DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into an unexpected soup situation.

My sister flew cross-country to visit my mom and me, and my mom spent hours making a delicious soup so my sister would have a hot meal ready when she arrived. My mom is a great cook.

Unfortunately, as we all sat down to eat, we noticed that a small brush, used for cleaning bottle parts, had fallen into the soup and had possibly cooked with it for a while. My sister and I were pretty put off, but we could tell my mom would be heartbroken if we refused to eat it.

What should we have done?

GENTLE READER: Immediate family rules about sanitary conditions around food may be marginally less strict by mutual consent, but consent is still key.

As there were two of you, you and your sister could have resorted to any distraction and deception techniques you may have worked out when you were young. Such as one of you declaring how great the soup was while the other whisks it to the kitchen before your mother could check the bowls.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a cruise to Alaska, my husband, my 24-year-old daughter and I decided to splurge for a helicopter ride to see a glacier. We rode to the glacier with a couple in their 70s and their young grandchild.

We were given very strict safety instructions on how to walk out to the helicopter, how to enter, and who sits where to balance the load.

The grandma decided to stop and pull out her phone to take a photo just before entering the chopper. The instructor tried to get her to board, but it was very loud, so my daughter, who was next in line to enter, tapped her shoulder to alert her.

She got very upset and said that my daughter hit her on purpose. We all apologized profusely, but she would not let it go, and in fact proceeded to tell all the other people that my daughter shoved her.

In fact, my daughter did no such thing.

How does one deal with this situation? We now had to spend time on a glacier with a group of chilly people who heard that my daughter was a snow monster.

GENTLE READER: It was simple politeness on your part to assume that this was an honest misunderstanding, and to act on that assumption by apologizing.

But if you are thinking there were only two possible responses to the grandmother's subsequent rudeness -- a rude counter-retort or meek impotence -- you would be mistaken.

The grandmother's behavior was outrageous: She publicly -- and untruthfully -- accused your daughter of accosting her. The polite response to such behavior is the cold shoulder -- precisely what the grandmother did to you, minus the pointing finger.

The more rational and polite you are (though clearly offended at the suggestion of wrongdoing), and the more your nemesis resorts to whipping herself into a frenzy of finger-pointing and accusations, the more everyone else on the tour will conclude that yours is the more credible story -- and also that your company is more pleasant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The office where I work has about 20 people, half working in person and half remote. A young woman early in her career, who works remotely and is on several of the regular video calls I attend each week, is friendly and goes out of her way to say nice things to people. She is always the first to notice a new haircut or pair of glasses.

I see that she values these types of compliments, and I try to reciprocate. The issue is that this person dresses wildly -- far outside the company dress code, with truly bizarre outfits and hair and makeup combinations that constantly catch me off guard. Think fuzzy bunny costumes with long floppy ears, dramatic eyeshadow, tops made from repurposed straitjackets, and so on.

I’m not her supervisor, and it’s not my job to critique her style, but these sartorial choices are going to hold her back if she stays in our field. I don’t want to encourage it (“Cool bunny ears!”), but am having a hard time thinking of appropriate, complimentary things to say in the moment.

GENTLE READER: We agree that it is not your job to critique her clothing choices. Why, then, would you think it is your job to praise them?

It is immaterial whether the meeting is remote or in person -- or, for that matter, whether "in-person" would be the right way to describe someone arriving at the office in a bunny costume.

This is supposed to be a place of work. Wish her a good morning and get on with the meeting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child’s choir held a concert at a large, historic church. I arrived early and took a seat on the center aisle, where I would have the best view of the singers.

A short time later, an older couple arrived and asked to share my pew. I stood up to allow them to enter. The gentleman indicated that I should go ahead of them, to which I replied that I would like to stay on the aisle. They seemed taken aback and walked off to find other seats.

Does etiquette dictate that those arriving first to an event held in a church must always move to the middle of the pew? Or, as I thought, is it equally polite to stand and allow others to enter?

GENTLE READER: You acted politely within the facts you describe. But before anyone condemns the elderly couple, Miss Manners will also commend you on a second point: not tackling them in the aisle.

Perhaps they are regular parishioners who sit in these seats every Sunday and had, mistakenly, come to think of them as theirs. Perhaps they have a disability issue and therefore wanted you to move aside -- but omitted the necessary politeness of asking you to do so.

If either of these things had been true, your staying put would still not have been impolite. But perhaps their surprise at your refusal to relocate would not have rankled as much, had you known their reasons for asking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do people say “How do you do?” anymore when being introduced to someone? The phrase seems to have faded away.

If it is no longer used, what should I say when being introduced to someone new?

GENTLE READER: You are right about this convention’s having fallen into disuse.

It tended to confuse people because it seemed to be a question, was nevertheless pronounced as if it were a statement, and the correct response was not to say how one was, but to repeat the remark.

So probably not worth saving.

That makes your question a crucial one: What should one say?

A common answer is “Pleased to meet you.” Very few seem to remember, or care, how declasse that phrase was once considered. (It still is in England, where there was national sneering when Carole Middleton, mother of the current Princess of Wales, said it upon first meeting Queen Elizabeth.)

The rationale for objecting to this phrase is that one cannot know, when meeting a stranger, whether or not it will be pleasant. This is similar to the objection that “How do you do?” does not really ask how anyone does.

Perhaps we should not be subjecting mere conventions to such analysis.

Meanwhile, for lack of a better solution, Miss Manners continues to puzzle people by saying “How do you do?” when meeting someone. In letter salutations, the “Hi” that has been replacing the conventional “Dear” ("Dear" being yet another victim of such analysis) is too cheeky for her.

Just “Hello”?

Maybe.

But she is hoping a Gentle Reader will come up with a better solution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My Daddy passed during COVID. I have two great-uncles, and my Daddy has three brothers who are still with us. The oldest brother has done a lot for me, both now and before I lost both of my parents.

I’ve been seeing a man for a few years now, and he has asked me to marry him. I told him yes, but that he has to meet my Daddy’s family and spend time with them and see if he feels the same after that. He said OK.

Which of my uncles or great-uncles should he talk to, and who walks me down the aisle?

GENTLE READER: Whomever you want, and as many of them as you like.

As so many brides fail to understand, the idea is not to cast a role, but to reflect a relationship. The oldest uncle seems a good choice, as he has done a lot for you, and also because he might now be considered the head of the family.

But as you are obviously so close to your father’s family, Miss Manners would find it charming if you included all of them. A suitor who is willing to face such a group (although they are likely to be well-disposed) should be a valuable addition to the family. And while your wedding guests would be amused to see multiple devoted escorts on the aisle, they should also find it very touching.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)