DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s close relative died. We found out by chance because an announcement appeared on our social media feeds. We did not receive a private message, a text or a phone call. We don’t use social media very often; if we hadn’t seen the announcement, we wouldn’t have known.

My husband's relative loved him very much, and I thought it was insensitive for the family not to notify him personally. After the wake, which was also online, I messaged them privately and said so.

They responded that I was rude and selfish. They said that they, the (more) bereaved party who organized the funeral and wake, were entitled to manage it in a way that made their grief easier to bear. Then they blocked me on social media, which is fine with me.

It’s my feeling that when someone dies, there is no “easy.” There’s only politeness, and the polite thing to do is to inform people personally that someone they care about has died. That shows consideration for those who will mourn the loss of the deceased, and gives them a chance to show respect and support for the bereaved.

Social media announcements that close relatives may see by chance are not polite, in my view. I’ll concede that I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, especially since they’re my in-laws, but isn’t it fundamentally rude not to inform family members directly (by email, text or phone) that someone has died?

GENTLE READER: One is likely to stumble when claiming the moral high ground too soon after committing the almost unpardonably rude act of scolding the chief mourners for their handling of the death announcements.

But yes, a personal call would have been preferable -- which Miss Manners would certainly not have said about a text, and likely not about an email.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I admit to messing up my financial life, and therefore it will be at least three or four years before I am eligible to even apply for credit. This is my responsibility to bear; I blame no one else.

I also understand that retail employees are under pressure to offer their store’s credit card to customers, and do their best to have the customer fill out an application right there, often in front of other customers. I have known of employees being disciplined if they do not succeed at this secondary sale (separate from the merchandise). Such punishment may mean their hours are drastically cut or that they are placed on undesirable shifts.

I have no desire to cause the employee unhappiness, loss of wages or even the loss of their job, but I have to protect my own financials. One of the ways I can repair my credit is by not applying for any cards for the foreseeable future.

How do I politely say “no” without humiliating myself or getting the employee in trouble?

GENTLE READER: By remembering that one may refuse a new credit card for reasons other than bad credit. Who knows? Perhaps you have so many credit cards that it would simply be a burden to keep track of yet another.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My co-worker recently purchased some computer equipment for his new career. He generously offered me the expensive computer mouse he had previously been using.

I couldn’t accept such a pricey item for free, so I looked at what I had in my wallet and said, “I have to at least give you $20.” He responded, “How’s $50?”

I smiled and insisted he give it to someone else or save it for himself, even after he said he’d take the $20 (albeit embarrassed).

Should I have just taken it, seeing as he’ll be gone soon as it is? Was I rude for offering money for a gift?

GENTLE READER: After a send-off this awkward, did everyone have to come to work wearing paper bags over their heads for a week afterwards, Miss Manners wonders?

Yes, it was rude to offer money for a gift. You certainly could have either accepted or declined it as you chose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was hospitalized for two weeks with a serious illness that nearly took my life. While I appreciate my kind friends, I was in no condition to receive visitors other than family members, who understood I didn’t have the energy or wherewithal to engage in chatter. Therefore, when friends called and said they would be coming to visit, I politely asked them to please wait until I was released from the hospital.

I have learned that several people took great umbrage at my request. Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: You were not wrong, but a more effective technique -- not to mention one easier on yourself -- would have been to deputize a family member to make your responses. There is a natural (but obviously incorrect) tendency to think that someone well enough to talk on the phone cannot possibly be in mortal danger.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were houseguests of some friends for a few days. One day, we watched as the host returned a partially eaten piece of chicken to the pot of stew he was preparing.

Two days later, we were served the stew again as a leftover. This situation was repeated two more times during our stay: The host’s uneaten portions were jettisoned back into a bowl, refrigerated, and served for another meal.

We found what our host did to be unsanitary and repulsive. Although we did not want to eat these leftovers, we felt we had no alternative. Should we have spoken up and expressed our negative views of what our host had done, not just once but three times? Should we have just refused to eat the food we had enjoyed the first time it was served?

GENTLE READER: As guests in the house, you were essentially captives, Miss Manners realizes, but even were that not the case, she could not sanction telling a host you find his repotting the leftovers repulsive even once, much less three times. She says this whether it is the chicken or the complaints coming around one time or three.

While you cannot denounce the food, you can push it to the side and instead concentrate on the less well-pedigreed items.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several months ago, my brother and his wife, who have a 10-month-old baby, found out that they are pregnant again. This news was not met with nearly as much joy as the news of the first child. It was made clear that this was neither planned nor wanted, and that it was the result of carelessness on their part.

Fast-forward to now, and they have strongly hinted to me that they would like a baby shower. They just had one less than year ago, at which they received a massive amount of supplies! They do not have a big enough circle to invite all new guests.

My mother and I offered to throw them a gender reveal party, an offer that was quickly rejected without consideration. And we often watch their baby, so it’s not like we don’t care about them.

My mother has told me that if a baby shower is thrown for them by my sister-in-law’s family (who also threw the last one), she would like to give them a pack of condoms! I was shocked -- most of the shock arising from the fact that the idea originated from my usually puritanical mother. I suggested that perhaps, instead of presenting this “gift” in front of all my sister-in-law’s friends, it be given privately as a “welcome home from the hospital” present once the baby is born.

I would value your opinion on this matter.

GENTLE READER: It is that your mother should be allowed one tasteless joke within the family without its being spread around, much less acted upon.

Admittedly, the couple set a standard of tastelessness by discussing the conception and demanding a shower from relatives. But there is an extended family involved here, with a child to be added to it. This seems a good reason to end any kidding that perpetuates the notion that the child was unwanted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband, George, insists that we thank our sweet puppy when he follows directions. I explained that I do not believe thanking a pet is necessary, but I would be willing to send an inquiry to Miss Manners, who is the authority regarding etiquette.

George responded that he did not believe Miss Manners is an actual person, and is more likely a group of people in an office. He then went on to explain that even if Miss Manners is “real,” she isn’t the authority in all areas of etiquette.

My questions for Miss Manners are: What is the appropriate amount of time for George to sleep in the doghouse, and does etiquette require that I eventually allow him back into our house?

GENTLE READER: George is a brave man to take on both his wife and Miss Manners. But a foolish one to disparage the authority who was about to sympathize with him.

Not to vindicate him, exactly, but to sympathize.

Aside from the silliness of your alleged argument -- and your satisfaction at getting Miss Manners to notice such silliness -- it is good to be in the habit of giving thanks, even when not strictly necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)