DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I talk about my preferences for the art I consume without demeaning others’ tastes or seeming like a snob?

For example, many of my friends enjoy superhero movies and cartoons. I do not; I don’t find these movies interesting or original. I recognize, though, that the love my friends have for these big-name franchises is deep!

I don’t want to make my friends feel lesser for their tastes. I also don’t want to feign interest, or say, “I wouldn’t watch that myself, but I’m glad YOU like it!” as both feel condescending.

How can I respectfully discuss art when there are such diverging tastes?

GENTLE READER: Friendship requires reciprocity, so if you are unwilling to listen, at least occasionally, to them talking about the entertainments they enjoy, you will either have to limit your discussions with them to topics of known mutual enthusiasm -- or find other friends.

As a lifelong opera lover, Miss Manners believes that if you can sit through a cartoon or two in exchange for introducing them to the right opera -- one filled with the sex and violence they relish, which shouldn’t be hard to find -- you might find that the art itself is its own best champion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I are big fans of potluck dinners. We provide a substantial main dish, plus sometimes dessert or salad, and enjoy the variety of dishes our guests bring -- sometimes even being left some of their offerings to enjoy later.

Hosting this way also means that those who have special dietary needs, or who are picky eaters, will have food they can eat. They can have what they brought, if nothing else.

This worked great for years, until the day a guest came to me and said there was nothing they could eat. The only food Restricted Diet Person had brought was a tiny salad.

I rummaged around in the freezer to see what I could thaw out on short notice. When I found something, RDP said they’d already had that this week and wanted something else. “This is what I have,” I told RDP, and started thawing the item and cooking some pasta to go with it.

Soon, someone arrived with a dish RDP could eat, so they ate that and not what I had prepared for them.

I told my husband that if this happened again, I’d let him deal with RDP. He’s the one that invites this person, who he feels sorry for because they have no friends. Was there a better way to have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Although it is clear why this person has no friends, you could have feigned a bit more sympathy than you felt.

Miss Manners will call things even -- and agree to proceed with the plan to let your husband deal with your troublesome guest next time -- if you will remind your husband to pick something up for said guest before the next event.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you say to someone who says they were going to give you something, "but ..."?

Two things that have actually happened to me:

1. I came home and my mom said, “By the way, are you hungry? I did cook you some dinner, but I ate it.”

2. I met a friend for lunch and she said, “Did you know I hosted a tea party? I thought about inviting you, but I didn’t.”

In both instances, it would’ve been better if nothing had been said. I would’ve been none the wiser.

In both instances, I said nothing in response. What would Miss Manners have said?

GENTLE READER: "I’m thinking about thanking you, but I probably won’t."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am undergoing chemotherapy treatment. Several times, when asked how I am feeling, I have mentioned some side effects from chemo -- only to be answered with, “Don’t you think that’s just your age?”

These are not symptoms that normally happen as people get older. Why do people feel that they have to offer an alternative explanation as to why someone feels bad?

Another time, while having lunch with friends, I had to get up twice to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the table the second time, one of the people asked me, “Do you have a problem?”

Really! What is wrong with people?

GENTLE READER: No filters, for one thing. People feel they must say something, even to the extent of monitoring one’s number of bathroom trips.

But Miss Manners acknowledges that there is also the less blameworthy impulse to offer comfort -- not just sympathy -- when there is no real comfort to be offered. That is why the afflicted are bombarded with amateur medical advice and bogus silver linings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some relatives and I were told of a baby shower for a distant cousin. No formal invitations were sent; we were invited by word of mouth and received a gift registry link by text message. After that, some of us received an invitation via text, while others did not.

No one in the family really knows the couple, who live out of state. They will not even be present at the shower: We are told they are attending “virtually.” When the couple visited our state several months ago, they did not have time to meet any extended family members, nor attend another baby shower in person at that time.

We feel like this shower is just a tacky gift-grab. Do we have to attend? Do we have to send a gift?

GENTLE READER: Why do you even ask?

Miss Manners finds it curious that people who are presumably inured to scams from strangers are intimidated when it comes to social connections, however tenuous.

Why would you want to give presents to people you hardly know, and who have shown no interest in knowing you? Are you afraid that if you ignore their gift demands, they will turn you over to a collection agency?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate thing to do or say when one’s restaurant order is wrong?

When I had lunch with a group of eight people, the waiter did not write down any of our orders. That was not a good start. He brought me a spicy salad drenched in dressing, when I had asked for the non-spicy salad, dressing on the side. Judging from the looks on my colleagues’ faces, I was not the only one who received the wrong order.

What would have been appropriate to say? I didn’t want to be a whiner. Should I have said, “Oh, dear, I must have gotten someone else’s order. Mine was ...”?

I am certain that writing down the orders would have helped. I simply ate the salad and said nothing.

GENTLE READER: And you are never going back to that restaurant, right?

It is in the interest of restaurants to have dissatisfied customers speak up, so that errors are corrected and they go home happy. In other business transactions, people know that they are entitled to get what they asked for, and not swallow others’ mistakes, so to speak. But they turn all funny and squeamish about restaurants.

However, Miss Manners does not consider this permission to critique the waiter. Perhaps someone in the kitchen was at fault. You should merely state, politely, that you got an incorrect order.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My soon-to-be husband and I are planning our wedding, and are having a disagreement on how to address the invitations. We have agreed to abide by your decision.

He says that because it’s a gay wedding, we don’t have to follow tradition and etiquette.

I say that regardless of whether it’s a gay or straight wedding, our most important role as hosts is to make all of our guests feel welcomed and comfortable, and that includes putting all names on an invitation -- not "John Smith plus one." (Plus-ones are a pet peeve of mine, so I’m not sure if I’m being entirely objective.)

My feeling is that if we’re close enough to invite John to our wedding, and we know he is single, we should call John and ask him if he would prefer to attend the wedding solo and socialize with old (and potentially new) friends, or if there’s anyone special he would like to bring. If it is the latter, we should then address the invitation to them both, so that his date feels welcomed.

GENTLE READER: Seriously? You are contemplating marrying someone who says that manners don’t apply to gay couples? And not just superficial bridal customs -- some of which, Miss Manners acknowledges, have become ridiculous -- but the underlying principle of consideration for others?

At least he is willing to listen to reason. So perhaps there is hope.

The “plus-one” matter is complicated. Established couples must be invited together, but allowing singles to invite their own guests is optional. However, the courtesy of using the names of all prospective guests, rather than treating them as anonymous add-ons, should not be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)