DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes people enthusiastically tell me something they think I don’t know, particularly about my areas of expertise. Saying "I already knew that" sounds condescending. Pretending I didn’t know, and saying something like “That’s interesting,” seems passive-aggressive.

I have been accused of competing in the first case and lying by omission in the second. Could you please recommend a polite and kind way to respond?

GENTLE READER: This is a case for the improv convention of “yes and.”

You listen politely and take it from there -- elaborating on the subject, skipping the responses you have tried in the past.

Miss Manners will not object if your taking up the conversation shows that you know far more about the subject than the person who began it -- perhaps even more than they are capable of understanding.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was hospitalized for 17 days due to complications from a cancer-related surgery. During that time, my sister drove 80 miles a day to see me. She was very kind and patient.

Since then, I have recovered, and I now live in an assisted living facility. My sister has become overbearing: lecturing me on what I eat, how I keep my room, how I take care of my diabetes, on and on. I’ve told her that it makes me feel bad, but nothing has changed. Finally, I told her that my only problem was her picking on me.

I have to see her because she brings my medications; otherwise, I would go no-contact. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

GENTLE READER: You do know, don’t you, that your sister is consumed with worry about you and is frantic to help?

Not that her nagging helps. Miss Manners understands how exasperating it is. But to expel your sister from your life would be a cruel response to her concern for you, and the useful services she renders you.

Asking frankly that she stop nagging hasn’t helped, either, although it might have if you had asked more gently. We will have to try a sneakier method, but it depends on your not reacting to provocation. Can you manage that?

She says, "You shouldn’t be eating that," and you say, “You’re so nice to come out in this weather.” She says, “This room is a mess,” and you say, “Did you have trouble parking?”

Or you just close your eyes, wait a beat or two, and then say, “Oops, I must have dozed off.”

Of course, your sister may report to the staff that you seem to be wandering mentally. So you might take the precaution of mentioning to the staff, gently and amusedly, that your sister is afraid you are not paying sufficient attention to her affectionate nagging.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think the phrase “I appreciate you” is a poor substitute for “Thank you”?

The phrase seems phony. I would rather be thanked than be told that I am appreciated! What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That it is churlish to deprecate politeness. There is little enough of it going around.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in my office when I got an urge to go to the bathroom. I hate to do this at work, because I work in a converted townhouse where the bathrooms are just one toilet and one sink, like in a house. But I had no choice.

I was sitting in there when I heard my boss outside the door: “Kaitlin, are you in there?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Mr. Warren is on the phone.” (Well, obviously I couldn’t talk to a client from THAT position. Imagine if I'd had to get up to check my desk calendar!)

“Please ask the gentleman to call back.”

“How long are you going to be in there?”

“Hard to say.”

Then a colleague walked by and started talking to our boss, still standing outside the door. It was like a staff meeting, except that I had other business to do. I just prayed they did not hear anything.

What should I do about this?

GENTLE READER: Find a more observant and discreet boss.

Barring that, Miss Manners suggests that weeks from now, when everyone has forgotten about this particular incident, you bring it up in a meeting:

"Just a quick reminder. Since we are in fairly close quarters around here, I would suggest that if we are indisposed and in the bathroom, we not engage in business."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please publish a few short words on presenting a proper toast?

Among millennials and Gen Z, the word “cheers” has become both a noun and a verb: I have heard “Let’s cheers to this” and “Can we do a cheers?” Watching young people do this, e.g. on reality TV, is cringeworthy.

In celebration, “cheers” should be an exclamation: “I’d like to propose a toast: Here’s to teaching young people manners and etiquette.” Then everyone raises a glass and exclaims, “Cheers!”

GENTLE READER: While she is always up for a good grammatical fight, Miss Manners still considers this a pretty minor infraction. If you take off the “s,” “cheers” becomes "cheer," which is both a noun and a verb. She suggests that you pretend not to hear the “s” (or the "a" in "a cheers") to spare yourself the cringe.

That young people are engaging in any formalities and celebrating one another at all is praiseworthy. To that, she will propose her own preferred toast: the Italian “Cin cin.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I carry all of my weight in my belly. Since I’ve been 18, I’ve had to deal with people asking when I’m due or whether it’s a boy or a girl. It always makes me feel fat and unattractive.

I always tell them I’m not pregnant, just fat. Then they’re terribly embarrassed, and I find myself managing their emotions and trying to make THEM feel better.

What can I say instead?

GENTLE READER: Just a tight-lipped, “Is who a boy or a girl?”

Self-deprecation is not necessary. Nor, Miss Manners uncharacteristically assures you, is making thoughtless strangers feel better.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few old friends scattered around the country who will only talk on the phone if they’re actively doing something else. This leads to a variety of acoustic challenges: wind or traffic noise, transactions with shopkeepers, dishes banging, etc.

One of my oldest friends even says, when I call, “Wait, I’ll put on my headset and go walking.” The call instantly deteriorates in sound quality. When I complained that it was taxing to always have to discern background clatter from her words, she protested, “Well, I can’t just TALK to you!”

I am guilty of this, too -- I once found myself playing chess online while speaking to my mother -- but I do sometimes wish there was a way around this modern habit of constant multitasking.

I should add that it seems odd and unfriendly to require all parties to give me their full attention while I speak to them.

GENTLE READER: Yes, we are all guilty of this. Well, almost all. And yes, some are better at disguising it than others.

But phone calls that sound like they are coming from a wind tunnel -- or worse, ones that are interrupted by screams of “You CHOWDER-HEADED FLAPDOODLE! No, not you. I was talking to this KNOW-NOTHING!” -- are not the successful examples of multitasking they think they are.

Miss Manners suggests that if it becomes too distracting, you offer to call back or meet up in person. Preferably indoors and away from traffic.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I bought a drink at a coffee shop that came to $4.22 with tax. I was presented with three tip options: $1, $2 or $3 -- 25%, 50% or 75%, respectively.

Since there weren’t any seats left in the shop, and therefore I was taking my coffee to go (thus reducing the need to clean off a table or deal with my presence in the store), I tipped $1 (25%).

The barista glared at me as though I’d insulted her, and looked like she’d been slapped in the face.

What am I missing? I realize coffee shop workers aren’t rich, but my job doesn’t pay extravagant wages, either. I tip more when I consume my drink in the shop, or when I pose some kind of inconvenience to the staff.

GENTLE READER: When it comes to tipping, which is supposed to be a compliment, it is almost impossible not to insult someone somehow.

Miss Manners once found herself giving offense by tipping a hotel worker for storing her luggage. It seems that he was a manager, and thus above accepting tips -- a stance she admires but rarely encounters.

The tip Miss Manners will give you is to tip in cash. Doing it electronically, and in full view of the other party, is designed to shame the customer into being more generous than intended. Better not to fall for it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been riding to the gym with a person twice a week, but I want to stop because I am not enjoying being with her. What is a good way to let her know without hurt feelings?

GENTLE READER: “I have to change the days that I work out.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)