DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate thing to do or say when one’s restaurant order is wrong?

When I had lunch with a group of eight people, the waiter did not write down any of our orders. That was not a good start. He brought me a spicy salad drenched in dressing, when I had asked for the non-spicy salad, dressing on the side. Judging from the looks on my colleagues’ faces, I was not the only one who received the wrong order.

What would have been appropriate to say? I didn’t want to be a whiner. Should I have said, “Oh, dear, I must have gotten someone else’s order. Mine was ...”?

I am certain that writing down the orders would have helped. I simply ate the salad and said nothing.

GENTLE READER: And you are never going back to that restaurant, right?

It is in the interest of restaurants to have dissatisfied customers speak up, so that errors are corrected and they go home happy. In other business transactions, people know that they are entitled to get what they asked for, and not swallow others’ mistakes, so to speak. But they turn all funny and squeamish about restaurants.

However, Miss Manners does not consider this permission to critique the waiter. Perhaps someone in the kitchen was at fault. You should merely state, politely, that you got an incorrect order.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My soon-to-be husband and I are planning our wedding, and are having a disagreement on how to address the invitations. We have agreed to abide by your decision.

He says that because it’s a gay wedding, we don’t have to follow tradition and etiquette.

I say that regardless of whether it’s a gay or straight wedding, our most important role as hosts is to make all of our guests feel welcomed and comfortable, and that includes putting all names on an invitation -- not "John Smith plus one." (Plus-ones are a pet peeve of mine, so I’m not sure if I’m being entirely objective.)

My feeling is that if we’re close enough to invite John to our wedding, and we know he is single, we should call John and ask him if he would prefer to attend the wedding solo and socialize with old (and potentially new) friends, or if there’s anyone special he would like to bring. If it is the latter, we should then address the invitation to them both, so that his date feels welcomed.

GENTLE READER: Seriously? You are contemplating marrying someone who says that manners don’t apply to gay couples? And not just superficial bridal customs -- some of which, Miss Manners acknowledges, have become ridiculous -- but the underlying principle of consideration for others?

At least he is willing to listen to reason. So perhaps there is hope.

The “plus-one” matter is complicated. Established couples must be invited together, but allowing singles to invite their own guests is optional. However, the courtesy of using the names of all prospective guests, rather than treating them as anonymous add-ons, should not be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a serious error when speaking to someone with cancer by referring to people not diagnosed with the disease as “normal” -- as in, “Can normal people get periodically scanned?”

I quickly corrected myself, but I still agonize over it, two weeks later. I don’t know what I was thinking and I’m so embarrassed.

This is a casual acquaintance, and we have loose plans to get together for lunch. How should I address this, if at all?

GENTLE READER: Make those loose plans firm. Then assess the damage at lunch.

If your friend seems chilly or distant, Miss Manners suggests you cautiously bring up the incident and apologize. But if she appears to have forgotten about it, let it go. You will have learned a lesson for next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: People often ask if I am an artist. I think it is because of the offbeat way that I dress: no paint spatters, but oversized glasses, angled haircuts, quirky shoes, etc.

It seems like a way of commenting on my appearance, and I think it is meant to be complimentary. But when I simply say “No,” there is an awkward silence that follows. I don’t want to volunteer what my actual profession is; that invites a lot of other questions, and I don’t think they are really interested in my job. I don’t necessarily want to engage in a whole conversation, but I don’t want to come across as rude, either.

What would be a polite and friendly response?

GENTLE READER: Rarely one to seek out offense where none is intended, even Miss Manners wonders why these strangers feel the need to label your appearance. And the awkward pause afterwards is betraying any honorable intentions they may have had.

Miss Manners suggests you let them live in the silence a bit to draw attention to it, followed by, “I just like to wear fun things.” That they do not will only be implied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who is older than me by about 20 years. We both work remotely. While we work together on projects, we report to different bosses.

When I tell her I have finished a task or project, she will respond with “Good girl,” as if I am her pet or child. She does this via email, in instant messages and verbally over the phone. It is infuriating and demeaning.

What would be a suitable response to her? Up to this point, I have just ignored it and moved on, but I really want to say something to make her realize it is awful to say that to a grown woman.

GENTLE READER: “I’m sure you mean it kindly, and I’m delighted that you appreciate my work. But this is my job, and when you say ‘Good girl,’ it makes me feel as though I am doing you a favor. Or that I am a pet instead of a colleague.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in a regular online exercise class, in which all the clients are veterans -- and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants generally sign on several minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone as she sees them.

My irritation is that she greets all the men as “Mr.,” and me by my first name. Everyone’s screen names include both first and last names, and none are particularly difficult to pronounce, so I don’t understand the difference in addressing us. The participants are all older than she is, so it isn’t a matter of showing respect for elders.

I can imagine several possible reasons for this:

-- She feels more chummy with me, as the only other woman present.

-- She is unconsciously more respectful of the men.

-- I’m not seen as a peer of the other veterans because I’m “only” a woman (something encountered quite a bit on active duty, sadly).

-- There is some subconscious self-distancing at play when talking to men vs. women.

She may not realize this can be off-putting, and might appreciate being told. Should I email her to let her know? Should I change my screen name to “Miss So-and-so” -- or even more snarkily, “Sergeant So-and-so” -- as a not-so-subtle hint?

I’m conflicted about even asking this. Ironically, one of my joys after retiring was to finally be called by my first name again.

GENTLE READER: Ironic indeed. Miss Manners suggests a non-snarky reason that is not on your list: that this woman may not know which honorific you use (Miss, Ms. or Mrs.) and is afraid to guess.

Listing your preferred honorific, or your rank, as your screen name would certainly make the point. If she asks you about it or seems taken aback, you may helpfully say, “I just noticed that you prefer to call people by their last names, so I wanted to alert you to mine.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in downtown Houston and regularly walk through the underground network of tunnels to escape the heat between appointments. Most of the time, I notice people follow standard traffic rules: walking on the right side, e.g.

However, I sometimes see groups of businesspeople walking shoulder-to-shoulder, as if they’re off to see the Wizard of Oz. It is reminiscent of teenagers navigating a school hallway. The way these groups block the path, a collision was inevitable, and it happened recently. A woman clipped my shoulder, then loudly exclaimed, “Excuse you! Can’t you see we’re walking here?!”

Her entire group turned to look at me, as if I was at fault for simply existing in "their" world. Not knowing what else to say, I replied, “The tunnels are for everyone,” before walking away to my next appointment. As I left, I heard the woman yell, “RUDE!”

What do you recommend I should have said or done in that situation?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid there was just no way through.”

Miss Manners suggests you omit, “... and I need to see the Wizard,” however tempting it may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)