DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbor’s son died on Christmas Day, unfortunately. His car has been parked in one of our parking spots ever since. My neighbor wants to give it away to someone, but will not take action.

My husband and I, along with some of our other neighbors, friends and our common landlord, have all asked that the car be moved, but she has not acted. Should I call the police anonymously?

GENTLE READER: “Unfortunately”? Well, yes.

How you can even think of adding to your bereaved neighbor’s suffering by calling the police on her, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

When someone has known a tragedy, kind people try to figure out how they can help. In this case, it is obvious -- and will even get you back that parking space.

You should ask the neighbor if there is a particular person or charity she would like to have the car, or whether she wants to sell it -- assuring her that you, the concerned neighbors, will handle either. And if she is not ready to let go of it, you can offer to move it to a nearby legal parking spot.

And then, ask if there is anything else you can help her with.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When closing a letter, I use the formula my grandfather habitually used: “Your Obedient Servant.”

Because I’m so frequently interrogated with concerns about my self-esteem, I’m forced to the conclusion that we seem to live in times with an excess of self-regard.

Is such a closing too old-fashioned to be any longer borne? Am I an old fussbudget? Am I offending people?

GENTLE READER: Rather, you are letting them indulge in this era’s favorite pastime: analyzing one another.

Your grandfather’s use of the phrase was different. He was just being cute, because that phrase was out of use long before he was born. It is beyond "old-fashioned" and well into "historic." Yet people who read history might have recognized it and been amused.

Miss Manners understands the attraction of graceful old phrases. She is sorry to see “Dear” in the salutation being replaced with “Hi!” and “Yours sincerely” or “Yours truly” replaced by “Best,” without saying best what.

But people now take conventions literally, and apparently they do not hold their correspondents dear, nor themselves sincere or true. So they are interpreting your politeness as humility. If that annoys you, stop giving them the chance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once in a while, I encounter a former colleague or acquaintance who is obviously undergoing some type of medical treatment. The most common sign is hair loss, but sometimes there has also been a drastic weight loss or pallor.

I am militant in my belief that people have an absolute right to personal privacy in all matters. I wonder, however, if I seem callous in not noting the obvious.

I do not wish to be insensitive to others' struggles, but also don’t want to intrude. Is there anything else besides “How are you?” that I may ask?

GENTLE READER: It is the height of insensitivity to size up people’s looks, and then make assumptions on which to base prying questions. Guessing what might be wrong not only deprives them of control over what to confide, but is only too likely to be wrong. Miss Manners begs you to respect your own declared respect for other people’s privacy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you please address car passenger etiquette -- more specifically, passengers placing their feet on the dashboard? My dilemma is whether it is disgusting and unladylike, or a subliminal message implying some sort of positional engagement readiness.

GENTLE READER: Huh? Is this person expecting an engagement toe ring?

If your implication is that this type of familiarity displays a desire for further intimacy, Miss Manners suggests you quickly dissuade the passenger of the idea. Otherwise, you may be in for a lifetime of gross behavior and confusing subliminal messages.

Simply say, without an ounce of charm in your voice, "I just cleaned the dashboard, but if you need more room, try reclining the seat."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Thirty years ago, I embarked on a career as a professional pilot. Early on, I changed careers, although I kept flying for pleasure.

I have purchased a small airplane and was not prepared for the seemingly endless stream of unsolicited advice from my acquaintances, friends and family to "not kill" myself and my spouse. My aunt expressed concern that I would "JFK Jr." myself in an airplane.

While many of these people don’t know that I flew professionally in the past, I still find these comments distasteful and disrespectful. Is there a polite way to shut down these conversations?

GENTLE READER: “I doubt that I would have been issued a pilot’s license if I didn’t know what I was doing. I can’t speak for poor Mr. Kennedy, but I gather that you would prefer not to fly with me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A choral director I know is retiring from her post of many years. The board of directors is having a retirement party for her, inviting chorus members past and present, and charging $60 a ticket for the dinner.

I always thought it was rude to charge guests for their dinner. Am I mistaken? It seems wrong to me.

GENTLE READER: It is, which the board will undoubtedly realize when fewer choristers than they anticipated are eager to celebrate at their own expense.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, we stayed in a lovely B&B, along with six other family members. The accommodations were good, as was the location.

However, we did not enjoy the daily breakfasts. We appreciated that the husband and wife proprietors rose early every day to provide the meal, so we took a bite or two of each item and thanked them -- even though we believe the elaborate breakfast items they served came prepackaged and all they had to do was reheat them.

My family has decided we want to return to the same inn this summer. Is there a polite way to request that they provide a breakfast more to our liking? We just want some simple eggs, toast and coffee, but we don’t want to insult them or hurt their feelings.

GENTLE READER: “We tend to be light eaters in the morning -- usually just some toast and coffee. But we don’t want to be any trouble, so we’re also happy to go out for it.”

Miss Manners trusts that any insult your hosts may feel will be countered by getting to trim their heat 'n' eat grocery list by half when you are there.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am allergic to all dairy products, so I must be careful to avoid consuming any foods containing milk, cream, butter or cheese.

Because the presence of dairy is not always obvious, I must often inquire about ingredients in a given dish when I am away from my own kitchen. I make these inquiries as gently and respectfully as I can, and I certainly do not expect that my dietary needs will always be accommodated.

As awareness of food allergies has grown in recent years, I have found that hosts often inquire about the dietary needs of their guests. For large catered events, it is increasingly common to ask attendees about food allergies. While I’m grateful for such consideration, I recognize and accept that it won’t be extended in every situation.

I attended a lovely wedding that included a full dinner served at the table. Well before the start of the dinner service, I identified a leader of the catering team, approached him at a moment where he did not appear to be engaged in other tasks, and asked if he could tell me which items on the dinner menu contained dairy products. I did not ask for a special accommodation; I simply asked for information. He told me he would check and get back to me.

In a follow-up conversation, the caterer informed me which dishes contained dairy, but then scolded me, saying, “If you wanted a dairy-free meal, you should have requested that in advance.”

For this particular event, the hosts did not ask guests about their dietary needs, as is their prerogative, so I felt it would be impolite and inappropriate to request an accommodation.

Should I have asked my hosts for a dairy-free meal even though they did not offer it? Was it impolite for me to request information regarding ingredients from the catering staff?

GENTLE READER: This caterer was looking for a fight.

Miss Manners assures you that you were polite. If you had wanted to impress that upon him, you could have said, “I was not given the option and did not want to assume you could make a special meal for me. The information you gave was all that I needed; thank you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our team at work has group meetings once a week, and we share a meal together. One man never brings anything, except he did bring ice cream once.

What is a tactful way to tell him he needs to step up and bring something like the rest of us?

GENTLE READER: Having grown up with and amongst teachers, Miss Manners learned many important lessons, two of which might be helpful here.

1. Reward good behavior, rather than focusing exclusively on the bad.

2. Provide acceptable options from which to choose, rather than allowing him the choice to do nothing at all.

Applying these lessons in your case: “We so enjoyed the ice cream you brought that time. Perhaps you can be in charge of dessert for our meetings from now on. Or would bringing appetizers suit you better?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)