DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to have a conversation during meals? I do not mean formal dinners, just ordinary family dinners or lunch with friends. On the one hand, we cannot talk with our mouths full. On the other, eating in silence misses the point of a shared meal, no?

GENTLE READER: Say something. Between bites, that is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in a small beach community. Five years ago, we met a lovely couple who have a vacation home across the street. We are all semi-retired. They are both gourmet chefs and entertainers, and invite us over about eight times a year.

It’s always fun. They also invite other couples for dinner throughout the year on other nights.

We usually take them some small gift of flowers or a book, and have taken them out on three different occasions, but we aren’t the same level of skilled chefs, and the layout of their house works better for gatherings.

I’ve talked to them many times about taking them out to reciprocate, but they say "no need" and seem happiest as the hosts. Should I just accept that? It seems like we owe them something for their generosity.

GENTLE READER: While one is not absolutely required to reciprocate in kind, some form of reciprocation to hospitality is only polite.

Miss Manners agrees that you are not required to chase them down the street with takeout menus, but general expressions of intent are not invitations. "We would love to take you out sometime," if abandoned at the first “Really, there is no need,” is not a proper invitation.

If you keep accepting their dinner invitations, you will have to issue real invitations of your own -- such as, “We would love to take you to dinner at Maxim’s. How is next Friday or Saturday?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who retells the same stories over and over and over again. It’s like he cannot recall telling them to me before, or he just wants to re-experience them himself -- and who cares whether I have to hear them again.

I don’t know. It makes me feel very irritated. I have tried gently indicating that I have already heard that story. But that has not helped. Today, my “irritation-pot” boiled over, and I snapped at him, telling him that I had already heard that story, including the circumstances in which he last told it to me.

He went silent and did not respond to my snapping comment, so I am left wondering whether he understood what I was saying -- that his retelling stories irritates me.

We are both guys, and we don’t talk about feelings -- I believe that is common for men. I’m left wondering what to do about this.

GENTLE READER: Expressing your feelings as you did was what got you in trouble, and you are going to need to apologize for that.

After that, Miss Manners recommends diplomacy, humor and patience: Most people repeat themselves sometimes, usually out of habit or carelessness -- not with the intention to hurt or annoy someone. Keep that in mind the next time you say you've already heard that one, so that you can smile and, without rancor, change the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In this modern age, many workers have the option of working from home at least part of the week. My husband is one of them.

Several years ago, he installed himself at the kitchen table, where, for years, I had done my own work (household bills, etc.). There wasn't so much as a “May I set up here?” or “Is this where you do your work?”

I never know what days he is going to stay home, nor where he'll choose to work: It's often the kitchen, but it's sometimes our home office, the dining room or the living room. If I plan to, say, sort papers in our office, he may instead spend the whole day there taking conference calls. The end result is that I’m the one whose daytime routine is messed up. Friends can’t call because he is tying up the line, and I doubt he’d know what to do if people came over for coffee -- all that talking would disturb him.

Since he’s the main wage-earner, I usually say very little and try to adjust. It’s his house, too, so I expect to be a little flexible.

I feel like the maid who is working around the employer’s desk. The sink fills with extra dishes that I must wash. The tables (even in the living room) now have stray crumpled napkins or used dishes on them. His work papers, computers, dossiers, books and other office sundries are everywhere.

What etiquette rules apply to this stay-at-home worker? I really hate it.

GENTLE READER: What you and your husband seem to share is the notion that you have no say about this because he is the main wage-earner. But work-from-home is not going away, nor is he, and you probably don’t want to get to the point where you are.

So it is time to negotiate. Miss Manners is surprised that you did not learn to do this earlier in your marriage. The rule is that both people state what space they need, and then they compromise. In marital negotiations, unlike business ones, emotional suffering counts more than monetary contributions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend insists that when eating “sloppy food” such as spaghetti, it is acceptable to lean one’s head down to the food to avoid a mess, rather than bringing the food to one’s mouth. I try to explain that you can place your head a little over the plate so any food that falls will land back on the plate.

This is extremely embarrassing when eating in public. Any suggestions on how I can convince him that eating like a caveman is not acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Would you settle for matching the etiquette to the occasion? If he will refrain from ordering spaghetti when out with you, he can have all the spaghetti he likes when you are not around.

And as a bonus, Miss Manners will throw in, on your behalf, that you will refrain from calling him a caveman -- at least in public.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I developed a gluten intolerance. While I am blessed that it isn’t full-blown celiac disease, I am unable to eat many everyday treats, such as the free donuts in the break room at work.

My co-workers have no issue with my not eating a donut; not only do I work with lovely people, but it is a small office and everyone knows of my predicament.

But when I’m out and about, I can run into issues.

I was at the library and was offered a cupcake -- it was a librarian’s birthday, and she had received a whole box of them. I told her "Thank you, but no thank you." Likely assuming I had demurred out of politeness, she very kindly insisted.

I didn’t quite know what to say, but when I mentioned being unable to eat the cupcakes, she seemed to deflate a little. It was obvious she hadn’t meant to be rude, even if no offense was taken, and it made me feel bad in turn.

Do you have any advice for what I should say the next time I encounter someone trying to be nice by innocently offering me a snack? I can deal with the rude people who say things like, “It’s not that big of a deal! Everyone has an allergy these days.” But I find myself at a loss when it comes to those who mean well and have nothing but kindness in their hearts.

GENTLE READER: Meaning well is offering you a cupcake. Meaning well is not, however, using emotional blackmail to make you eat something you have politely declined.

The social weaponizing of food is a modern concept that has created no end of trouble. If people would stop monitoring what others are eating or not eating, the world would go around a lot faster.

Miss Manners assures you that in such a situation, you need only keep repeating “No, thank you” until either the food bully is discouraged, or the cupcake has aged so much as to be unsuitable for consumption.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was fortunate enough to inherit my mother’s thick and wavy hair. Since I stopped coloring it a few years ago, it has turned a lovely shiny silver and white. I know this is not an accomplishment of any sort; it is simply the luck of the gene pool draw.

Strangers frequently approach me to say how much they admire my hair, and I don’t know how to respond. Typically, I say “thank you” and keep moving, but I am afraid it sounds a bit arrogant, as though I hear this all the time, or dismissive, as though I won’t acknowledge that the person is trying to make my day.

What is the polite way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Try saying “thank you” as if you do not hear this all the time and are pleased by it. These people are saying it to you for the first time, and are hoping to please you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)