DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a communication issue with my nieces and nephews, who are about to be college-age. They are my brother-in-law's kids. Their grandmother (my partner's mother) feeds them an inventory of our possessions, encouraging them to ask us for these items.

She has suggested that the nieces and nephews beg for my jewelry and musical instruments -- while I’m still using and enjoying them. For example, the kids asked for my jewelry and made it clear they wanted GOLD, so I told them I only have costume jewelry and some plated gold. They said "Ewww!" and ran back to tell Grandma, “She only has PLATED gold! Ugghhhh.”

Her son and I are a childless couple, which seems to have invited this “finders-keepers” attitude of hers. She assumes that these items will be available to anyone, since we don't have kids. (I have siblings on my side of the family, but she doesn't know them.)

Maybe I should tell the kids I pawned the instruments. Is there a good way to teach discretion to teens in a situation like this?

The larger issue is that they are too willing to act on Grandma’s lower instincts to grab valuables from the less-favored couple and hand resources to the "golden children" of the family.

GENTLE READER: Whether Grandma is the scout on these would-be heists strikes Miss Manners as beside the point: A 17-year-old is old enough to know that demanding that someone hand over their jewelry is not something polite people do (except in watch repair shops).

Trying to convince these teens that the goods are not worth stealing seems tantamount to giving up. Better to look slightly scandalized at the next request, and say, with a slightly patronizing smile, “Well, I’m still playing this guitar; surely you are not looking forward to my death.”

If the grandmother brings it up directly, you can say, “I’m sure you’ll leave them well provided for, so they shouldn’t be told to expect anything from me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a friendly, but introverted, person. I enjoy the company of others in very small doses.

After living in the woods for well over a decade, I agreed to move to a suburban community to nurture my husband’s extrovert nature. The houses are very close together, so there is no real privacy when outside.

I am happy to meet new people and develop friendships, but I would like to politely establish boundaries. For example, I don’t want to be expected to chat with my neighbors over the backyard fence. I would like to keep that space for myself.

Do you have any advice on how I may tactfully set boundaries without turning people off? I don’t want to say anything that may close doors for my husband, but I also want some space to recharge without hiding in my basement.

GENTLE READER: Raise the fence, and lower your gaze when passing it. If you get caught, look distracted, apologize, and say pleasantly that you are so sorry you cannot stop to talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy socializing with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often get together for social events.

Recently, a few of the ladies discussed how much fun they had had boating, and it was obvious half the group hadn’t been invited. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

I think they should keep such texts private. It’s their choice not to include me, but I believe it’s rude to brag.

GENTLE READER: Rude to brag? Isn’t it the national sport?

Social media has sabotaged the tactful rule against mentioning social events to people who were not invited. Miss Manners would caution against posting about parties online, unless to a group restricted to the guests, if she thought she had even the least chance of success.

But she knows that people are not listening. They can’t wait to show off to the world what a fabulous event they hosted (or attended).

So let us work on it from the other end, starting with the acknowledgment that everyone cannot be invited to everything. There are only so many people you can get onto a boat. To be offended, you really should have been systemically excluded on occasions where everyone else in your circle had been invited.

Even then, you may cut ties with these friends, or you may probe to see if you have somehow caused offense. But you should not challenge the hosts’ prerogative of choosing their guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blind and have been since birth. Unlike some people I know, I don’t get offended if people ask me questions or say something about it. I’m comfortable with the way I am, and even make jokes about it myself sometimes.

But sometimes, when people I don't know well say something like “Good to see you,” the conversation becomes awkward because they think I must be offended by that.

For one thing, it’s just a figure of speech, and for another, I say that to people jokingly all the time.

What do I say to people in these awkward moments when they start apologizing, even though I don’t feel that it’s necessary?

GENTLE READER: “I see what you’re getting at. But I don’t really see it as being offensive.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband recently passed, and I sent thank-you notes to everyone who gave a monetary gift or sent flowers.

Are thank-you notes required to those who attended the wake services? I heard that a friend of a friend was offended at not receiving a thank-you.

GENTLE READER: Really? Someone thought that attending your husband’s wake was a favor to you?

Miss Manners does not want to discourage letters of thanks, which are in short supply. If hosts want to write to thank their guests, she is not going to discourage them. But unlike the ordinary obligation of guests to thank their hosts, it is not necessary.

Any such expectation is particularly ugly in connection with funerary services, where the purpose is to show respect for the deceased and offer comfort to the bereaved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended two touring Broadway shows, and many families were at each performance. For one show, some people wore costumes: Across from me, a child had on a rather large hat the whole time. At the other show, a nearby child sang along, loudly, to every song they knew.

Is it wrong to expect the accompanying adults to teach these children proper audience behavior?

GENTLE READER: “Proper audience behavior” is a topic of hot debate these days.

The silence that both you and Miss Manners prefer dates only from the early 20th century. Before that, audiences treated plays, and even operas, as if they were streaming the entertainments at home. That is to say, they talked and wandered around, paying attention only when something interested them.

Now the expectation of audience participation has spread to both movie and live theaters. That being the case, you would be wise to inquire about the venue's policy before buying tickets to future productions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a casual acquaintance whom I see regularly and have a high opinion of. This individual asked me to donate to a specific charity.

Generally, I would contribute a small amount, but the charity she named has a poor reputation among a great number of my friends, many of whom have the medical condition the charity claims to support.

I don’t want to rain on her parade or discourage the work she feels is important, and I would gladly contribute to another organization.

Is ignoring the request the kindest way to proceed? Is there a polite way to support my acquaintance’s charitable work without donating to this organization, which, in good conscience, I cannot?

GENTLE READER: Wouldn’t that charitable lady want to know about the problems others have had with that organization? As a donor, she might be in a position to look into those complaints and, if found valid, to request that they be addressed.

But it is not necessary to tell her, or even to extract another suggestion from her. When someone asks for a donation, you are not required to oblige. Miss Manners would think it better to give to charities you know to be effective. You can always mention them as an alternative response -- not as a return request, but to show that your philanthropy budget is already committed.

But even that is not required to be polite when responding to a solicitation: “Thank you for telling me about it” is sufficient. And indeed, in cases where you are inclined to give, it would be wise to give yourself that extra time to look into the value of the organization.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)