DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a group email from a younger family member that included all of the relatives of my generation, and some younger. The subject was a beloved aunt who passed away years ago.

Apparently, this young man had been doing some ancestry research, and sent the family some of his results regarding my aunt. It was filled with police reports and news stories regarding a violent and traumatic experience that my aunt suffered when she was young.

It was devastating to learn of this. Her own children knew nothing of their mother’s experience.

I feel that this was an incredibly intrusive act, and can’t imagine what his motivation was in sharing information that my aunt quite clearly wanted to be kept private. I’ve never responded, and I can’t think of a polite way to do so.

GENTLE READER: This conversation is going to involve correcting the young man’s manners -- something that can only be properly done by a parent or other person with similar standing. Therefore, the first question for you to answer is not "how?" but "who?"

Once you know that, you can then ask that person to speak with him, saying that while you are sure his intentions were good, his actions were thoughtless. As you said, the aunt obviously did not share the information herself because she wanted it kept private. Someone needs to alert him both to what he did and to the fact that, going forward, he needs to be more discreet.

Some follow-up communication, apologizing for his indiscretion, is likely necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a word for a married couple’s parents to call each other?

We all live relatively close to each other and visit semi-regularly. No one I’ve asked has an answer. Maybe you can come up with something. I don’t really want to call them my “out-laws.”

GENTLE READER: Actual names usually work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear neighbor regularly walks their dog on our fairly remote suburban streets, which don't have sidewalks, counter to the recommended method: They walk with traffic rather than facing it. They also walk with earbuds, listening to who knows what, making it difficult to hear traffic coming behind them.

I have gently pointed out that it’s the law, and safer, to walk facing traffic so they can see the cars coming. Their answer is that “the dog tells me when cars are coming.” The dog also walks to their left, into the traffic lane, further endangering the animal.

Yes, motorists are careful when they pass my neighbor on the road, but they also must be nervous that the walker does not fully acknowledge them.

I sincerely care about this person and do not want to see them (or the dog) hurt. How can I impress upon them to follow the rules on walking safely?

GENTLE READER: You have tried. Now you are going to have to hope for the best -- and remember that both etiquette and personal autonomy allow your neighbor to make their own choices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I talk about my preferences for the art I consume without demeaning others’ tastes or seeming like a snob?

For example, many of my friends enjoy superhero movies and cartoons. I do not; I don’t find these movies interesting or original. I recognize, though, that the love my friends have for these big-name franchises is deep!

I don’t want to make my friends feel lesser for their tastes. I also don’t want to feign interest, or say, “I wouldn’t watch that myself, but I’m glad YOU like it!” as both feel condescending.

How can I respectfully discuss art when there are such diverging tastes?

GENTLE READER: Friendship requires reciprocity, so if you are unwilling to listen, at least occasionally, to them talking about the entertainments they enjoy, you will either have to limit your discussions with them to topics of known mutual enthusiasm -- or find other friends.

As a lifelong opera lover, Miss Manners believes that if you can sit through a cartoon or two in exchange for introducing them to the right opera -- one filled with the sex and violence they relish, which shouldn’t be hard to find -- you might find that the art itself is its own best champion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I are big fans of potluck dinners. We provide a substantial main dish, plus sometimes dessert or salad, and enjoy the variety of dishes our guests bring -- sometimes even being left some of their offerings to enjoy later.

Hosting this way also means that those who have special dietary needs, or who are picky eaters, will have food they can eat. They can have what they brought, if nothing else.

This worked great for years, until the day a guest came to me and said there was nothing they could eat. The only food Restricted Diet Person had brought was a tiny salad.

I rummaged around in the freezer to see what I could thaw out on short notice. When I found something, RDP said they’d already had that this week and wanted something else. “This is what I have,” I told RDP, and started thawing the item and cooking some pasta to go with it.

Soon, someone arrived with a dish RDP could eat, so they ate that and not what I had prepared for them.

I told my husband that if this happened again, I’d let him deal with RDP. He’s the one that invites this person, who he feels sorry for because they have no friends. Was there a better way to have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Although it is clear why this person has no friends, you could have feigned a bit more sympathy than you felt.

Miss Manners will call things even -- and agree to proceed with the plan to let your husband deal with your troublesome guest next time -- if you will remind your husband to pick something up for said guest before the next event.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you say to someone who says they were going to give you something, "but ..."?

Two things that have actually happened to me:

1. I came home and my mom said, “By the way, are you hungry? I did cook you some dinner, but I ate it.”

2. I met a friend for lunch and she said, “Did you know I hosted a tea party? I thought about inviting you, but I didn’t.”

In both instances, it would’ve been better if nothing had been said. I would’ve been none the wiser.

In both instances, I said nothing in response. What would Miss Manners have said?

GENTLE READER: "I’m thinking about thanking you, but I probably won’t."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am undergoing chemotherapy treatment. Several times, when asked how I am feeling, I have mentioned some side effects from chemo -- only to be answered with, “Don’t you think that’s just your age?”

These are not symptoms that normally happen as people get older. Why do people feel that they have to offer an alternative explanation as to why someone feels bad?

Another time, while having lunch with friends, I had to get up twice to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the table the second time, one of the people asked me, “Do you have a problem?”

Really! What is wrong with people?

GENTLE READER: No filters, for one thing. People feel they must say something, even to the extent of monitoring one’s number of bathroom trips.

But Miss Manners acknowledges that there is also the less blameworthy impulse to offer comfort -- not just sympathy -- when there is no real comfort to be offered. That is why the afflicted are bombarded with amateur medical advice and bogus silver linings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some relatives and I were told of a baby shower for a distant cousin. No formal invitations were sent; we were invited by word of mouth and received a gift registry link by text message. After that, some of us received an invitation via text, while others did not.

No one in the family really knows the couple, who live out of state. They will not even be present at the shower: We are told they are attending “virtually.” When the couple visited our state several months ago, they did not have time to meet any extended family members, nor attend another baby shower in person at that time.

We feel like this shower is just a tacky gift-grab. Do we have to attend? Do we have to send a gift?

GENTLE READER: Why do you even ask?

Miss Manners finds it curious that people who are presumably inured to scams from strangers are intimidated when it comes to social connections, however tenuous.

Why would you want to give presents to people you hardly know, and who have shown no interest in knowing you? Are you afraid that if you ignore their gift demands, they will turn you over to a collection agency?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)