DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband recently passed, and I sent thank-you notes to everyone who gave a monetary gift or sent flowers.

Are thank-you notes required to those who attended the wake services? I heard that a friend of a friend was offended at not receiving a thank-you.

GENTLE READER: Really? Someone thought that attending your husband’s wake was a favor to you?

Miss Manners does not want to discourage letters of thanks, which are in short supply. If hosts want to write to thank their guests, she is not going to discourage them. But unlike the ordinary obligation of guests to thank their hosts, it is not necessary.

Any such expectation is particularly ugly in connection with funerary services, where the purpose is to show respect for the deceased and offer comfort to the bereaved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy socializing with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often get together for social events.

Recently, a few of the ladies discussed how much fun they had had boating, and it was obvious half the group hadn’t been invited. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

I think they should keep such texts private. It’s their choice not to include me, but I believe it’s rude to brag.

GENTLE READER: Rude to brag? Isn’t it the national sport?

Social media has sabotaged the tactful rule against mentioning social events to people who were not invited. Miss Manners would caution against posting about parties online, unless to a group restricted to the guests, if she thought she had even the least chance of success.

But she knows that people are not listening. They can’t wait to show off to the world what a fabulous event they hosted (or attended).

So let us work on it from the other end, starting with the acknowledgment that everyone cannot be invited to everything. There are only so many people you can get onto a boat. To be offended, you really should have been systemically excluded on occasions where everyone else in your circle had been invited.

Even then, you may cut ties with these friends, or you may probe to see if you have somehow caused offense. But you should not challenge the hosts’ prerogative of choosing their guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blind and have been since birth. Unlike some people I know, I don’t get offended if people ask me questions or say something about it. I’m comfortable with the way I am, and even make jokes about it myself sometimes.

But sometimes, when people I don't know well say something like “Good to see you,” the conversation becomes awkward because they think I must be offended by that.

For one thing, it’s just a figure of speech, and for another, I say that to people jokingly all the time.

What do I say to people in these awkward moments when they start apologizing, even though I don’t feel that it’s necessary?

GENTLE READER: “I see what you’re getting at. But I don’t really see it as being offensive.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended two touring Broadway shows, and many families were at each performance. For one show, some people wore costumes: Across from me, a child had on a rather large hat the whole time. At the other show, a nearby child sang along, loudly, to every song they knew.

Is it wrong to expect the accompanying adults to teach these children proper audience behavior?

GENTLE READER: “Proper audience behavior” is a topic of hot debate these days.

The silence that both you and Miss Manners prefer dates only from the early 20th century. Before that, audiences treated plays, and even operas, as if they were streaming the entertainments at home. That is to say, they talked and wandered around, paying attention only when something interested them.

Now the expectation of audience participation has spread to both movie and live theaters. That being the case, you would be wise to inquire about the venue's policy before buying tickets to future productions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a casual acquaintance whom I see regularly and have a high opinion of. This individual asked me to donate to a specific charity.

Generally, I would contribute a small amount, but the charity she named has a poor reputation among a great number of my friends, many of whom have the medical condition the charity claims to support.

I don’t want to rain on her parade or discourage the work she feels is important, and I would gladly contribute to another organization.

Is ignoring the request the kindest way to proceed? Is there a polite way to support my acquaintance’s charitable work without donating to this organization, which, in good conscience, I cannot?

GENTLE READER: Wouldn’t that charitable lady want to know about the problems others have had with that organization? As a donor, she might be in a position to look into those complaints and, if found valid, to request that they be addressed.

But it is not necessary to tell her, or even to extract another suggestion from her. When someone asks for a donation, you are not required to oblige. Miss Manners would think it better to give to charities you know to be effective. You can always mention them as an alternative response -- not as a return request, but to show that your philanthropy budget is already committed.

But even that is not required to be polite when responding to a solicitation: “Thank you for telling me about it” is sufficient. And indeed, in cases where you are inclined to give, it would be wise to give yourself that extra time to look into the value of the organization.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my boyfriend posted a years-old photo of a bunch of their friends, and she tagged one person as a way of saying "happy birthday" to them.

The photo included my boyfriend and his then-girlfriend. Their breakup was very hard on him, which everyone knows. Everyone also knows he is doing well now, and has been in a relationship with me for three years.

My boyfriend pointed out the photo to me because he didn’t want me to find it on my own and feel badly about it. I was just hoping it didn’t make him too sad.

Was it tacky or thoughtless for his friend to post that photo? For some reason, it really got under my skin.

GENTLE READER: It is gracious of your boyfriend to be worried about your reaction -- and you, his. So while we are being gracious, why not assume that this friend was just being careless and did not intend harm?

Miss Manners suggests you chalk it up to the difficulty of finding nostalgic photos that are also up-to-date on current relationships -- and refrain from letting your anger fester any more than it has already.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his family live four hours away, and visit often with our two grandchildren. One rule I have is no food or drinks in the living room or bedrooms. Growing up, we were never allowed to have food anywhere but on a table.

Their family are big fans of a certain coffee business, and during a recent visit, drinks from this business were brought into their bedroom. The younger child, who is sometimes silly and constantly jumping around, caused a spill on the carpet.

I had his sister and him clean up the mess. I ended up feeling stressed, angry and guilty. My son, on the other hand, just worried that his money and drinks were wasted.

It is a constant struggle when they visit, because the parents allow food and drinks in their rooms at home. They feel that my not allowing this is valuing my furniture over the kids’ comfort. These kids also make their mom sleep on a cot while they take the guest bed. The mom goes along with it and never complains. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Your son cannot have his coffee and his jumping kids, too. If he does not want to waste things, he should have an interest in keeping food and beverages safely at the dining table. You might point out this discrepancy.

But while Miss Manners generally agrees that guests’ comfort takes precedence over rugs and furniture, she has her limits, and they usually apply to children. Just because they want to jump on the furniture and throw things in the house does not mean it should be allowed. A reiteration of that, and your other house rules, is reasonable and warranted.

As for the displacement of your daughter-in-law, that might better be left to their family. You could try saying loudly, “Margo, wouldn’t you prefer to sleep on the bed? I’m sure the kids won’t mind the cot. It will be like sleepaway camp.”

Incidentally, they may soon find out that sleepaway camp has so many rules, they’ll long for the simpler ones at Grandma’s house.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)