENTLE READER: He sure is. It looks like you’re telling a secret to yourself.

Miss Manners has seen people who want to talk through a mouthful of food cover their mouths like this, but not those trying to modulate their voices.

Is lowering your volume just too obvious? Because it is certainly more intelligible and less confusing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am caring for a loved one with stage 4 cancer. She has a life expectancy of a few months -- maybe only weeks.

I have some well-meaning friends who feel that it’s helpful to send me poppycock they find on social media on quick "cures" for cancer. These messages are like a body blow, and they leave me angry and in tears.

I usually reply with a simple “thank you.” Is there another way of responding? Or should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but I assure you that the doctors are doing everything they can. I will let you know if we require any additional internet assistance.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)